A tale of 2 cities
Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.......
I think about writing in this journal all the time. Usually when I am driving home from somewhere or from doing something I will think about how it would sound as I write it out. I edit it in my head, and I try to make it sound good. Then I get home and there are a million things to do or something, and then the self doubt sets in and I think to myself how narcissistic, vapid, shallow, masterbatory and self indulgent it is for me to write it all down. I dont know, it just sucks sometimes. But I am always thinking about writing in here, because even tho my reptile brain thinks those bad things, another side of me sees it as somewhat cathartic and I guess I just kind of like writing this shit down and throwing it out there and see what other people might think about it. Im just a shaved ape throwing my shit over the internet, or at least Live Journal.
But lets get into the stories and neurosis that stem from 2 seperate and different citys. A couple of weeks ago I was in NY seeing some family. I was born there and even tho I moved to Jersey when I was 6 I spent a lot of time in NY while I was growing up and thru the years, so its a place that is tied to alot of old memories for me. This is such a random thing to have happened, but late on a saturday night while I was there, after a day of moving furniture and other house moving type stuff, I was watching TV and there was a commercial for Time/Life records sounds of the 70s. I know its all a joke and the commercials are so cheesy and overdone, but this time sometihng hit me. I wasnt paying attention to Barry Williams and whoever was his co-host, but the music was making me remember when I was really young, and being in the car with my mom, or my dad, and these were the songs that were on the radio then, all these 1 hit wonders, I didnt know alot of the artists names, but I knew almost all the songs. I remembered all the places we used to go to, all the things I saw or who we went to see. I was so hooked on this stupid 30 minute infomercial and it was making me so nostalgic and maybe even a little home sick, and it definatley made me feel good. I was going to buy the damn thing. Then they revealed the price - 150 bucks for 10 or 12 cds. I couldnt see spending that much money for those things, but I was so tempted, so much so that I am still thinking about it weeks later. I may brake down and buy it, but dont tell anyone.
The next place for me to visit was the DC / Baltimore area. The reason? bachelor party with some old friends from college, some of which I havent seen in a year or more. What a great time, we got ripped up, watched some of the world series in a bar, went to a snooty snobby wanna be scores type strip club in DC, and went into some college bar and got thrown out and almost in a fight. Not my fault, and I actually did the best I could to get the other guys to just walk away, because there were 9 guys with us and they only had 3. So I was the good guy, haha. The wedding is in Canada in Nov. I have never been to Canada and I cant imagine Novemeber is the best time to go. Ah well, this is going to be fun. My flight leaves at 6 am on friday morning (not this one, next one) and the night before the Dropkick Murphys are playing in Jersey, I think Im going to go to the show, stay up and drink all night and then go to the airport and get out of dodge.
When I left both places it made me wish I had done things a little different after college and not moved to Penn. Now I cant help but think I am in a rut, and I really want to get out of here and just start over someplace else. I have things good here where I am, good job, my own place, blah blah blah, but Im just not feeling it. In fact Im not feeling much of anything at all. Im bored with the people I have been hanging out with, Im disappointed in some other people I used to be able to, well if not trust then at least sort of count on. I havent been going to as many shows as I would like to, and Im not reading as much as I want to.
I met a girl, and we went out. Things happened, but even before all that I wasnt feeling it. We are 2 totally different people, and I dont want to sound like a douchebag or an elitist, but I just dont think we have anything else in common but sex, and not to sound too queer but I really want something else aside from that. Sex is great and all, but when its over I dont want to be thinking about how the hell I am going to get out of there, or how I am going to get her to leave.
This totally shifted tone from beginning to that last part, I started writing it about an hour ago, and got 2 phone calls in the middle of it. It might explain the disconnect, or it might not. I will just hit post and maybe make some edits tomorrow. I will try to write more, or at least more succinctly, in the future.
Thanks to all the people who have read and replied, I will do my best to read your journals as well and leave some rambling non-sensical comments in your reply areas.
I think about writing in this journal all the time. Usually when I am driving home from somewhere or from doing something I will think about how it would sound as I write it out. I edit it in my head, and I try to make it sound good. Then I get home and there are a million things to do or something, and then the self doubt sets in and I think to myself how narcissistic, vapid, shallow, masterbatory and self indulgent it is for me to write it all down. I dont know, it just sucks sometimes. But I am always thinking about writing in here, because even tho my reptile brain thinks those bad things, another side of me sees it as somewhat cathartic and I guess I just kind of like writing this shit down and throwing it out there and see what other people might think about it. Im just a shaved ape throwing my shit over the internet, or at least Live Journal.
But lets get into the stories and neurosis that stem from 2 seperate and different citys. A couple of weeks ago I was in NY seeing some family. I was born there and even tho I moved to Jersey when I was 6 I spent a lot of time in NY while I was growing up and thru the years, so its a place that is tied to alot of old memories for me. This is such a random thing to have happened, but late on a saturday night while I was there, after a day of moving furniture and other house moving type stuff, I was watching TV and there was a commercial for Time/Life records sounds of the 70s. I know its all a joke and the commercials are so cheesy and overdone, but this time sometihng hit me. I wasnt paying attention to Barry Williams and whoever was his co-host, but the music was making me remember when I was really young, and being in the car with my mom, or my dad, and these were the songs that were on the radio then, all these 1 hit wonders, I didnt know alot of the artists names, but I knew almost all the songs. I remembered all the places we used to go to, all the things I saw or who we went to see. I was so hooked on this stupid 30 minute infomercial and it was making me so nostalgic and maybe even a little home sick, and it definatley made me feel good. I was going to buy the damn thing. Then they revealed the price - 150 bucks for 10 or 12 cds. I couldnt see spending that much money for those things, but I was so tempted, so much so that I am still thinking about it weeks later. I may brake down and buy it, but dont tell anyone.
The next place for me to visit was the DC / Baltimore area. The reason? bachelor party with some old friends from college, some of which I havent seen in a year or more. What a great time, we got ripped up, watched some of the world series in a bar, went to a snooty snobby wanna be scores type strip club in DC, and went into some college bar and got thrown out and almost in a fight. Not my fault, and I actually did the best I could to get the other guys to just walk away, because there were 9 guys with us and they only had 3. So I was the good guy, haha. The wedding is in Canada in Nov. I have never been to Canada and I cant imagine Novemeber is the best time to go. Ah well, this is going to be fun. My flight leaves at 6 am on friday morning (not this one, next one) and the night before the Dropkick Murphys are playing in Jersey, I think Im going to go to the show, stay up and drink all night and then go to the airport and get out of dodge.
When I left both places it made me wish I had done things a little different after college and not moved to Penn. Now I cant help but think I am in a rut, and I really want to get out of here and just start over someplace else. I have things good here where I am, good job, my own place, blah blah blah, but Im just not feeling it. In fact Im not feeling much of anything at all. Im bored with the people I have been hanging out with, Im disappointed in some other people I used to be able to, well if not trust then at least sort of count on. I havent been going to as many shows as I would like to, and Im not reading as much as I want to.
I met a girl, and we went out. Things happened, but even before all that I wasnt feeling it. We are 2 totally different people, and I dont want to sound like a douchebag or an elitist, but I just dont think we have anything else in common but sex, and not to sound too queer but I really want something else aside from that. Sex is great and all, but when its over I dont want to be thinking about how the hell I am going to get out of there, or how I am going to get her to leave.
This totally shifted tone from beginning to that last part, I started writing it about an hour ago, and got 2 phone calls in the middle of it. It might explain the disconnect, or it might not. I will just hit post and maybe make some edits tomorrow. I will try to write more, or at least more succinctly, in the future.
Thanks to all the people who have read and replied, I will do my best to read your journals as well and leave some rambling non-sensical comments in your reply areas.