(no subject)
yesterday i went to visit the grave of Lynn for the first time since her funeral, a year ago. It wasn't...what i anticipated.
it was just peaceful... and still. when i picture her under the ground i imagine grass roots and the bulbs my mother planted, living through her. and when i think about my own death, i want a cardboard coffin, so i can feed the soil around me.
strange how things can end so suddenly
when talking with my mum, planting flowers around the gravestone, she exclaimed that if i ever commited suicide she would as well. This tears me apart, the possibility... it something that will always be with me, and i really believe if someone is dedicated to killing themselves you shouldnt force them to live
life isnt nesscerily the best option
but my mum..what a dirty trick, to say something like that.
i resent her for caring too much, and yet really not being able to understand. i should feel more lucky. maybe
it was just peaceful... and still. when i picture her under the ground i imagine grass roots and the bulbs my mother planted, living through her. and when i think about my own death, i want a cardboard coffin, so i can feed the soil around me.
strange how things can end so suddenly
when talking with my mum, planting flowers around the gravestone, she exclaimed that if i ever commited suicide she would as well. This tears me apart, the possibility... it something that will always be with me, and i really believe if someone is dedicated to killing themselves you shouldnt force them to live
life isnt nesscerily the best option
but my mum..what a dirty trick, to say something like that.
i resent her for caring too much, and yet really not being able to understand. i should feel more lucky. maybe