my terrible secret shame...
is that I write psuedo-fan fiction for characters I play, and occasionally post them on the internet. See what sleep depration and exaustion from work can do to my writing. As usual, comments are welcome, or not, I want a puppy!:
I run for what feels like hours when I stop seeing red, and my legs collapse under me. I fall. Gasping and sobbing I fall to my knees. Blind rage and terror give way to rational fear. It knew, it knew. The white wolf saw what I was. He smelled it, he smelled my soul, and he knew. I can’t breathe now, and still I can’t stop sobbing. In Amn, they burn sorcerers at the stake. 14 years, and miles away, I still remember this. The image is seared in my mind, and as long as I live, I can never forget it. I have tried to push it aside, but always it returns, at night in my sleep, I recall it once more. The mob dragged father from our home and set him alight in the street. I remember he smiled at me as he burned. Was it because I still lived, or because the flames lifted a burden from him? I nearly choke as the name passes through me: Krisnitharinidre, The Black Flame.
Oh gods, he knew, he knew what we were, the blood of his forefathers that he passed to me, he knew, and the fire freed him from the burden, the burden that is mine to bear now. I realize that my sobs have turned to screams. The name isn’t mine, but it is, it is. I’m still gasping for air, and the fibers of my life are coming unraveled. I don’t know my self, how can they know me, how can I know myself? My friends, my comrades, can they trust me?
No, you have already betrayed them
No, I, how..?
You traded words with the white one, baited him, tested his wraith and he slaughtered them. He killed them all, and you ran, you left them there, left them to die.
I didn’t mean to, I didn’t want to, I only tried…
That’s right, you only tried. Your whole life you’ve tried, tried to shut me out, tried to silence my voice. Your petty vices, gambling, drinking, the ambivalence of your actions. You tried not to care; you tried not to get attached to anything, to care about your life. But you do care, Morn of Amn, the more you try not to, the more you do. Your friends, your home. Merely illusions, but beautiful illusions, and you loved them. You love life Morn, you loved it, and that love smothered my ire, shut out my attentions. But now you’ve wrecked all you loved, killed it with your stupidity…
No, I didn’t, I didn’t…
Yes, yes you did, Morn, do you need to see it again? Shall I show you again?
No, please, don’t I don’t need to see it again
Yes you do, Morn, see again what your pride and pretension have wrought
And it shows me, and I see it all again. I feel Amman’s hand grip me even as he dies, I see the light leave his eyes. I hear Bree as the Wargs tear her to the ground. Ardan, Niakhra, I watch them die. Oh Gods, I can’t breathe, Amman, Ardan, Duriel, Father, Bree. Bree…
All gone away now Morn, all gone away…except you. Cry now, Morn, because there won't be time for that later
All gone, all dead…
Its laugh scrapes like a knife on my rib
Who are you?
Who? Morn. I am you, Morn, I am you…
The Black Flame
The Black Flame
What is left now, what do I have now?
Nothing, Nothing but revenge. Destroy those who did this to you, Destroy them, Black Flame. Annihilate them, Black flame. Call down your birthright, and be their ruin, Black Flame. Black Flame, Black Flame...
The words echo in my mind over and over again.
Theblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflame Theblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflame Theblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflame Theblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflame Theblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflame
The Black Flame.
The feeling is extraordinary, I can almost feel my heart harden as I pull myself to my feet, my hands twisted into the claws. My drive is simple: I will hurt those who hurt me. I will destroy those who would destroy those near to me. My smile is grim, and devoid of warmth.
Vengeance.
Vengeance.
I think sleep now. If, cat, stick...
I run for what feels like hours when I stop seeing red, and my legs collapse under me. I fall. Gasping and sobbing I fall to my knees. Blind rage and terror give way to rational fear. It knew, it knew. The white wolf saw what I was. He smelled it, he smelled my soul, and he knew. I can’t breathe now, and still I can’t stop sobbing. In Amn, they burn sorcerers at the stake. 14 years, and miles away, I still remember this. The image is seared in my mind, and as long as I live, I can never forget it. I have tried to push it aside, but always it returns, at night in my sleep, I recall it once more. The mob dragged father from our home and set him alight in the street. I remember he smiled at me as he burned. Was it because I still lived, or because the flames lifted a burden from him? I nearly choke as the name passes through me: Krisnitharinidre, The Black Flame.
Oh gods, he knew, he knew what we were, the blood of his forefathers that he passed to me, he knew, and the fire freed him from the burden, the burden that is mine to bear now. I realize that my sobs have turned to screams. The name isn’t mine, but it is, it is. I’m still gasping for air, and the fibers of my life are coming unraveled. I don’t know my self, how can they know me, how can I know myself? My friends, my comrades, can they trust me?
No, you have already betrayed them
No, I, how..?
You traded words with the white one, baited him, tested his wraith and he slaughtered them. He killed them all, and you ran, you left them there, left them to die.
I didn’t mean to, I didn’t want to, I only tried…
That’s right, you only tried. Your whole life you’ve tried, tried to shut me out, tried to silence my voice. Your petty vices, gambling, drinking, the ambivalence of your actions. You tried not to care; you tried not to get attached to anything, to care about your life. But you do care, Morn of Amn, the more you try not to, the more you do. Your friends, your home. Merely illusions, but beautiful illusions, and you loved them. You love life Morn, you loved it, and that love smothered my ire, shut out my attentions. But now you’ve wrecked all you loved, killed it with your stupidity…
No, I didn’t, I didn’t…
Yes, yes you did, Morn, do you need to see it again? Shall I show you again?
No, please, don’t I don’t need to see it again
Yes you do, Morn, see again what your pride and pretension have wrought
And it shows me, and I see it all again. I feel Amman’s hand grip me even as he dies, I see the light leave his eyes. I hear Bree as the Wargs tear her to the ground. Ardan, Niakhra, I watch them die. Oh Gods, I can’t breathe, Amman, Ardan, Duriel, Father, Bree. Bree…
All gone away now Morn, all gone away…except you. Cry now, Morn, because there won't be time for that later
All gone, all dead…
Its laugh scrapes like a knife on my rib
Who are you?
Who? Morn. I am you, Morn, I am you…
The Black Flame
The Black Flame
What is left now, what do I have now?
Nothing, Nothing but revenge. Destroy those who did this to you, Destroy them, Black Flame. Annihilate them, Black flame. Call down your birthright, and be their ruin, Black Flame. Black Flame, Black Flame...
The words echo in my mind over and over again.
Theblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflame Theblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflame Theblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflame Theblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflame Theblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflametheblackflame
The Black Flame.
The feeling is extraordinary, I can almost feel my heart harden as I pull myself to my feet, my hands twisted into the claws. My drive is simple: I will hurt those who hurt me. I will destroy those who would destroy those near to me. My smile is grim, and devoid of warmth.
Vengeance.
Vengeance.
I think sleep now. If, cat, stick...