The Asgard Amplification 3/7
"Oof," Darcy said as she collapsed in the chair in their room at the Athanaeum, Caltech's faculty club. "I am so done. Recruiting scientists is hard work."
Jane looked up from the desk where she was neatly stowing her paperwork. "That's why they say that working with academics is like herding cats. We don't move in groups or in predictable ways. Do you want to pass on dinner?"
Darcy shook her head fiercely. "Are you kidding? I'm so ready for anything different to eat after months surviving on diner food and my own lousy cooking. Just give me five minutes please and a chance to freshen up, k?"
Jane chuckled but did just that, quickly sorting through the day's emails while Darcy power-napped. A short while later, visibly restored, the two of them went downstairs to the basement, seeking out the comfy buzz of the Rathskeller where a dozen or so others were already congregated.
The two women ordered drinks and then were leisurely surveying the menu when three other women entered. "See, Bernadette," pontificated the brown-haired woman in sensible shoes, "this is what you're missing out on by not opting for an academic career. The ambiance of scholarship and true camaraderie!"
Two blonde women trailed after her, one petite with glasses and the other a taller woman with an extremely bored expression. "Oh, Amy," said the first with a giggle, "you know that I couldn't say 'no' when they waved all that money at me. I have to do something to keep my Howard in style!"
The taller woman taking up the rear inelegantly snorted. "I don't think you have to work very hard to impress him, Bernadette. Just don't try to make him brisket," she advised as the three of them sidled up to the bar next to Darcy and Jane.
Bernadette shook her head soberly. "I wouldn't. That's his mom's job. She and I have agreed to respect each other's interests. Plus," Bernadette said brightly, "she'll keep taking him to his dentist appointments once we're married."
The brunette harrumphed, handing drinks menus to the other two. "Enough of that boring domesticity. We should order if we want to get our party on tonight."
Darcy giggled surreptitiously at the formal intonation used in the phrase and poked at Jane. "You ready to get your party on, Jane?"
"Jane?" Bernadette perked up at the name and taking in the appearance of the two women next to her. "Dr. Jane Foster?"
Jane and Darcy shared curious looks. "Yes," Jane answered, "how do you know?"
The tiny blonde waved one hand dismissively. "A little bird told me."
The four other women around her stared at her incredulously and a slightly cross look appeared on her face. "Okay, my fiancé, Howard, mentioned that when he was having lunch today with Sheldon and Raj, he met and helped this physics Ph.D. and her assistant. He described both of you very well, so I knew it must be you."
"I'll bet he described her well," the taller blonde muttered under her breath. Laying the drinks menu down on the bar, she extended a hand to first Darcy and then Jane. "I'm Penny. You've already met Bernadette and this is-"
The brunette stepped off her bar stool and offered one hand peremptorily. "Amy Farrah Fowler, neurobiologist."
Jane smiled in a nonplussed fashion at the emphatic shake. "Jane Foster, quantum theorist. And this is my intern, Darcy Lewis. It's nice to meet you. Do you all know Howard?"
"Yes," Amy said brusquely, resuming her seat on the bar stool. "I believe this is what the social scientists call a bonding experience. Drinks?"
Bernadette nodded eagerly. "That's the ticket! I'll have a Cosmo. Penny?"
Penny and the other women placed their orders with the bartender and once they were prepared, the five hived off for a table where they could talk more easily.
"So," Penny drawled, "we know you've met Howard, Raj and Sheldon. You obviously need a drink after that."
"Hey!" Bernadette said defensively, glaring over the rims of her glasses at Penny, who rolled her eyes at the smaller woman's fierce expression. "Howard's not that bad."
Jane nodded politely. "He was pretty nice even if he couldn't help us very much, being an engineer. We're here recruiting physicists to consult on a research project."
"Ah," Amy said owlishly as she sipped on her Cosmopolitan. "So, you're in industry, like Bernadette?"
Jane laughed. "No. Our work's too 'out there' for most businesses, I think. We've got federal funding."
"Sounds sexy," Bernadette said with a coy grin as she stirred her drink idly with the lime twist. "Amy and I are both biologists, so we couldn't be much help."
"Too bad," Jane said. "You seem more fun than the physicists we met with today. What's your specialty, Penny?"
Penny clapped her free hand to her chest with an astonished laugh. "Me? Oh, no. I don't have a Ph.D. or even a bachelor's. I'm as far from a scientist as you can get!"
"Me, too," Darcy offered with a smile. "And I don't know about you, but listening to all this science talk is making me hungry. You guys know what's good here?"
Amy nodded intently. "We'll get the Comfort Platter to start. I've told Bernadette that she has to try the fish tacos!"
Food ordered, the women went back to parsing out their connections to each other and the crazy crowd of physicists at Caltech. No one seemed much surprised at Jane and Darcy description of Sheldon's uncooperative nature but their breakthrough in communicating with Raj did spark some conversation.
"Maybe you should try that next time you wake up in bed with him," Amy said to Penny.
"There isn't going to be a next time," Penny groaned, draining her drink and waving to the waiter bringing their appetizer for another.
"Sounds juicy," Darcy said, "he's cute, but how would you deal with a guy who couldn't talk to you?"
"It's all sublimation for her desire for Leonard anyway," Amy diagnosed solemnly as she helped herself to some macaroni and cheese bits from the appetizer platter. "These are delicious!"
"Leonard as in Leonard Hofstadter, also in the physics department," Darcy asked incredulously. "This gets more and more-what?"
Jane let go of Darcy's elbow that she'd pinched tightly, satisfied that she'd stopped the younger woman's highly embarrassing line of questions but Penny, who was on her second Margarita, smiled ruefully.
"It's okay," she said as she set her glass on the table. "I know this sounds weird. Heck, it is weird."
"Leonard and Penny dated for a while, then she dumped him. Since he's dating Raj's sister Priya, Penny got shit-faced and slept with Raj so now Raj and Leonard aren't talking," Amy laid out the confusing scenario as clearly as she could. "There could be a sociology dissertation in all of this, you know."
"Thanks," Penny said wearily, "I'll pass. Anyway, so you guys met up with Leonard, too! Leonard and Sheldon live across the hall from me. That's how I met the guys."
Bernadette brightly leaned forward. "Penny and I worked together at the Cheesecake Factory until I finished my Ph.D. She and Leonard introduced Howard and I. It was so romantic!"
"You couldn't stand him," Penny said. "Remember?"
"Boy, do I," Bernadette confided. "But then we bonded over how awful our mothers are and that led us into our romantic relationship." She clasped her hands, seemingly starry-eyed.
"And then I came into the picture. Sheldon and I were matched up on a dating website although, ironically, neither of us actually sought to date. We're friends but Penny and Bernadette are my besties," Amy finished proudly.
"That's, er, nice," Jane said weakly, taking a hearty swig of her drink as she stifled a chuckle. The waiter came by to take their orders and soon the talk drifted. Darcy bemoaned the lack of interesting activities in Puente Antiguo and Penny detailed all the best places to shoe shop around Pasadena with Bernadette and Amy adding their own particular commentary on the shopping prospects.
"You live in an Airstream trailer?" Penny commiserated with Jane as she grabbed a fish taco from the appetizer platter. "Man, a lot of my family lives in trailers and mobile homes, but I bet New Mexico's a lot worse than Nebraska, at least in the summer."
Jane nodded as she picked at the appetizer selection. "Yeah, there's never any room to put anything anywhere."
Darcy nodded emphatically at the last. "You know, I totally think that we should be telling those SHIELD guys that our funding ought to extend to some sort of housing allowance. It's going to be inhuman to stay in those trailers for much longer."
Amy nodded. "A good researcher requires extensive physiological support. We're brain athletes, after all. Your funding should ensure that you have sufficient means for healthy living with an occasional chance to kick loose and get a little funky." The last was said with a sober straight face that segued to annoyance at the other women's giggles.
Bernadette and Amy advised Jane on the pitfalls of working with the research offices on campus: "Whatever you do, if you have to set up an agreement with our grants officer, don't give them the only copy of your paperwork! They lost mine two times in a row," Bernadette woefully explained.
When dinner was done, Amy refused to accept that the other women were full. Pulling the dessert menu over to her, she tapped imperiously on the plastic. "Look! They have mini chocolate bundt cakes! What could be more appropriate for a girls' night out than mini chocolate bundt cakes?"
It was enough persuasion for them all to cave in. "Chocolate," Darcy said with a sidelong glance at her boss, "is great for sexual frustration."
Amy nodded in all seriousness. "There exists an extensive body of research on chocolate's physiological and psychological effects. I, myself, have noticed that when I am particularly frustrated, a substantial serving of chocolate will serve to sublimate those longings."
Penny stifled a chuckle. "Tell us something we don't know!"
Amy opened her mouth to do just that but Bernadette interrupted. "Sexual frustration?" she asked coyly. "Are the men of New Mexico not up to standards?"
Darcy snorted. "Some of them aren't too bad but I wasn't talking about myself. It's poor Jane. She's in a real long-distance relationship."
Jane's face flushed pink. "Darcy," she said warningly.
Penny tapped her drink glass against the table top. "No, no. It's a girls' night out and there can't be any deep dark secrets on a girls' night out. Spill the details on your guy."
Jane darted glances up at the four other women, three regarding her with curiosity and one with a mischievous grin. "Well, I really can't tell you that much-."
Darcy broke in. "He's the hottest bit of manflesh that I've ever seen. Six foot plus and abs that you could play a symphony on. Rawr!"
Amy downed the last of her drink in one heated gulp. "Do tell," she urged.
Jane gasped at Darcy. "Hey, whose guy is he anyway?"
Darcy just smiled smugly as Penny and Bernadette badgered her boss for details. "Where did you meet him? What's he do? Does he have a brother?"
"Hey, a girl can have fantasies," Bernadette said defensively as the other four stared at her for the last comment. "Just because I'm madly in love with Howard doesn't mean I'm dead!"
Darcy fiddled around in her pocket and pulled out her iPhone. "Look, I even have a picture of him!"
Jane grabbed for the phone but it was too late. The other women were passing around the device, staring in admiration at Thor's smiling image.
"Oh, girl, that is one good-looking hunk of manhood," Penny breathed. Amy's mouth opened and closed silently a few times.
Jane blushed again as she made a successful grab for the phone. She looked down at Thor's grinning face and her tension seemed to melt away for a moment. "I know but, well, it's complicated."
Handing the phone back to Darcy, she looked at her table mates before turning her gaze to the tabletop. "Thor's a really sweet guy. A bit clueless at times, but really selfless. Very courteous and old-fashioned."
"Weird name but he sounds awesome, except for the part where this is a long-distance relationship," Penny mused. "What is he, off in Afghanistan or Antarctica?"
"Something like that," Jane said weakly. "He wasn't able to say when he'd be back, though, and I wonder-"
Darcy's mouth fell and she scooted over closer to Jane, giving her boss a hug. "He'll be back, I know it."
Penny leaned in from the other side to lay a comforting hand on Jane's. "I'm sorry. It's got to be tough, but keep the faith."
The waiter brought their chocolate cakes and the five women set into their desserts with quiet focus.
Amy finished first, daintily wiping at her lips with her napkin, before carefully laying it back in her lap. "I, too, am in a long-distance relationship although I have no emotional attachment to my fiance, Faisal. Still, I believe this gives me some insight into your emotional state, so I will give you my best advice."
Amy leaned across the table, staring Jane in the eyes. "Lose yourself in your work. Devote yourself to it utterly. Live it, if at all possible. It will sustain you."
Penny raised one hand. "Whoa, whoa. Woman does not live by brainpower alone, you know."
Amy nodded in recognition of the rebuke. "In that case, consider investing in a quality electric toothbr-."
"Whoa," Penny repeated. "I'm sure Jane can handle that part herself, don't you think?"
"Definitely," Bernadette chimed in, before Amy could answer. "But I think Amy's right in the first part. If you love your work, it can really be a comfort when you're separated from the one you love. Like the time in my lab when we were in isolation for two weeks after the virus incident. . . ."
Penny and Darcy shared pained looks. "You know, you may have a point, there," Penny said thoughtfully, "You might want to talk more with Leonard. I mean, after all, he's in a long-distance relationship, too, and I know he needs the distraction."
"Especially now that he won't talk to Raj, anymore," Bernadette needed while Penny stared at her flatly in exasperation.
Jane nodded as she stared off in abstraction. "He's someone I'd like to work with a bit more. His expertise in experimental physics could be really helpful in trying to get past some of our implementation problems."
Amy harrumphed. "Pardon me, but as far as technical issues go, I suppose that's fair but, for my money, I think Sheldon would be the more valuable collaborator to secure."
Darcy rolled her eyes as she methodically cleared the last of the chocolate cake from her plate. "Dude was seriously hostile. I don't think that he likes us at all."
Penny nodded glumly. "I've known Sheldon for four years and I can count the group of people he calls friends on one hand without using all my fingers. So don't take it personally. Heck, I'm not always included on his list of friends!"
Amy glared at Penny for the perceived insult. She turned and fixed Jane's gaze. "Penny doesn't understand Sheldon's genius. I'll drop a hint or two in Sheldon's ear that your project needs his assistance. I'm sure he'll soon see that I'm right."
The other women nodded with smiles half-hidden. Bernadette looked up brightly after they'd paid their tabs. "So, how long are you in Pasadena, anyway?"
"We'll head back to Puente Antiguo the day after tomorrow but if I can set up some collaborations, maybe we'll be back in another month," Jane answered.
"Look us up when you do!" Penny insisted and, after a brief exchange of contact information, Darcy and Jane promised to do just that.
***
"Leonard?" Sheldon asked airily.
Leonard looked up from his intent reading of a sheaf of papers. "Yes?"
"What are you doing?"
Leonard squinted over at his roommate muzzily. "Why do you want to know, Sheldon?"
Sheldon pursed his lips as he continued to focus on his computer screen. "Because I want to know if you're wasting your time, Leonard. That is, more than usual. I'm preparing my weekly update on your activities to your mother and I'd be remiss if I didn't mention what a horrific waste of your intellectual capacity, limited as it is, on such a wild goose chase as Jane Foster's quantum theory project."
Leonard sighed in exasperation, dropping the papers onto his desk and turning to face Sheldon. "Really? You report to my mother?"
"She cares, Leonard," Sheldon said snippily, typing a few characters on his keyboard before shifting to face the shorter man. Disappointment evident on his face. "Really, I know you're in a professional rut, but taking up with such a charlatan? You might as well team up with a creationist!"
Leonard stalked over to the kitchen, filling the kettle up with water while Sheldon returned his fingers to the keyboard. "Uh-huh," Leonard said with weary disinterest once he'd put the kettle onto boil.
"Your mother and I are very disappointed in you, Leonard," Sheldon added as he looked up at his roommate. "And I'll have Earl Grey, thank you very much."
Leonard reared back from where he was leaning on the counter. "What do you mean mom's disappointed in me? And I never said I'd make you tea."
"Roommate agreement," Sheldon said, tapping the folder on his desk. "I'm sure you know the relevant clause."
"Fine, whatever," Leonard irritably grabbed a second mug for Sheldon, located the tea bags and dropped one into the mug.
The two men maintained their silence while the water heated. Only after the kettle boiled and Leonard had prepared their drinks did Sheldon break the silence. "So, what do you have to say for yourself?"
Leonard sighed as he sat back down at his desk. "I don't have to explain myself or my research to you, Sheldon."
Sheldon harrumphed. "Maybe not, although I'd certainly disagree, but what about your mother?"
Leonard rolled his eyes but before he could answer, there was a knock at the door followed by the handle instantly turning. Howard walked in with a breezy "Hi, guys!"
"Hey there, Howard," Leonard said with some relief. "We missed you at the comic book store. How's it going?"
Howard stopped flatfooted at the unexpected enthusiasm of his friend's greeting. "Just fine. If I never look at another china pattern again, I'll be good. Wedding planning is not for the faint of heart. And you?"
"Oh, I'm fine, just fine. Doing some consultation on the you-know-what project," Leonard said, raising the sheaf of papers he'd gotten from Jane just a few days before, seeking his input.
"Which is nothing more than taking money out of the hands of legitimate researchers, if you ask me," Sheldon interrupted.
"I didn't," Leonard testily responded before turning to look at the newcomer. "So, are you ready for Halo Night?"
Howard sighed manfully as he lowered himself onto the couch. "If I have to."
Sheldon rounded on Howard in indignation. "Have to? It's Halo!"
Howard raised his hands defensively against the seeming aggression. "I know, I know, it's just, for once, I'd like to play something different on a Wednesday night, okay?"
Sheldon sniffed. "Your objection has been registered."
Leonard rolled back in his chair. "Well, if it's another exciting night of Halo, while you two are setting up, I'm going to go see if I can phone Priya. She keeps blowing me off on Skype the last few weeks."
He headed back to his bedroom while the other two watched him in silence.
"I hate to say this, but you'd think he'd be better company now that Raj is off to India, visiting his folks," Howard observed. "It's not like he should be giving Raj grief for sleeping with Penny, anyway, since he's involved with Priya and all, but. . . ." Shrugging, he got up from the couch to start assembling the console components for the night's game.
Sheldon sipped primly from his tea cup as he bleakly contemplated the injustice of it all. "To be honest, I don't know why Leonard insisted on moving back in. Raj was, in many ways, a preferable roommate. Although, if he had stayed here and continued a liaison with Penny, I would have had to amend the roommate agreement extensively."
Howard barked in laughter as he hooked the console into the television. "I think Penny would cut him a new one, from what Bernadette's said."
"Amy has indicated much the same," Sheldon said, head cocked thoughtfully to one side. "'Lord, what fools these mortals be!'"
"Huh?" Howard asked.
Sheldon waved a hand irritably. "Shakespeare. Never mind."
Rising from his desk, he crossed the room and began to leaf through the papers on Leonard's.
"Stop that," Howard said uneasily as he pulled the controls over to the couch. "Aren't those the top secret things?"
"Oh, really," Sheldon said. "I have as much clearance as Leonard does."
Howard rested his hands on his green-clad knees, shifting awkwardly as he glanced up at the string theorist. "Yeah, but you're not on the project, so you shouldn't be looking at it. And aren't you on the record against the whole research program anyway?"
"Precisely why I should be reviewing these papers. Maybe someone needs to blow some whistles!"
Sheldon peered doubtfully at one of the diagrams. "I mean, look at this," he demanded of Howard, shoving the page in front of his face.
Howard raised one hand. "I'm not getting pulled into this. I had enough trouble today pretending to be vitally interested in china patterns!"
Sheldon sniffed but relented. "The entire concept is cockamamie, if you ask me. An Einstein-Rosen bridge is based on wrongheaded conjectures."
"Yet they have the money and you don't," Howard pointed out smoothly.
Sheldon opened his mouth to retort as Leonard turned the corner from his room. "Priya says she's too busy with a family get-together to talk. Ah-hey!" Leonard protested, charging down the hallway to grab the papers Sheldon clutched. "You're not supposed to look at those!"
"Finders, keepers," Sheldon countered, holding the papers high over his head until Leonard twisted his free arm.
"Oh, all right," Sheldon said. "I was just looking through them to confirm what I already knew."
"Which is?" Leonard asked warily, shuffling through the papers to make sure they were all there.
"That the project is a colossal waste of time and energy. They're attempting the impossible!"
Leonard smirked. "Is that so? Then how do you explain this?" He marched over to his laptop, clicked a few times and brought up a video file. Hitting ESC, it started up in fullscreen mode and the three men sat down on the couch with the laptop perched in front of them. "Prepare to eat your words."
The footage was grainy and hard to follow at first, in the dark, in a moving vehicle. A confusing array of voices was drowned out by the sudden gunning of an engine.
"I fail to see," Sheldon began but was shushed by the two other men.
"Wait for it," Leonard hissed.
The handheld camera focused in on a swirling light in the sky, blue-green in color as the vehicle the observers were riding in raced along a rough road. Out of the brightening light, an incandescent bolt shot down to earth, bringing a roaring dust cloud into being.
A rainbow seethed briefly on the laptop screen, then suddenly cut off as the van careened into the dust cloud. Confused shouts echoed and a darker smudge came into view just before the footage abruptly ended.
"Was that," Howard asked hesitantly, "a man?"
Sheldon's mouth opened and closed a few times before seizing on those words. "A man. See? They hit a man. I told you these women were up to no good, Leonard!"
"No you didn't," his roommate retorted. "And I don't think that was a person, Howard. But it's beside the point! I've seen the data that their sensors recorded as well as this footage. The energy is almost off the charts. It fits all the criteria of an Einstein-Rosen bridge, though. An honest-to-god wormhole, right here."
Sheldon crossed his arms. "Impossible. There has to be another explanation. This is a hoax. A fraud. An impossibility!"
Leonard put the laptop down on the table in front of them. Raising his chin, he mirrored Sheldon's pouting expression. "I don't think so. But then, I'm just an experimental physicist. What would I know? But you'll never know if I'm right or I'm wrong until Jane Foster wins a Nobel prize for her research that you ignored."
Sheldon leapt off the couch. "Oh, you're so wrong."
Howard and Leonard exchanged amused glances. "Prove it. If you join the project and you can prove it's all a hoax, I'll introduce you to Agent Coulson, the very scary man who checked me out in my lab and who'll probably cut all their funding and bury them in a box somewhere in a deep sea trench from the level of scary he emits if they're faking all of this."
Brr," Howard said, shivering at the thought. "You know, maybe I should let you two hash this top secret scary agent man stuff out without me."
"Nonsense," Sheldon said. "Inform Dr. Foster that I'm joining her project as a consultant in order to see that real science triumphs. In the meantime, however, I am going to kick both of your butts at Halo."
Leonard smirked again as he picked up his controller. "You're on!"
Part Four
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