(no subject)
Its hard to let someone go. To know they were one there, right with you, the one person you would call when things got bad. My sin was that I didn't call. Instead, I caved upon myself when the world caved in upon me. When my pressurized cabin split beneath the pressure I wouldn't even ask for help. It didn't seem the natural recourse. What I learned before was that no one wants to be with the crazy person, we're too much pressure, too much work and not a lot of fun. I didn't want to put him through that, I just assumed he would leave at some point in the healing process -- and so I cut him loose before we got there, thinking it would be less painful. I may have judged too harshly, underestimated his patience. And now he's gone.
The person who always said "good morning" and "good night". Who listened to my rants about all the stupid shit in my life. Who believed I could get what I wanted. The one person I craved to be around, whose arms I wanted to wrap myself in daily, whose smile made the stars a little brighter and whose laugh held all the bad things at bay. It is this person who I have lost, my secret keeper and best friend. And now, I really feel as though I have no one. I am alone in my psychosis, everyone else sits in an orbit far away, and the man who stayed close by me is likely to want nothing to do with me.
The person who always said "good morning" and "good night". Who listened to my rants about all the stupid shit in my life. Who believed I could get what I wanted. The one person I craved to be around, whose arms I wanted to wrap myself in daily, whose smile made the stars a little brighter and whose laugh held all the bad things at bay. It is this person who I have lost, my secret keeper and best friend. And now, I really feel as though I have no one. I am alone in my psychosis, everyone else sits in an orbit far away, and the man who stayed close by me is likely to want nothing to do with me.