(no subject)
Weight: 180
Cal: Enough to feed an army.
I’ve started taking a new weight loss pill. It’s supposed to help you loose weight while you sleep ad take away your appetite. Hopefully it’ll work. And once I start earning more money I’m going to get a member ship at Bally’s. Until then I’m just going to have to stick to rollerblading and walking. As I’m putting this down it looks so weird and wrong, yet, this is me and my life.
It’s like someone is living inside my head controlling me. Every time some big change in my life comes around I panic. My parents blame it on Ben (ex-boy-friend); but it’s not all him. Most of it’s me. I’m so terrified of failing that I quit, back out of change my mind. Latest example- I’ve been studying to be an EMT this semester. As we got closer to the licensing test I started panicking, about pre-med, weather I was good enough to be an EMT, and on and on. This is usually what happens when I think about medicine. Anyway long story short, I was stressed out that I caused myself to have a status migraine. The doctor took me off school and work for the last two weeks. Being out of work put me behind in bills; but being out school caused me to have to take an incomplete for the semester. Meaning I don’t have to worry about my tests now; but I have to complete to program within one year, or I take an F. Why do I always do things like this to myself? I so much want to be on my own, yet I’m so afraid of not making it that I don’t want to try. I just wish some handsome rich guy would come along, sweep my off my feet, and take care of me so I don’t have to worry about any of this. The hardest part about all this is every time I try to talk to my parents about this, they just laugh at me and tell me “that’s high school worries, grow up and act like an adult.” If growing up and acting like an adult means living like my parents I don’t ever want to grow up. Some days I wish I would have let my parents put me in a home, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about all of this. Am I the only one that thinks this way? I live in a life of what if’s, why not’s, and I should haves. It’s enough to drive a normal person crazy, and I’m NOT a normal person according to everyone around me.
Cal: Enough to feed an army.
I’ve started taking a new weight loss pill. It’s supposed to help you loose weight while you sleep ad take away your appetite. Hopefully it’ll work. And once I start earning more money I’m going to get a member ship at Bally’s. Until then I’m just going to have to stick to rollerblading and walking. As I’m putting this down it looks so weird and wrong, yet, this is me and my life.
It’s like someone is living inside my head controlling me. Every time some big change in my life comes around I panic. My parents blame it on Ben (ex-boy-friend); but it’s not all him. Most of it’s me. I’m so terrified of failing that I quit, back out of change my mind. Latest example- I’ve been studying to be an EMT this semester. As we got closer to the licensing test I started panicking, about pre-med, weather I was good enough to be an EMT, and on and on. This is usually what happens when I think about medicine. Anyway long story short, I was stressed out that I caused myself to have a status migraine. The doctor took me off school and work for the last two weeks. Being out of work put me behind in bills; but being out school caused me to have to take an incomplete for the semester. Meaning I don’t have to worry about my tests now; but I have to complete to program within one year, or I take an F. Why do I always do things like this to myself? I so much want to be on my own, yet I’m so afraid of not making it that I don’t want to try. I just wish some handsome rich guy would come along, sweep my off my feet, and take care of me so I don’t have to worry about any of this. The hardest part about all this is every time I try to talk to my parents about this, they just laugh at me and tell me “that’s high school worries, grow up and act like an adult.” If growing up and acting like an adult means living like my parents I don’t ever want to grow up. Some days I wish I would have let my parents put me in a home, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about all of this. Am I the only one that thinks this way? I live in a life of what if’s, why not’s, and I should haves. It’s enough to drive a normal person crazy, and I’m NOT a normal person according to everyone around me.