[Fan Fiction] Winter Ward [ Saga/Shou]
Title: Winter Ward
Author: Anarchy
Genre: Angst, hurt/comfort
Pairing: Saga/Shou
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Truth: there is none. Also, this is partially edited, unfortunately. =(
Summary: "I need help..." Shou had said, in an unnervingly calm manner. And it was simple as that; he was gone. Saga hoped that things would change for the better.
Written for aliceinfiction Week 19
Saga adjusted his glasses and stared blankly at the book in his hands. The text seemed to blur and double since he wasn't really paying it much mind. He was dizzy with anxioty, worry, and excitement. The subway was generally quiet this afternoon. A few girls complained about the harsh cold that had covered the city, but there was a certain lack of noise that made his surroundings feel empty. The conductor announced Saga's stop, and he exited the bullet train with a few other passengers. The people around him surged forward, attending to their own business, but Saga paid them no mind. He only had one thing on his mind at the moment, and that was Shou.
It was hard to believe that months had gone by without Shou in his life. He had telephoned the other many times in his place of confinement, but retiring to a cold, empty bed and nothing but the sound of the television to keep him company had been taxing. The void was numbing. The days and weeks blended together, making Saga feel as if his life was on a track like a theme park ride. He vied for the day when Shou would return to him. He planned everything; the day he came home, the following week, the first few minutes. It was all so clear in Saga's mind, and finally that day had arrived. The one thing he didn't know was how he was going to hold up to these silent plans.
The day Shou left him was a calm spring evening. It had been several weeks after Shou's start of a new job at a record company he idolized. Shou's passion for music had him grabbing for the job as if his life depended on it. He would chatter aimlessly about the musicians that he got to work with. Saga shared his passion for music, so he listened eagerly. He was glad to see Shou so vibrant, for he had always had a bit of an issue with manic depression. Nothing too serious at least. Only a few days after he started, however, Shou mentioned a rather troubling incident with a fellow employee. It was a man who worked for the higher-ups, a man who was much more twisted than he appeared. He just so happened to make a pass at Shou during the day. Neither Saga nor Shou would have marked him as a potential threat, just a bit of a funny annoyance.
Then Shou went out to the convince store one night to pick-up dinner and never returned. Saga could remember sinking to his knees when the police told him the news. He could remember the color of the policeman's pants, but not his face. He could remember the court trial. The co-worker had been fired and sentenced fairly, but the damage was still done. Shou returned home to Saga, but there were pieces of him clearly missing. He stopped going to work and rarely talked anymore. A certain light had been stolen from his eyes. Saga did all he could to rekindle it, but in the end, Shou shyed away from his touch. It was clear that Saga was powerless.
"I need help..." Shou had said, in an unnervingly calm manner. And it was simple as that; he was gone. Saga hoped that things would change for the better.
Saga reached for the handle of the glass door, swinging it open and stepping inside the reception room. A few people milled about, sitting on chairs and reading out-of-date magazines. Nobody wore a smile, but it was significantly warmer than the bitter chill outside. Saga unzipped his jacket slightly and removed his sunglasses. He made his way to the front desk, placing his hands on the flat surface and leaning against it.
"Hello sir. What can I do for you today?" the elderly woman behind the desk said mechanically.
"I'm here to pick up Kohara Shou. He's being released." Saga said quietly, looking at the woman directly.
"Oh I see. And your name?"
"Sakamoto Saga..."
Whether or not the woman was surprised to hear a different family name, she didn't show it. Instead, she got up and talked to a man with a tired expression, who exited through a pair of doors. Saga paced over to a chair and sat down, crossing his legs. He wrapped his arms around himself, holding himself together in preparation for the moment he had been waiting ages for.
Shou walked back and forth in his room. His belongings were all packed away and he was wearing his warmest attire. His clothes were loose and hung off his skinny frame in a way that made him appear even thinner than he truly was. There wasn't a single mirror to be found here. Everything given to him was passed through a check to make sure it was impossible for him to kill himself with it. It was really quiet a ridiculous notion. Shou had told the attendants repeatedly that he had to live on for Saga, he had to get better for Saga. Still, protocols were protocols and a supposedly insane individual couldn't change that.
Talking on the phone with Saga was indeed the only thing that kept him together. Despite all the help and therapy he had received here, Shou knew that a big part of himself was still missing. Maybe it had been gone before he came to this place, or perhaps the pure white walls had leeched it from him. Color was a rare creature in these halls. He was nervous to see Saga again after so long. He could still picture the brunette, but the edges were becoming faded with time. Shou thought his heart would burst when he heard footsteps approaching his room. His doctor appeared at the door. He glanced quickly around the room, avoiding looking at his soon-to-be-ex-patient.
"You didn't touch your lunch." He commented.
"Not hungry," Shou replied curtly.
"I hope you get proper nutrition later. No matter. It's time for you to go home now. Are you ready?"
Shou nodded, but that was a lie. He still felt broken; a bit glued back together, but still surely cracked.
The doctor collected Shou's meager baggage and started down the hall. Shou traipsed after him, feeling as if he were floating. He was finally leaving. No more of this white void. He should have felt elated, but everything still was so surreal.
Then he was through the double doors.
Saga stood up when he saw him. Emotion rose in him like boiling water. Shou was still looking around the room, studying all the people curiously. The doctor directed him over to Saga, smiling slightly at the expression on the man's face.
"Shou." Saga breathed, staring at the other, taking him in. All his mental preparation dissolved in an instant. He looked a bit sickly, his round face much more gaunt and sad. But there was a dreamy glimmer in his eyes that made him look alive. He was still beautiful. Shou turned to face Saga, staring straight back, his mouth forming an "o". Saga reached tentatively for the other's hand, entwining their fingers together. Shou looked a bit taken aback at this, but then he squeezed Saga's hand and managed a small smile.
"Your hands are cold." the blond murmured. The doctor gave a small cough, reminding the two that he was still standing there.
"Yes, well, it looks like you'll be in good hands, Kohara-san... whether they are cold or not. Sakamoto-san, his medication is packed away with the rest of his belongings. Be sure to follow the instructions exactly. If Kohara-san's condition takes a turn for the worse, call me. I'm sure you still have the number."
Saga nodded. "Yeah. That I'll do. Thanks for taking care of him."
The doctor turned and left. It was as simple as that, Shou was free. The blond was gazing at Saga intently, as if he was in a world of his own. Saga wanted so badly to embrace the other man, but didn't know if his touch was wanted.
"Are you ready to go home?" he said, trying to sound cheerful. Shou blinked. "I missed you so much... You were the only thing keeping me going." he whispered. Saga was a bit confused by this spontaneous statement. "I missed you too. A lot. I cried a lot, actually." he replied sheepishly. Shou nodded. He didn't smile, but his eyes betrayed his emotion clearly.
"So, let's go." he said. Saga gathered the suitcases and walked forward to hold open the door for Shou.
They entered into a world covered by a pure white sky. The air was misty and full of an icy drizzle that was not quite snow. The few trees were bare of green and people walked about, huddling in their winter coats. Shou looked around with a melancholy expression. "It's still all white." he commented sadly, wrapping his jacket tighter around himself. Saga nodded in agreement. "But that will change over time."
As they walked to the train station, Shou glanced about the street as if he had never seen anything quite like it before. He was actually enjoying the cold in his bones and the tepid mist frosting his skin after being deprived from it for so long. With every step, he felt himself waking up a little bit more. Saga watched him happily as he looked in store windows, admiring the merchandise. "I'll have to take you clothes shopping soon. Would you like that?"
Shou nodded, his face pressed up against the window of a cell phone store. The sales person turned and saw him, then waved. Shou backed away from the glass and took his place beside Saga.
"Let's go..." he said quietly.
"What? Are you afraid of...? Oh. It's alright. C'mon. We're almost to the train station. Just a bit farther." Saga sighed, watching Shou with a worried expression. He didn't expect circumstances to turn out this way. It seemed Shou was the empty, animated shell of his former self. His mind had been altered in some unforeseen way. Saga stuffed his hands in his pockets and trudged forward through the crowd, keeping watch over his dazed lover.
Shou was shivering uncontrollably in his thin jacket. It was a relief to be in the cover of the subway station walls and away from the stinging wind that had manifested a few minutes ago.
"Not a moment too soon." Saga commented. "It's due to storm around four o'clock."
He led Shou to the ticketing booth, passing the suitcases over before digging in his pockets for money.
"Returning from a trip?" the ticketer asked, raising an eyebrow at the pair of them. Saga glanced back at Shou. He was surveying the surrounding people with a look of mistrust.
"Yeah. You could say that." Saga frowned. When did Shou's mind get so warped; or rather, emptied? Two months ago, when they last talked, he sounded fine. It must have been the medication, Saga decided.
"C'mon! Hurry up! Our train leaves in five."
The train shot smoothly along its track, jostling the passengers slightly whenever it came across a worn section of track. Shou sat surrounded by his luggage and Saga. He insisted against anyone sitting beside him. Presently, he sat smiling slightly, as if caught up in a nostalgic memory. Saga desperately wanted to speak to Shou. He wanted to know in depth what the mental hospital was like. He wanted to dispel whatever fear Shou had left in him. Frustrated, he pulled out his book again. He had to be patient. Shou would come around in due time.
From the train station, they took a taxi, and from the taxi, they ran in the rain up to the second floor of their apartment building. The sky outside he gone from white to an angry gray and frigid rain was pelting down in massive torrents. The wind had picked up in speed too. Saga fumbled with his keys and finally unlocked the front door, pushing in open and hurrying inside with Shou at his heals.
"I'm sorry. This is not the kind of day I wanted you to come home on. I had actually planned what I wanted to do today with you, but since it's storming..." Saga laughed nervously, removing his shoes. He took a step back, staring at Shou. The blond's eyes were flicking over the aparment, taking it all in and trying to recall the years of his live that he spent here.
"So, uh... welcome home, Shou." Saga said, staring straight in Shou's eyes. Shou blinked and turned away. "It's good to be back..." he murmured. He walked past Saga and sat on the couch, leaning back and closing his eyes. Saga followed, standing in front of him. "Are you alright? You're really worrying me." Saga asked. Shou nodded.
"I'm okay. I swear."
"Can I give you a hug? Is that alright."
Shou nodded. Saga sat beside him on the couch, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head on Shou's shoulder. Shou sat stiffly for a moment, but then relaxed. This was Saga after all. Saga; the one he loved more than anybody. Why should he fear him? A ridiculous notion, but then again, Shou didn't want to trust anyone anymore. The last few months had been wretched. Then Saga asked the exact question he didn't want to answer or think about.
"What was it like there?"
Shou remained silent, unresponsive. He shook his head, a pained expression crossing his face.
As the weeks passed by, Saga gave his entire being to making Shou come alive again. His empty expressions and empty words pained Saga. There was no way of knowing what kind of storm was brewing inside of him. Or maybe it wasn't a storm at all, but just a pure void. The world outside worsened the two's condition. Winter was sleeping over the earth, bleaching every sunrise and killing every piece of greenery. Spring felt like it wouldn't come for years. Shou would wake up from a nightmare frequently during the night, unable to sleep again. He didn't want to bother Saga, so he sat alone in the dark until dawn. His medication often made him sick and he felt apathetic all day long. Saga began to feel just as uneasy as he did just before he sent Shou away. He didn't want to call the doctors, however. If Shou disliked the doctors, it was probably for good reason.
One morning, he had awoke to Shou drawing on a piece of scrap paper. It was a gray, melancholy sketch of a field of flowers. Shou was shading in the bark of a weeping willow when Saga leaned over his shoulder.
"Wow." he breathed. Shou jumped and the pencil broke, leaving a dark hole in the paper.
"Sorry. I was impressed. I didn't know you could draw."
"I can't." Shou protested. "I just felt like drawing something..."
"That's fine. I have an idea. Would you like to come to the craft store with me today?"
The answer had become clear: color.
Soon, the apartment was full of vases of fake flowers. Their brilliant hues filled the small space, bringing a sense of hope. Saga also allowed Shou to paint on the walls. He read somewhere that art has a therapeutic effect on those who are mentally troubled. It did seem to help. Shou spent about an hour each day sitting in front of a wall in the apartment and painting whatever he cared to create. He wasn't particularly talented or skilled, but it soothed him and for a while he was able to sleep again. It was still painfully obvious to Saga that something wasn't right. He missed Shou more than ever and had taken to watching him paint to fill his loneliness. It seemed to be the only time when Shou's face held expression and a glimmer of his former self.
"It must be the medication." Saga muttered one day. Shou put down his paintbrush and turned around.
"What?" he asked, his brows knitting together. Saga nodded, crossing his arms.
"It rewires your brain." he explained. Shou sighed, hugging his knees to his chest.
"You and I both know I can't stop taking my medication. It's supposed to help me. I don't like it either, but I don't want to know what will happen to be if I stop taking it."
"Let's just try... for one day only."
And that's exactly what they did. In the morning, Shou stashed the bottle of pills in a high cabinet and willed himself to forget about them. Then Saga took him outdoors. The weather was calm for once and a frosting of snow covered the city in its pure, white drifts. They went to every one of their old haunts, Saga recalling the past years with a smile. He did his best to keep Shou in a good mood, avoiding the record company where he used to work and the convenience store near their apartment. He honestly hoped that those places had been erased completely by the snow.
To both Saga and Shou's immense relief, the day seemed to go by without a hitch. Saga insisted on going out to eat, but Shou was eager to go back home and paint. So, they headed for the shelter of their space heater. Saga worked in the kitchen while Shou let vines of purple flowers bloom into life on the wall behind the couch. For once, he felt contented and clear-headed. This mood effected his hand, and in turn, the flowers came to life in a way they never had before. He was so absorbed in his paints, he didn't notice Saga approach him from behind.
"Dinner's ready." Saga said quietly, as to not startle Shou.
Shou nodded and laid his paintbrush to rest in a cup of lavender-clouded water.
Author: Anarchy
Genre: Angst, hurt/comfort
Pairing: Saga/Shou
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Truth: there is none. Also, this is partially edited, unfortunately. =(
Summary: "I need help..." Shou had said, in an unnervingly calm manner. And it was simple as that; he was gone. Saga hoped that things would change for the better.
Written for aliceinfiction Week 19
Saga adjusted his glasses and stared blankly at the book in his hands. The text seemed to blur and double since he wasn't really paying it much mind. He was dizzy with anxioty, worry, and excitement. The subway was generally quiet this afternoon. A few girls complained about the harsh cold that had covered the city, but there was a certain lack of noise that made his surroundings feel empty. The conductor announced Saga's stop, and he exited the bullet train with a few other passengers. The people around him surged forward, attending to their own business, but Saga paid them no mind. He only had one thing on his mind at the moment, and that was Shou.
It was hard to believe that months had gone by without Shou in his life. He had telephoned the other many times in his place of confinement, but retiring to a cold, empty bed and nothing but the sound of the television to keep him company had been taxing. The void was numbing. The days and weeks blended together, making Saga feel as if his life was on a track like a theme park ride. He vied for the day when Shou would return to him. He planned everything; the day he came home, the following week, the first few minutes. It was all so clear in Saga's mind, and finally that day had arrived. The one thing he didn't know was how he was going to hold up to these silent plans.
The day Shou left him was a calm spring evening. It had been several weeks after Shou's start of a new job at a record company he idolized. Shou's passion for music had him grabbing for the job as if his life depended on it. He would chatter aimlessly about the musicians that he got to work with. Saga shared his passion for music, so he listened eagerly. He was glad to see Shou so vibrant, for he had always had a bit of an issue with manic depression. Nothing too serious at least. Only a few days after he started, however, Shou mentioned a rather troubling incident with a fellow employee. It was a man who worked for the higher-ups, a man who was much more twisted than he appeared. He just so happened to make a pass at Shou during the day. Neither Saga nor Shou would have marked him as a potential threat, just a bit of a funny annoyance.
Then Shou went out to the convince store one night to pick-up dinner and never returned. Saga could remember sinking to his knees when the police told him the news. He could remember the color of the policeman's pants, but not his face. He could remember the court trial. The co-worker had been fired and sentenced fairly, but the damage was still done. Shou returned home to Saga, but there were pieces of him clearly missing. He stopped going to work and rarely talked anymore. A certain light had been stolen from his eyes. Saga did all he could to rekindle it, but in the end, Shou shyed away from his touch. It was clear that Saga was powerless.
"I need help..." Shou had said, in an unnervingly calm manner. And it was simple as that; he was gone. Saga hoped that things would change for the better.
Saga reached for the handle of the glass door, swinging it open and stepping inside the reception room. A few people milled about, sitting on chairs and reading out-of-date magazines. Nobody wore a smile, but it was significantly warmer than the bitter chill outside. Saga unzipped his jacket slightly and removed his sunglasses. He made his way to the front desk, placing his hands on the flat surface and leaning against it.
"Hello sir. What can I do for you today?" the elderly woman behind the desk said mechanically.
"I'm here to pick up Kohara Shou. He's being released." Saga said quietly, looking at the woman directly.
"Oh I see. And your name?"
"Sakamoto Saga..."
Whether or not the woman was surprised to hear a different family name, she didn't show it. Instead, she got up and talked to a man with a tired expression, who exited through a pair of doors. Saga paced over to a chair and sat down, crossing his legs. He wrapped his arms around himself, holding himself together in preparation for the moment he had been waiting ages for.
Shou walked back and forth in his room. His belongings were all packed away and he was wearing his warmest attire. His clothes were loose and hung off his skinny frame in a way that made him appear even thinner than he truly was. There wasn't a single mirror to be found here. Everything given to him was passed through a check to make sure it was impossible for him to kill himself with it. It was really quiet a ridiculous notion. Shou had told the attendants repeatedly that he had to live on for Saga, he had to get better for Saga. Still, protocols were protocols and a supposedly insane individual couldn't change that.
Talking on the phone with Saga was indeed the only thing that kept him together. Despite all the help and therapy he had received here, Shou knew that a big part of himself was still missing. Maybe it had been gone before he came to this place, or perhaps the pure white walls had leeched it from him. Color was a rare creature in these halls. He was nervous to see Saga again after so long. He could still picture the brunette, but the edges were becoming faded with time. Shou thought his heart would burst when he heard footsteps approaching his room. His doctor appeared at the door. He glanced quickly around the room, avoiding looking at his soon-to-be-ex-patient.
"You didn't touch your lunch." He commented.
"Not hungry," Shou replied curtly.
"I hope you get proper nutrition later. No matter. It's time for you to go home now. Are you ready?"
Shou nodded, but that was a lie. He still felt broken; a bit glued back together, but still surely cracked.
The doctor collected Shou's meager baggage and started down the hall. Shou traipsed after him, feeling as if he were floating. He was finally leaving. No more of this white void. He should have felt elated, but everything still was so surreal.
Then he was through the double doors.
Saga stood up when he saw him. Emotion rose in him like boiling water. Shou was still looking around the room, studying all the people curiously. The doctor directed him over to Saga, smiling slightly at the expression on the man's face.
"Shou." Saga breathed, staring at the other, taking him in. All his mental preparation dissolved in an instant. He looked a bit sickly, his round face much more gaunt and sad. But there was a dreamy glimmer in his eyes that made him look alive. He was still beautiful. Shou turned to face Saga, staring straight back, his mouth forming an "o". Saga reached tentatively for the other's hand, entwining their fingers together. Shou looked a bit taken aback at this, but then he squeezed Saga's hand and managed a small smile.
"Your hands are cold." the blond murmured. The doctor gave a small cough, reminding the two that he was still standing there.
"Yes, well, it looks like you'll be in good hands, Kohara-san... whether they are cold or not. Sakamoto-san, his medication is packed away with the rest of his belongings. Be sure to follow the instructions exactly. If Kohara-san's condition takes a turn for the worse, call me. I'm sure you still have the number."
Saga nodded. "Yeah. That I'll do. Thanks for taking care of him."
The doctor turned and left. It was as simple as that, Shou was free. The blond was gazing at Saga intently, as if he was in a world of his own. Saga wanted so badly to embrace the other man, but didn't know if his touch was wanted.
"Are you ready to go home?" he said, trying to sound cheerful. Shou blinked. "I missed you so much... You were the only thing keeping me going." he whispered. Saga was a bit confused by this spontaneous statement. "I missed you too. A lot. I cried a lot, actually." he replied sheepishly. Shou nodded. He didn't smile, but his eyes betrayed his emotion clearly.
"So, let's go." he said. Saga gathered the suitcases and walked forward to hold open the door for Shou.
They entered into a world covered by a pure white sky. The air was misty and full of an icy drizzle that was not quite snow. The few trees were bare of green and people walked about, huddling in their winter coats. Shou looked around with a melancholy expression. "It's still all white." he commented sadly, wrapping his jacket tighter around himself. Saga nodded in agreement. "But that will change over time."
As they walked to the train station, Shou glanced about the street as if he had never seen anything quite like it before. He was actually enjoying the cold in his bones and the tepid mist frosting his skin after being deprived from it for so long. With every step, he felt himself waking up a little bit more. Saga watched him happily as he looked in store windows, admiring the merchandise. "I'll have to take you clothes shopping soon. Would you like that?"
Shou nodded, his face pressed up against the window of a cell phone store. The sales person turned and saw him, then waved. Shou backed away from the glass and took his place beside Saga.
"Let's go..." he said quietly.
"What? Are you afraid of...? Oh. It's alright. C'mon. We're almost to the train station. Just a bit farther." Saga sighed, watching Shou with a worried expression. He didn't expect circumstances to turn out this way. It seemed Shou was the empty, animated shell of his former self. His mind had been altered in some unforeseen way. Saga stuffed his hands in his pockets and trudged forward through the crowd, keeping watch over his dazed lover.
Shou was shivering uncontrollably in his thin jacket. It was a relief to be in the cover of the subway station walls and away from the stinging wind that had manifested a few minutes ago.
"Not a moment too soon." Saga commented. "It's due to storm around four o'clock."
He led Shou to the ticketing booth, passing the suitcases over before digging in his pockets for money.
"Returning from a trip?" the ticketer asked, raising an eyebrow at the pair of them. Saga glanced back at Shou. He was surveying the surrounding people with a look of mistrust.
"Yeah. You could say that." Saga frowned. When did Shou's mind get so warped; or rather, emptied? Two months ago, when they last talked, he sounded fine. It must have been the medication, Saga decided.
"C'mon! Hurry up! Our train leaves in five."
The train shot smoothly along its track, jostling the passengers slightly whenever it came across a worn section of track. Shou sat surrounded by his luggage and Saga. He insisted against anyone sitting beside him. Presently, he sat smiling slightly, as if caught up in a nostalgic memory. Saga desperately wanted to speak to Shou. He wanted to know in depth what the mental hospital was like. He wanted to dispel whatever fear Shou had left in him. Frustrated, he pulled out his book again. He had to be patient. Shou would come around in due time.
From the train station, they took a taxi, and from the taxi, they ran in the rain up to the second floor of their apartment building. The sky outside he gone from white to an angry gray and frigid rain was pelting down in massive torrents. The wind had picked up in speed too. Saga fumbled with his keys and finally unlocked the front door, pushing in open and hurrying inside with Shou at his heals.
"I'm sorry. This is not the kind of day I wanted you to come home on. I had actually planned what I wanted to do today with you, but since it's storming..." Saga laughed nervously, removing his shoes. He took a step back, staring at Shou. The blond's eyes were flicking over the aparment, taking it all in and trying to recall the years of his live that he spent here.
"So, uh... welcome home, Shou." Saga said, staring straight in Shou's eyes. Shou blinked and turned away. "It's good to be back..." he murmured. He walked past Saga and sat on the couch, leaning back and closing his eyes. Saga followed, standing in front of him. "Are you alright? You're really worrying me." Saga asked. Shou nodded.
"I'm okay. I swear."
"Can I give you a hug? Is that alright."
Shou nodded. Saga sat beside him on the couch, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head on Shou's shoulder. Shou sat stiffly for a moment, but then relaxed. This was Saga after all. Saga; the one he loved more than anybody. Why should he fear him? A ridiculous notion, but then again, Shou didn't want to trust anyone anymore. The last few months had been wretched. Then Saga asked the exact question he didn't want to answer or think about.
"What was it like there?"
Shou remained silent, unresponsive. He shook his head, a pained expression crossing his face.
As the weeks passed by, Saga gave his entire being to making Shou come alive again. His empty expressions and empty words pained Saga. There was no way of knowing what kind of storm was brewing inside of him. Or maybe it wasn't a storm at all, but just a pure void. The world outside worsened the two's condition. Winter was sleeping over the earth, bleaching every sunrise and killing every piece of greenery. Spring felt like it wouldn't come for years. Shou would wake up from a nightmare frequently during the night, unable to sleep again. He didn't want to bother Saga, so he sat alone in the dark until dawn. His medication often made him sick and he felt apathetic all day long. Saga began to feel just as uneasy as he did just before he sent Shou away. He didn't want to call the doctors, however. If Shou disliked the doctors, it was probably for good reason.
One morning, he had awoke to Shou drawing on a piece of scrap paper. It was a gray, melancholy sketch of a field of flowers. Shou was shading in the bark of a weeping willow when Saga leaned over his shoulder.
"Wow." he breathed. Shou jumped and the pencil broke, leaving a dark hole in the paper.
"Sorry. I was impressed. I didn't know you could draw."
"I can't." Shou protested. "I just felt like drawing something..."
"That's fine. I have an idea. Would you like to come to the craft store with me today?"
The answer had become clear: color.
Soon, the apartment was full of vases of fake flowers. Their brilliant hues filled the small space, bringing a sense of hope. Saga also allowed Shou to paint on the walls. He read somewhere that art has a therapeutic effect on those who are mentally troubled. It did seem to help. Shou spent about an hour each day sitting in front of a wall in the apartment and painting whatever he cared to create. He wasn't particularly talented or skilled, but it soothed him and for a while he was able to sleep again. It was still painfully obvious to Saga that something wasn't right. He missed Shou more than ever and had taken to watching him paint to fill his loneliness. It seemed to be the only time when Shou's face held expression and a glimmer of his former self.
"It must be the medication." Saga muttered one day. Shou put down his paintbrush and turned around.
"What?" he asked, his brows knitting together. Saga nodded, crossing his arms.
"It rewires your brain." he explained. Shou sighed, hugging his knees to his chest.
"You and I both know I can't stop taking my medication. It's supposed to help me. I don't like it either, but I don't want to know what will happen to be if I stop taking it."
"Let's just try... for one day only."
And that's exactly what they did. In the morning, Shou stashed the bottle of pills in a high cabinet and willed himself to forget about them. Then Saga took him outdoors. The weather was calm for once and a frosting of snow covered the city in its pure, white drifts. They went to every one of their old haunts, Saga recalling the past years with a smile. He did his best to keep Shou in a good mood, avoiding the record company where he used to work and the convenience store near their apartment. He honestly hoped that those places had been erased completely by the snow.
To both Saga and Shou's immense relief, the day seemed to go by without a hitch. Saga insisted on going out to eat, but Shou was eager to go back home and paint. So, they headed for the shelter of their space heater. Saga worked in the kitchen while Shou let vines of purple flowers bloom into life on the wall behind the couch. For once, he felt contented and clear-headed. This mood effected his hand, and in turn, the flowers came to life in a way they never had before. He was so absorbed in his paints, he didn't notice Saga approach him from behind.
"Dinner's ready." Saga said quietly, as to not startle Shou.
Shou nodded and laid his paintbrush to rest in a cup of lavender-clouded water.