Knight of the Phoenix acts 3 & 4
Had a couple of thoughts after I made that last post, regarding the encounter with the warehouse wall. Devon states that the car pasted that wall because KITT had not yet been activated. However cute the exchange, this presents two problems.
First is a continuity issue: the scanner was tracking. We are shown in later episodes that the scanner represents KITT's attention. He brings it up whenever there is something going on and he wants data on it. The scanner being dark means that he is ignoring you or not interested or concerned. And whenever KITT is shut down, the scanner invariably shuts down (often to pitiable results). So the scanner being active while KITT himself is not is a serious continuity break.
Second, if KITT was inactive, that meant that Devon was relying entirely on his own reflexes to brake before he plowed into Michael's shins. LOL!
Okay, so the third act opens with Michael on the open highway.
it is not possible to get too much car porn
this is his determined face
Included is some footage of KITT driving through the desert that will be re-used again and again and again. In fact, they liked it so much they repeat the first half of it right here, the two repetitions separated by not even 3 seconds.
if you don't like this scene now, don't worry, they'll shove it at you until you do
Michael comes upon a road sign and notes that Millston, in Silicon Valley, is coming up in 110 miles. Then he glances around the tricked-out dash and wonders aloud where the radio is.
forget the radio, where's the dust repellant?
KITT responds, asking what Michael would like to hear. Michael flips, and brings the car to a screeching halt; KITT helpfully offers to supply more information on Silicon Valley. But what Michael really wants to know is who the hell is talking to him in an otherwise-empty car.
So KITT introduces himself. "I am the voice of Knight Industry 2000's microprocessor. K.I.T.T. for easy reference. KITT if you prefer." But Michael does not prefer and gives KITT a rather unsavory choice: Devon pulls KITT's plug, or KITT finds himself another driver. KITT immediately submits, saying that he's not qualified to overrule Michael's wishes. Michael just wants some music and definitely does not want his car talking to him, and KITT submits again, addressing him as "Mr. Knight." So they're not on a first-name basis yet. Maybe because Michael has just told KITT to stfu.
Incidentally, when Michael speaks to KITT, he is glancing in the general direction of the center of the dash, which is somewhat to his right because he's sitting on the left side of the car. However, KITT's voice modulator is mounted directly above the steering column. It seems as though the voice modulator would be the logical part to address, but this trend continues throughout the series. Michael never looks at the modulator, but off to the right of it.
there's nothing particularly interesting in the center of the dash
is it a coincidence that all of KITT's most expressive features are red?
Because Michael is fatigued, KITT suggests that Michael let him drive, but there's no way in hell Michael is going to allow his car to drive itself. So KITT says good night and goes silent, and Michael continues on the road. KITT's scanner is switched off.
more car porn
After a couple snippets of songs straight from the American Top 40, the inevitable happens and Michael starts to doze off at the wheel.
he wears his airbag on his head
it's impossible for KITT to look any way except fantastic
Before long, Michael falls asleep entirely, his hands fall off the wheel, and the car starts to drift off the road. I guess they don't have rumble strips on this lonely desert highway, or else Michael just sleeps through it. After a few cursory efforts to wake him, KITT switches to Auto Cruise and gets the car back on the road.
note that the modulator assembly has a radically different look than it did 50 miles ago
One Top 40 hit later and Michael is passed by a couple of cops going the opposite direction. One notices that Michael is "plumb asleep at the wheel" and they turn around to chase him.
that cop car isn't KITT's type. trust me on this
Michael does not react to their presence, their lights, or their siren, and they theorize that he's not sleeping but dead. However, KITT steers the car expertly through some tight curves which confuses them more. KITT attempts, again, to wake Michael, but it takes the cops pulling alongside and physically banging on the roof of the car to finally get him to open his eyes.
As he pulls over, KITT advises him to "deny everything," and to feign deafness and a sharp crick in his neck, as he was resting his head against the window. Michael's response is to blame everything on KITT, because when you fall asleep at the wheel and your sapient car saves you from a fatal encounter with the ditch, it's obviously the car's fault when the cops pull you over.
The officers see him talking apparently to himself, and come to the conclusion that Michael is a hardcore alcoholic. They order him out of the car, and Michael takes KITT's wise advice, pretending to be both extremely hard of hearing and sore in the neck.
So thus far Michael displays both a childish resentment that his car had to take care of him, and a tendency to shift the blame for his bad judgment onto KITT. But then he takes the suggestion and doesn't even say thank you for it.
what a man!
The cops buy it totally and tell him to just watch his mirrors from now on and let him go. Michael continues on his way with not even an additional word for KITT, and swings into Millston.
I guess this is Silicon Valley. I'm not really sure.
Michael pulls into the parking lot of a bar called the House of the Rising Sun and decides to investigate literally the first company he lays eyes on in the first town he visits.
it's the font that sells it
KITT suggests that Michael go inside, because alcohol will be floating around and people may be indiscreet (at apparently noon-ish on a work day), but reminds him that "this is business, not pleasure." Michael is not amused and tells KITT he's as much fun as a divorce, which sounds like a good idea to Michael just about now. KITT says that he wants custody of himself. Michael then just goes off as he's getting out of the car, about how much he dislikes KITT and wishes he'd ditched his car's AI immediately because KITT just talks too much. Some women notice him talking to his car, and he pretends that nothing unusual is going on here.
hi, ladies
I have to say that I find Hasselhoff's less-than-perfect smile here charming. His buck teeth and slightly crooked lateral incisors make me feel better about my own buck teeth and slightly crooked lateral incisors. I wish celebrities would be this unabashed about physical flaws today. It's hard to imagine a major television program going on the air in 2012 with a smile like this in the mouth of its lead, and I think that speaks poorly to our current culture.
One of the women who were contemplating Michael's mental state is Lonnie, but Michael gives no indication that he recognizes her. Lonnie and her girlfriends are interested in some well-dressed men who are walking into the bar and not Michael. Incidentally, I don't think this series ever passes the Bechdel test. I started watching for it but did not scrutinize every episode. I will keep a closer eye out this time around.
The women walk into the bar and so does Michael. He sits down and has a drink, and maybe he does recognize Lonnie because he keeps watching her and her friends flirting it up with the well-dressed men.
a face only the Grim Reaper could love
Meanwhile, out in the parking lot, a couple of guys roll up in a blue car and start checking out KITT with lust in their hearts.
yes, he's very fine, isn't he?
They get out of their car with the intention of stealing KITT. The dude in the hat sort of looks Italian to me, and he makes kissy noises at KITT in a language I don't recognize, but later he speaks in what is clearly supposed to be (but probably factually isn't) Spanish. So I'm not 100% sure of his ethnicity. In any case, there are very few people of color in this episode, and they all fit into stereotypes. This pair are car thieves.
says a lot about early 80's racial stereotypes
The black guy (creatively named Jackson) intends to steal KITT, but his friend deters him. Not because it would be immoral or illegal, but because it's broad daylight in the parking lot of the busiest spot in town. Jackson vows that KITT will be his lovemobile and they depart.
Inside the bar, Michael is served another drink by a woman who frankly gave me a spittake when I first saw her, because by 2012 standards she is downright chunky.
it was hard to get a shot with her hips not covered by that tray and without motion blur
After I calmed down a little, I realized that she's not actually overweight in the slightest - in fact, she is what at I would call a healthy weight. She has curves in all the right places. But because my eyes are accustomed to emaciated women on TV, a woman who is totally normal looks totally abnormal to me. Our standards for beauty have certainly evolved, and not in the good direction.
That aside, I also noted that she is working in a primitive Hooters here. The other women in the scene are hanging all over a group of men. Hmmm. The gender regime of this episode so far is highly displeasing.
This woman is Maggie. She mentions that Michael is running up quite a tab, so he is not taking KITT's advice this time. Well, it's five-o'clock somewhere, amirite? Michael asks her about the women in the corner with Lonnie, and Maggie advises him to stay away from them unless he enjoys "waking up sucking dirt." He changes the topic slightly - they all came from Comtron and he's looking for an old friend of his who works there. It turns out that Maggie used to work there, too, so he says that his old friend's name is Tanya Walker. Maggie immediately dumps a drink in his lap, tells him off for being a friend of Tanya, and is promptly fired. The commotion draws Lonnie's attention.
Maggie storms out. Michael leaves. He and Lonnie exchange Significant Looks on his way out. She follows him, says she overheard him mention Tanya, and is curious how he knows her, then tells him that Tanya is already seeing someone. Michael says that he's not interested in Tanya's body, he's interested in her money, because he has something valuable to sell but he won't tell Lonnie what it is. When she asks who she should tell Tanya is inquiring, Michael smiles happily and says, "Tell her, an old friend." She watches as he drives off.
eat some food, woman, and your face won't look like that
Later, at Comtron, Tanya calls Gray in security, who turns out to be the man who shot Muntzy. So it looks like Michael's totally random selection of Comtron as his first target of investigation has panned out. What luck! That'll save a lot of episode time, anyway. There is a little exchange in which Tanya tells Gray to check into the guy who just breezed into town looking for her, and then the president of Comtron comes up and they mack on each other a bit. Tanya hugs him, and tells him to be grateful to have her.
That evening, Maggie is stalking out of the bar with all her stuff, and Michael drives up. Feeling threatened, she threatens him back with mace, and he tries to calm her down. Then he pushes blame onto someone else again by telling her that she misunderstood and that he's not a friend of Tanya's. Yeah, she "misunderstood" him because he told her in plain English that he was a friend of Tanya's. Maggie goes off on him, about how Tanya has taken away everything from her, including her husband and house, and now she can't even buy clothes for her kid. She gets into her car, which KITT is blocking, and threatens to back into KITT and dent him. When she carries through on this threat, KITT is undamaged and Maggie's rear bumper falls off.
KITT is the king of cars and all cars worship him
For some reason, this makes her car start to smoke in the back. Michael offers to pay to have it fixed, but Maggie just wants him to leave her alone. He then offers her a chance to get even with Tanya and asks her to help him, and that makes her willing to get into his car and drive off with a strange man she's never seen before that afternoon. OKAY THEN.
On the way to Maggie's house, she engages in a big exposition dump about both Silicon Valley and Comtron. Her husband used to work for Comtron (no mention here of the job at Comtron that Maggie claimed back in the bar) and things went sour when Tanya and her girl band moved in. Tanya is the president's executive assistant, and she started to make changes to the company after she began sleeping with him. Maggie's husband apparently looked into this too closely and wound up dead by the side of the road, supposedly a drunk-driving accident but Maggie doesn't buy it because he didn't drink. Michael speculates that she took the job at the bar to collect info about Comtron, and Maggie retorts that she took it because she has a son to feed.
They arrive at Maggie's home and Maggie invites this complete stranger that she met that afternoon in a bar to come inside. Despite her earlier pleas of poverty, she apparently has a babysitter/nanny/not sure exactly, a Latina named Luis.
because people of color are either cops, thieves, or domestic workers
Maggie introduces them and Luis gushes to them both about how awesome it would be if they hooked up, then leaves. Maggie is embarrassed about Luis' behavior, and then clarifies the gender regime of this episode by explicitly stating that she's not had a man in her house since her husband died.
So let's recap. Tanya is evil, and also sleeps with men for fun and profit (mostly profit). The same can be said for her posse. Maggie is good, and sleeps with men only within the bonds of holy matrimony. Luis is a middle-aged Latina domestic and has no designs on Michael at all, thereby leaving racial-social-sexual boundaries unchallenged.
Maggie's son Buddy comes tottering out of his bedroom to be introduced and to ask if Michael is going to marry Maggie. They all laugh at this subtle reinforcement of the now-established gender regime - no nookie for Michael without wedding bells.
I would like you to spend a moment drinking in this ensemble
Buddy is hustled back to bed, and more exposition is dumped: Michael wants to meet up with Tanya, but this will be hard because Tanya doesn't go out in public. However, the following day Comtron is sponsoring a charity demolition derby at the track, and Tanya has to be there. The detail is that the derby is being run with brand-new cars (because Silicon Valley is so stinking rich, donchaknow). Buddy had wanted to go. A lightbulb goes off over Michael's head and he announces his plan to enter the derby, and offers to bring Maggie and Buddy with him.
The next day, Michael goes to call Devon at a public pay phone.
it's hard to believe we used to live like this
It's unclear to me why he's doing this. He doesn't actually ask Devon to deactivate KITT, and it's not like he made any promises to Devon before zooming away. He thinks that Devon already knows what's going on anyway because he believes KITT is tattling on him. Devon assures Michael that "he answers only to you!" thereby allowing KITT to transition from a genderless object to a gendered personality. Michael resists this change and insists that KITT is still an it and that Michael is the one taking all the risks here. He fills Devon in on the situation, which Devon finds delightful until he learns what a demolition derby is. Then he's less delighted.
Meanwhile, the car thieves are back, finding KITT parked and unattended in a less busy part of town. They decide to make their move. First they try to pick the lock.
KITT's door lock dentata at work
Next Jackson tries to kick in the door window and is injured. His friend calls him an idiot for this move - he should have used something that won't get hurt, like a brick. Coincidentally, he's located a brick.
this couldn't possibly go wrong
Flinging the brick at KITT's window makes it ricochet off and smack Jackson in the forehead, knocking him cold. Michael continues to chat with Devon, expressing full confidence in KITT's ability to win the derby with no injury. Devon is concerned because little field testing has been done with KITT's tech. Michael is blasé and hangs up on Devon, then returns to his car and drives off, not noticing the two car thieves nearby. Jackson regains consciousness and stands just as KITT is pulling away, declaring that he is mad now, and "that car will be mine!" They depart and the act ends.
now it's personal
The fourth act opens at the Millston Speedway. We learn that this is the Comtron International Demolition Derby but never learn what is international about it.
maybe this stock footage came from France. 1950's France.
Michael, Maggie and Buddy pull up in KITT and Michael announces, again, his intention to enter the race. Maggie stares, because she can't believe that Michael is going to enter a demolition derby in his beautiful car, but he really is and he hops out to register.
Tanya is the one doing the registration. She doesn't recognize him, but he certainly recognizes her and has a little flashback right there. Tanya is willing to let him into the race and let his car serve as the entry fee (whaa?) and tells him that the winner gets $5000 (serious money in 1982). Michael gives a cheeky smile and says he'll donate it to the charity, then reminds her that he was looking for her in order to sell her something. Tanya attempts to dismiss him because she doesn't do salesmen, but Michael is sure she'll be interested after the race.
The president of Comtron (Benjamin) then butts in, and Michael introduces himself as the only independent driver in the race. Benjamin says that they don't allow jalopies in this race, only new cars, and Michael points out KITT, who is assuredly a new car. This satisfies Benjamin, and Michael asks for two tickets for owner's row. Lonnie hands them over.
Michael delivers the passes to Maggie, who has lost track of Buddy in the 5 seconds since we last saw them standing next to KITT. She's not too worried, though, and Michael assures her that there are just a lot of cool cars to see and Buddy is around somewhere, he'll turn up sooner or later.
This was kind of an amazing moment for me, because of course a kid wandering out of sight at a speedway would be an Amber Alert occasion today. I have to admit that I've never quite grasped the concept of a "play date." When I was a kid (and I was a kid in 1982), if you wanted to play with other kids, you walked out your door and over to the other kid's house and asked them to come out and play with you. Nowadays, parents want to supervise even unstructured play time, and the terror of "stranger danger" means that children have to be under adult supervision 24/7. It really was a different world then.
The cars line up and the race begins. The announcer reminds the audience (and informs us, in a neat bit of meta-exposition) that this is a figure-8 track and the intersection is where all the demolition is expected to happen. Michael soon finds Buddy: in KITT's back seat.
note that KITT comes fully equipped with optional racing harnesses
Michael yells at Buddy to come up front and buckle up. He's soon stuck behind two other cars who are working together to prevent him from passing. Surprisingly, Michael decides to let KITT handle this and puts the car on Auto. KITT handles it by tilting up onto two wheels and sliding in between the blocking cars.
showoff
remember that scene in the Seven Year Itch with Marilyn Monroe and the sidewalk grate? yeah
The other drivers are so stunned that one of them plows into a Comtron truck. Michael finally says thank-you to KITT for something, and KITT says, "You're welcome. It's so good to be communicating again." Buddy thinks that a talking car is awesome, and Michael asks him to not mention this to anyone else, which, to me, is reminiscent of those unhealthy relationships where one partner is ashamed of, or embarrassed by, the other.
The other drivers are quite ticked and decide to collaborate in getting Michael off the track (by yelling at each other through their open windows, lol). Michael evades them by hitting Pursuit mode and accelerating to 120+ mph.
129 mph is about 1/3rd of 200 mph if you're using new math
KITT in his natural habitat
One of the other drivers bumps KITT from behind. Buddy is outraged, and starts pushing random buttons.
anything but the "c" button!
This sprays oil out KITT's tail end, causing the car behind them to spin out, to Buddy's delight.
hawt
Michael tells Buddy to stop touching things, but of course that doesn't stop the kid. The next button produces a smokescreen, leading to another wreck. More cars crash out in the intersection, and with one competitor remaining and a pileup in the center, KITT leaps over the broken cars to reach the finish line, bringing the audience to its feet. Benjamin thinks the car is incredible and wants to know all about Michael. Tanya is more suspicious.
On his way out, Michael swings by Tanya, tells her that she now knows what he's selling, and to meet him at the bar at 8 PM if she wants to know more. Tanya consults with Wilson as Michael drives away; Wilson has done a background check and discovered that Michael didn't exist until three months ago.
So I reckon Michael was recuperating at Wilton's estate for 3 months? That timeline doesn't make sense given what we were shown earlier. It also means that either Tanya was doing both Atkins and Benjamin at the same time, or she's been working on Benjamin for only the three months since she "killed" Michael. In that amount of time she's not only seduced Benjamin and installed all of her crew into Comtron, but also gotten onto Maggie's husband's radar and murdered him. I admire her time management skills!
Wilson is uneasy with the idea of taking unlawful possession what is obviously an advanced prototype vehicle, thinking that this seems like a setup. Tanya wants him to run Michael's fingerprints. Wilson hasn't been able to get a set, and points out that in any case that would only help if Michael has a criminal record. Or, Tanya reminds him, if he's worked in law enforcement. Wilson plots to obtain the prints.
Michael drops Maggie and Buddy off at their home. As Buddy runs off to "tell everybody," Michael ... pets Maggie's hair. o.O
her hair does not belong to you, Michael
She doesn't look happy, he notes, and Maggie reveals that she is having Relationship Issues. Specifically, she doesn't know what kind of relationship Michael is after. Michael says he'd like to be a friend (the type who pets hair, I guess), and Maggie tells him that she's still hurting and she can't get into another relationship right now.
Michael assures her that he is not looking to get into her pants, and Maggie is grateful and gives him a kiss on the cheek. Because it's good for women to show gratitude toward men who indicate that they won't claim the sex that they are rightfully entitled to have.
Later, Michael pulls in to another public pay phone to make another call to Devon, and this time he leaves KITT parked with the keys in the ignition and the door wide open.
some cars rape so easy
The car thieves almost immediately drive by and notice. While Michael scratches his balls in the phone booth (no lie) and talks with Devon, the thieves jump into KITT and drive off. Michael runs after them, but they peel out as Michael yells that they're going to get themselves killed.
KITT is highly displeased, and takes great offense at a comment that he probably makes coffee, too. He tells the thieves to pull over immediately, and much confusion (in which the line "Don't jive me, brown" is used unironically) ensues. KITT informs them that they are not the proper owners of the car and orders them out, "or I will take the appropriate measures." Jackson eventually concludes that KITT is the voice of a high-tech burglar alarm and says, "All right, mama! Do your baddest!" KITT is exasperated; he'd thought Michael was difficult.
KITT's baddest is pretty freaking bad
After Jackson slides the car around a turn in what KITT judges a juvenile display, KITT switches to Auto. He takes them flying over some other vehicles, and does donuts in an intersection.
KITT's tires are invulnerable to everything except pavement
Despite Jackson's frantic attempts to retake control of the vehicle, KITT rolls up to a police station and stops in front of a cop car, raises the sun roof on both sides, and ejects the thieves onto the hood of the police car. Problem resolved, he makes his leisurely way back to where Michael is waiting for him.
There he reprimands Michael for being so irresponsible and they get into a tiff. Michael's first apology is flippant and KITT is offended, eventually demanding a little consideration and pointing out that he is only the reason Michael isn't walking right now. This elicits an overblown expression of gratitude from Michael, which KITT eventually accepts after insisting that Michael's mission is their mission. Michael is clearly unhappy about having to beg forgiveness from his car.
They head to the bar, where the jukebox is playing Harden My Heart. Instead of Tanya, Michael meets the truck drivers who had been hired to drive the other cars in the demolition derby. They are not pleased by their loss of the race prize money.
this gentleman of color is a violent sociopath, just in case you were wondering if he broke any racial stereotypes
Michael warns them that he is trained in martial arts. They all laugh, and then there follows what Hasselhoff calls in the episode commentary "the fight that wasn't." They didn't bother to choreograph this fight; instead, it is just a quick montage of people being thrown into other people and across tables, while Hit Me With Your Best Shot plays in the background. Eventually all the truckers are in a pile outside.
GROUP HUG!
Michael is arrested, and KITT is impounded, but taken to Comtron instead of to an impound yard.
oh, the indignity
Tanya and Wilson reveal their Evil Plan: they are going to strip down KITT and, among other things, read the serial numbers off of the stock parts they assume were used in building him and find out where he comes from and for whom Michael is working. The act does not actually end with them cackling and washing their hands, but it might as well.
Will wrap it up in the next post!