(no subject)
well everyone that knows me real good(chris,eric,steph,courtney,rachel,skye,kell,john) and thats about all who knows me real good and like i was saying they no i have it bad but these past couple of days i feel like there is no comming back were i am at i feel like i dug myself such a big hole and i feel in it and i cant get out no matter what i do. there are people that are there for me and would love to throw a rope down to me but i WILL NOT grab it. i am living because i just want to see if tomorrow will be worse and almost everyday is getting worse and worse. well it started at 400 am this morning. well i take two hardcore meds. one call ambein and one is call seraquil. they both stop the part of the brain that thinks. what they are is hardcore narcotic's so yea. so if i wake up in the middle of the night i cant think or do things cause basicly i am a walking zombie if i wake up before they wear off i cant think. so this morning i guess i woke up and cooked eggs and toast i cant remember it but i guess in the process the toast caught on fire and the only thing i can remeember is my parents saying i am getting kicked out when i was fully awake like 4 hours later i had to get dressed and go to work guess what happens next i get in my car and my engin light goes on i knew my car was dieing but not this fast. i have no money to aford a car so i really dont know what i am going to do i am kicked out no car no money a shitty job and a fucked up life. today all day i realized there is no hope for me nothing ever goes good for me and right now i feel alone but i know there are people out there that care for me but like i always say its not helping knowing i have people here for me its not worth it anymore to try.i am never happy i am just a lost fucking cause. i just want to see why i am really here. i know no one knows whats going to go on in there life but the only thing i know is i am not going to try anymore . every one thing that goes good for me there are 5 things to go bad. all day its like a nightmare knowing the people i am going to hurt if i just give in to my thought and that does suck people that do know me i have been going through a shity life since i was 8 years of age and never stoped there it just got worse every year every month every day every min. and every second. i guess you got to do what you got to do.
peace,love,and the persuit of justice.
ray.
p.s. "suicide is mans way of telling god you cant fire me i quit"
peace,love,and the persuit of justice.
ray.
p.s. "suicide is mans way of telling god you cant fire me i quit"