At one point when we first started discussing love.... way back..... in 2007. :-)
You stated that love has to do with co-dependancy. You sort of mentioned that in this post when you stated: "there was a time where they truly gave me all, absolutely everything, day in and day out. They lived with me, they breathed with me, there was no such thing as not enough time, because they gave me infinite." I took from that conversation, in 2007, that you feel that in order to love someone you need to depend on them and have that person depend on you. Otherwise you are not feeling love, but a version of attraction or infatuation.
That was around the time that you stated that you thought the happiest couples shared everything: bank accounts, email addresses, phones,..etc. That statement aligns with your thoughts that co-dependancy is a base for love.
Thinking further, you really do not need to live with someone to "love" them in an deep way, given your definitions. Really, all that is required is a level of dependance. You will need to depend on that person for something; whether it is emotional support when you have a fight with a spouse, a ride to work everyday, a therapist like couch to lie on when you can not figure out the world, someone to show you attraction, to break away from reality with, or to help cure bordom. If you find that something, or series of things, in a person that you can grow to rely on then you will then establish a feeling of love. That may be were a lot of confusion comes in since the person you grow to rely on might not have anything that they rely on you for. This will cause an unbalance of emotions and can cause the foundations to crumble.
Those are my thoughts on what I remember about our love discussions when we first met. :-)
That's interesting. One of my favorite quotes, from Erich Fromm, which I think we probably talked about a few weeks ago, is:
Immature love says: I love you because I need you. Mature love says: I need you because I love you.
I suppose in a lot of ways infatuation is very childlike. Although a child's need is very real, where an infatuated adult's need is very surreal...
As far as whether co-dependency is needed for love, I think perhaps it is more like a desire that feels like a need. No - that would be infatuation. For love, I think co-dependency isn't needed, but that it is given. For a deep, strong love, it is the act of giving the gift of allowing another to depend on you and having that same gift given back that builds the foundation of that love. So the couple need not be co-dependent, but they have the option of being. They may go in and out of codependency throughout their entire lives. The love doesn't fade when the co-dependency disappears.
Most likely, the more intricately entangled and codependent the persons are, the stronger the foundation becomes... tbc.
You stated that love has to do with co-dependancy. You sort of mentioned that in this post when you stated: "there was a time where they truly gave me all, absolutely everything, day in and day out. They lived with me, they breathed with me, there was no such thing as not enough time, because they gave me infinite." I took from that conversation, in 2007, that you feel that in order to love someone you need to depend on them and have that person depend on you. Otherwise you are not feeling love, but a version of attraction or infatuation.
That was around the time that you stated that you thought the happiest couples shared everything: bank accounts, email addresses, phones,..etc. That statement aligns with your thoughts that co-dependancy is a base for love.
Thinking further, you really do not need to live with someone to "love" them in an deep way, given your definitions. Really, all that is required is a level of dependance. You will need to depend on that person for something; whether it is emotional support when you have a fight with a spouse, a ride to work everyday, a therapist like couch to lie on when you can not figure out the world, someone to show you attraction, to break away from reality with, or to help cure bordom. If you find that something, or series of things, in a person that you can grow to rely on then you will then establish a feeling of love. That may be were a lot of confusion comes in since the person you grow to rely on might not have anything that they rely on you for. This will cause an unbalance of emotions and can cause the foundations to crumble.
Those are my thoughts on what I remember about our love discussions when we first met. :-)
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Immature love says: I love you because I need you. Mature love says: I need you because I love you.
I suppose in a lot of ways infatuation is very childlike. Although a child's need is very real, where an infatuated adult's need is very surreal...
As far as whether co-dependency is needed for love, I think perhaps it is more like a desire that feels like a need. No - that would be infatuation. For love, I think co-dependency isn't needed, but that it is given. For a deep, strong love, it is the act of giving the gift of allowing another to depend on you and having that same gift given back that builds the foundation of that love. So the couple need not be co-dependent, but they have the option of being. They may go in and out of codependency throughout their entire lives. The love doesn't fade when the co-dependency disappears.
Most likely, the more intricately entangled and codependent the persons are, the stronger the foundation becomes... tbc.
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