and since i dont have Theresa's email address i guess ill post my story
EPIC QUEST
(The most epic story you will ever read)
Well, once upon a time I just happened to be walking through a forest with my posse, and by posse I mean friends, and by friends I mean losers I know from school. Well like I said, we were walking through a forest. Which forest you ask? Well honestly I have no idea because this story isn’t that important and neither are the people in it, excluding Ron, the main character, of course. Did I mention my name is Ron and I’m the main character of this epic adventure? Guess not. Well I am and you are just going to have to deal with that fact. But like I said we were walking through a forest when we happened upon a big open clearing. Then all of the sudden at a completely random time Bryan started yelling about big fat flying pigs… so I had to hit him on the head with a hard blunt object, I was happy. ^_^.
Oh well, actually that wasn’t that long ago, but it was a part of another story you will need to read. That was a good story. I would actually suggest reading that one. This one is terrible, I know it, but read it second, the other one was better, even though it doesn’t exist yet. Or was it? I don’t quite remember. My old age is setting in causing me to forget insignificant details like that. I don’t remember if this is the story about taking over the world or the story about that one time we went to a movie and ended up going to jail for the brutal attempted murder of an old lady. Guess we will just have to read on and see wont we? Although, that lady was a bitch and totally had it coming. Guess that’s what happens when you get old.
Whose Bryan you ask? Well Bryan was the single coolest person on this planet, other than the few people cooler than himself. He was a giant man of epic strength. He had a purer soul than Jesus himself. He even at one point in our adventures took the blame for everything that had happened wrong in our world and ended up dieing for our sins. Or was that Jesus? Damn it! I forgot again. Let’s just suffice to say that he was a good guy who was pretty strong. And then he cut his hair. Now he’s the moron we see him as today. Maybe one day in the future he will regain his legendary status as one of the strongest warriors in the world. Only time will tell, or me, or which ever one of us gets there first.
Well we were in this clearing, we being me, Bryan and the other people who were with us, who aren’t yet important enough for names. As we walked through the clearing an indignant old man strode up to us demanding to know what we were doing. Of course there was no way of knowing whether this old man was really just an old man or some shifty old man suit wearing ninja warrior mage. The only thing we had to go on was the indignant look on his face. And that was good enough for us. Being the quick thinkers we are, Bryan and I engaged this old man in mortal combat before he had the chance to surprise attack us with a deadly spell of some sort.
As I charged toward him I started to realize I wasn’t entirely sure of my intentions in this fight. Did I really believe that this was some crazy hybrid of ninja, warrior and mage or was I just picking on old people? At about that point in time I realized it was better to ask questions first than to possibly destroy an innocent old man. So I stopped my attack.
As I came to a screeching halt I looked back only to discover that I had already completed my attack. I frantically looked around for Bryan but he was nowhere to be found. Suddenly I was flying threw the air and found myself suspended about 20.234 feet above the ground upside down, right next to Bryan. I guess that explains why I couldn’t find him when I looked around. Stupid Bryan hanging in the air when I needed him the most. Just as was about to demand what Bryan was doing in the air instead of helping me the old man who was somehow miraculously unharmed spoke.
“WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUST ATTACK ME YOU STUPID PUNKS!” screamed the indignant old man.
It was at that point I realized I had made my first fatal mistake, I let my stupid brain get in the way of my instincts. And my instincts were never wrong. This old man REALLY was a crazy hybrid.
“Damn!” I said to myself, “Why did I stop to think? Noting good ever comes of thinking. Oh well maybe there is something I can do to get us out of this mess.”
I thought and I thought, because now was the time for thinking, until I finally settled on a suitable plan to get us out of this mess. But it was at that moment Bryan ruined it all by doing the exact same thing I was going to do. Only less dignified and more whiny.
“PLEASE LET US DOWN,” cried Bryan, “WE PROMISE TO DO ANYTHING YOU ASK!”
“Really?” asked the old man, “Well I might have a use for you after all.”
Stupid Bryan, look what he got us involved in. Nothing good has ever come from getting involved with some weird crazy old man hybrid who probably wants you to do some meaningless task that has no purpose and requires way too much effort. And besides this was probably just for his amusement anyways.
At this point we really had no choice but to go along with this old man. He did have us suspended in the air after all and there was no telling what else he was capable of. So we had to do what he said.
The old man watched us with his old man look until we reached the ground, and then he began to speak… again.
“The task I have for you is mostly pretty easy. I just want the two of you and your friends to travel the world, conquering lands until you have united the world under a global banner of freedom. Can you do that?”
“YES WE CAN!” yelled an exuberant Bryan.
“Gah,” I sighed.
I personally thought we had a better chance of just killing this old man and being on our merry way than to take over the world but Bryan had already engaged us into an almost binding somewhat verbal pact. So I had no choice but to just go along with it for now.
“Good,” said the old man, “I will leave you for now, but do not fret I will return when you need my help.”
And then he vanished. And so began our epic quest to unite the world under a single banner of freedom. Whatever that meant. I also guess that makes this the story of quest to take over the world and not the other one with the old lady. Although, now that I think about it there might be an old lady in a movie theater in this one too.
By: Ronaldo the Cookster