Sad day
Some days I feel like an old, ugly decrepit lady. The kind you see with the plastic scarf walking slowly down the street with a metal cane and tan orthepedic shoes. Shuffling really. I feel like I'm shuffling. Mainly because my body feels old. I feel like chemo is aging me into an old lady. I was emailing a friend about how I was doing and that image just popped into my mind. Chemo makes you feel old and sick all the time. Which is weird, because when I had cancer, before I knew I had it, I didn't feel sick at all. I just felt like me. Of course now I realize the exhaustion and vision problems I was having weren't due to lack of sleep and stress. And the pain in my leg wasn't an old injury or arthritis.
I guess today is just a melancholy day. I'm not even sure why I'm writing this down where everyone can see it. It's much more the stuff for my private, hand written journal. I hate putting negative vibes into the world, and I feel like I'm doing that now. I shouldn't complain or be upset about this treatment. It's helping me, I can see the evidence in the mirror everyday. I'm getting closer to being done with treatment. I'm getting more adventureous about going out, even though I feel icky. I should focus on those things, the happy things, but some days, like today, it's hard to see past the fact that the chemo just makes me feel old.
I guess today is just a melancholy day. I'm not even sure why I'm writing this down where everyone can see it. It's much more the stuff for my private, hand written journal. I hate putting negative vibes into the world, and I feel like I'm doing that now. I shouldn't complain or be upset about this treatment. It's helping me, I can see the evidence in the mirror everyday. I'm getting closer to being done with treatment. I'm getting more adventureous about going out, even though I feel icky. I should focus on those things, the happy things, but some days, like today, it's hard to see past the fact that the chemo just makes me feel old.