a tribute
This goes out to the people who tell me and the journals that read “I did not ask for this” and sit back and plan their death or the death of those who hurt them (Vindictive Cleansing me calls it)
None (almost) would specifically ask to go through the crap that we sometimes go through. But what is the point of sitting back and saying "i never asked for it", "i never wished to be this way", " i never asked for God to make me this way". "i never asked to feel this way"
I never asked to be the fucked up person I am. I never asked for ppl to fuck me up the way they do. But i learnt we all make ourselves what we want to. Sure it takes effort and a hellota conscious trouble to reshape ourselves into what we KNOW is a better person but would you rather sit back and lament and wallow in self pity til the day we decide to end it all and decide to leave a note to our tormentors that says "I took my own life but YOU killed me" .. is that a much better place to be? To lie in a bloody pool and feel nothing but hatred and/or bitter resolved satisfaction as we slip away into nothingness.
We all make our own destiny, I made mine. I am stil making mine. And it is tough. To wake up everyday and decide
"I can kill myself, i can hate the whole fucking world, I can send my whole world on a guilt trip..... !!
but not today..."
And to think that EVERY DAY. It gets tiring, but I stil do it. I refuse to be bogged down by negative emotions. I refuse to bog people down with my negativity. Remaining positive against the worlds wishes is never easy. I do it anyway. i take time off from my hatred to love and most important to allow myself to be loved. And it hurts me like hell. But i do it anyway. I refuse to stop, hey its new to me this. But I want it to remain.
Khalil Gibran's idea was that in every crime the victim is also to be blamed as much as the perpetrator. That is true not because we ‘allow’ ourselves to be violated but because we turn ourselves into victims.
I was taught that shit happens. The hard way. I was also taught that there are 2 things that can be done to maintain our sanity afterwards:
1. Do something about it. Change the situation
2. Walk on (but only after you are over it)
Then there are those who practice method number 2 and claim “ I have no regrets” then where is the lesson learnt?
But that’s another journal entry
None (almost) would specifically ask to go through the crap that we sometimes go through. But what is the point of sitting back and saying "i never asked for it", "i never wished to be this way", " i never asked for God to make me this way". "i never asked to feel this way"
I never asked to be the fucked up person I am. I never asked for ppl to fuck me up the way they do. But i learnt we all make ourselves what we want to. Sure it takes effort and a hellota conscious trouble to reshape ourselves into what we KNOW is a better person but would you rather sit back and lament and wallow in self pity til the day we decide to end it all and decide to leave a note to our tormentors that says "I took my own life but YOU killed me" .. is that a much better place to be? To lie in a bloody pool and feel nothing but hatred and/or bitter resolved satisfaction as we slip away into nothingness.
We all make our own destiny, I made mine. I am stil making mine. And it is tough. To wake up everyday and decide
"I can kill myself, i can hate the whole fucking world, I can send my whole world on a guilt trip..... !!
but not today..."
And to think that EVERY DAY. It gets tiring, but I stil do it. I refuse to be bogged down by negative emotions. I refuse to bog people down with my negativity. Remaining positive against the worlds wishes is never easy. I do it anyway. i take time off from my hatred to love and most important to allow myself to be loved. And it hurts me like hell. But i do it anyway. I refuse to stop, hey its new to me this. But I want it to remain.
Khalil Gibran's idea was that in every crime the victim is also to be blamed as much as the perpetrator. That is true not because we ‘allow’ ourselves to be violated but because we turn ourselves into victims.
I was taught that shit happens. The hard way. I was also taught that there are 2 things that can be done to maintain our sanity afterwards:
1. Do something about it. Change the situation
2. Walk on (but only after you are over it)
Then there are those who practice method number 2 and claim “ I have no regrets” then where is the lesson learnt?
But that’s another journal entry