GIP.
Because it is the OTP.
Fic: Afraid
Author: the_smooth_one
Rating: PG to PG-13ish.
Warnings: Slight boy on boy. You know it.
Feedback: Always appreciated.
Pairings: Bobby/John
Summary: "John misses a lot of things, although you’d have to hold his Zippo above a lake in order to get him to tell you that."
Notes: Mucho, mucho thanks to piyaneeiyan for the beta. She's awesome!
Cross-posted in here, dry_ice, and xmmff
John misses a lot of things, although you’d have to hold his Zippo above a lake in order to get him to tell you that.
He misses his mom a lot, misses the way her eyes used to light up in glee every time she snuck up on his dad. He can’t remember a time when he didn’t miss her zany, ten decibels too loud laugh and the way she looked like she was floating in her too long skirts. He misses bedtime, when she’d make him go through the rituals of brushing his teeth, combing his hair, tucking himself into bed, then blowing raspberries on his stomach and ruffling his hair. He misses how carefree she was and how nothing ever seemed too important when he was with her.
He even misses the sound of the car crunching into itself, even sort of misses the way she screamed at the pain, because now it’s a nothing but a faded memory in his head. Even the funeral, even seeing his dad cry with a gun to his head, even the sense of morbidity in the air as John was sent away after his dad’s funeral, even all the prayers he said at night for the months afterward, were just shadows in his head now.
He worries that’s all his years at the school will become, shadows in his head.
And although he does his best to put on a front and be brave in front of Erik and Mystique, does his damndest to prove he’s here for the cause and for his beliefs, he really misses the school and everyone there.
He misses the way Jubilee became obsessed with a new celebrity every week, how she’d put pictures of them on her desktop and force him to take pictures of her licking the screen. He misses how her eyes crinkled when she smiled, and how she used to fall out of her chair whenever she laughed too hard. He misses sneaking out with her late at night just to create the Mother of all Light Shows. He’s afraid that her smile is going to fade past a memory. He’s scared that her name will become a whisper in his head, nothing more.
He misses how incredibly polite Piotr was, how absolutely Russian he was, tall as a horse with a voice as deep as a canyon, but with the heart of a child. He misses how Piotr would shake his head and tsk every time John had to come up with an essay two hours before class. He misses the way Piotr used to pray for his family back home, especially for Illyana, and John’s really afraid that Piotr’s values are going to become a thing to laugh at, that they will become fodder for his amusement. He’s scared that Piotr’s prayers will become whispers in his head, nothing more.
He misses Tabby a lot, the one girl he could ever see himself being with. He misses her big blue eyes and her little laugh, so dainty, so girlish, but so Tabby. He misses how they could sit by the fireplace and sit there for hours in silence, transfixed by the flames, trying to stop each other from playing with them. He misses her quiet understanding, he misses knowing that she always knew where he was coming from, even when he told her he didn’t love her. He’s afraid that their friendship is going to become a thing of the past. He’s scared that her “I loved you, you know.” will become a whisper in his head, nothing more.
He even misses Rogue, although he thinks he probably shouldn’t. He misses that soft Southern accent, even though half the time he heard it it was in admonishment. He misses the white streak in her hair and how she refused to dye it a different color, her subtle way of saying, “I am above you.” He misses how she rolled her eyes at him in front of everyone, and challenged him to rise above it all with just a well-placed smirk. He misses the façade of innocence she portrayed, and he’s afraid that their struggles will turn out to be worthless. He’s extremely scared that the sound of her tears, shed every time she touched her shoulders, will become whispers in his head, nothing more.
Words cannot express how much he misses Bobby. He misses his first and probably last best friend. He misses how they could sit in a room for hours and play nothing but video games, but still be enthralled with each other’s company. He misses the way Bobby always saw the good in him, even when no one else could. He misses spending the anniversary of his mom’s death with Bobby, misses how strong Bobby’s hugs are, how soothing his voice is in John’s ears, misses how John can cry all day long and Bobby will still be there, petting his hair and kissing him softly, refusing to tell stories about HIS mother in an attempt to get John’s mind off his.
He especially misses the kisses, and the sweet touches during class that made John smile like he had a secret. He misses the way Bobby had to wear socks to bed, as to keep his feet from freezing to the sheets. He misses how debauched Bobby used to look when he’d crawl out of John’s bed, misses how Bobby never ever complained about being unable to walk after a night with John. He misses Bobby’s sweet smile, and how sincerely he told John he loved him, and he’s deathly afraid that their relationship will become something to use as fire for the hate. He’s so scared that anything and everything about Bobby, everything he took years to discover and cherished even the day he walked off that plane, will become ghosts in his head, nothing more than flimsy whispers he can’t even hear.
“Pyro,” Erik says, and John turns to him. They’re about to attack some doctor who found a way to destroy the mutant population with mutant extermination robots called Sentinels. “Are you afraid?”
And he does not answer immediately, for the question makes him think. While he misses many things, he misses the conceptual things the most, like family and love and sex, innocence and freedom and values, morals and laughter and friendship, because he’s afraid that with one simple walk, by choosing a life different from those around him, he has forsaken all of the things that made life…well, life. He’s scared that he’s turned himself into a monster, that Pyro will burn forever and John Allerdyce will be nothing more than a whisper in the heads of those he had once loved so dearly.
Is he afraid, they ask? Isn’t it a little too late to ask that?
John’s only answer is a smile.