hallo thar
I should really post more often.
This, I know.
However, doing so is another matter entirely.
Yesterday I spent the day basically in bed. Mostly on my laptop, but falling asleep here and there. My brain just wouldn't let go of the fuzziness. When night came, the guilt set in.
There was a rather long-ish moment when I actually seriously pondered signing up for spn_j2_bigbang. Like I could just pour out twenty thousand words in three months. Of something relatively legible and coherent. When I'm having troubles enough with a few thousand right now. I thought, if I could actually come up with a good enough plot, then outline it (yeah, outline it) then it wouldn't be so hard. And then just sit my lazy ass down, at regular intervals, and WRITE.
But no plot bunnies bounced my way. At least nothing that I could foresee stretching for twenty thousands words.
I don't know why I cave when given deadlines. You'd think it's force me to actually do it. But I find myself shrinking, slinking away. Giving in to the first thought of I can't do this.
I'm giving in a lot lately. Well, I'm giving in a lot more than I used to. It's getting worse. Like I'm just too tired to fight for anything, so I just go with the flow, even if that flow heads toward a cliff.
I need to re-learn how to stand up for myself. To take what I need, and what I want. To Just Do It. To really believe that I can do it.
This, I know.
However, doing so is another matter entirely.
Yesterday I spent the day basically in bed. Mostly on my laptop, but falling asleep here and there. My brain just wouldn't let go of the fuzziness. When night came, the guilt set in.
There was a rather long-ish moment when I actually seriously pondered signing up for spn_j2_bigbang. Like I could just pour out twenty thousand words in three months. Of something relatively legible and coherent. When I'm having troubles enough with a few thousand right now. I thought, if I could actually come up with a good enough plot, then outline it (yeah, outline it) then it wouldn't be so hard. And then just sit my lazy ass down, at regular intervals, and WRITE.
But no plot bunnies bounced my way. At least nothing that I could foresee stretching for twenty thousands words.
I don't know why I cave when given deadlines. You'd think it's force me to actually do it. But I find myself shrinking, slinking away. Giving in to the first thought of I can't do this.
I'm giving in a lot lately. Well, I'm giving in a lot more than I used to. It's getting worse. Like I'm just too tired to fight for anything, so I just go with the flow, even if that flow heads toward a cliff.
I need to re-learn how to stand up for myself. To take what I need, and what I want. To Just Do It. To really believe that I can do it.