(no subject)
So, I did indeed bomb today. At 2:30. Just felt completely flat, featureless and pointless. I wanted to lay down and-- yeah. Not die, just not 'be'.
I took two Proenzi pills, but these had NO ephedra, only caffeine (my son brought me the wrong bottle and I forgot to look at it.) And then I forced myself to go do groceries. I felt only slightly capable of that seeing as I (for once) didn't have to lug two empty 18L water bottles with me, as there were actually none empty for me to bring! Along the way I bought myself a Vault energy drink (100mg caffeine) and dragged my feet the rest of the way there (a 20 min. walk).
But then, about fifteen minutes into the shopping, with my headphones on, something happened. Suddenly I didn't feel so flat anymore. Suddenly I felt this sort of twisting energy uncoil itself inside me and my body stiffened up from its post-rigor-mortis-like loose-limbed apathy into something that partially resembled life. I felt alive. I felt like bouncing about. I felt like I could do things.
In these instances, I cease to move like an ordinary human being.
It's not just walking; it's sliding, and waltzing, and side-stepping.
It's not just taking something off the shelves; it's gracefully reaching forward, plucking the item from the shelf, do a sorta half-ballet-spin toward the cart, and placing the item just right.
It's not just pushing the laden-down cart; it's heaving myself forward into the cart like I were a trying to shove a cart of ore. It's twisting it around aisles. It's using it as a fulcrum for yet more sinewy body movements that exaggerate the norm.
It's not just taking things from the cart and placing them on the conveyor belt; it's flipping them up in the air, catching them in the other hand, and sliding them into their 'proper' place on the conveyor belt.
It's not just sliding the card through and paying; it's striking a pose and covertly punching in numbers as though I were a french spy, and sliding over to the cart, swinging it around and quick-step my way toward the door to call for a cab.
Shopping, excursions, become something completely different when I feel this way.
So, I felt good this morning, bombed this afternoon, and was resurrected as something else.
And now, I'm back to being FLAT. Could also be because I'm tired. Yeah. (And feeling like I'm the only one who does anything because the food only got completely put away four hours after I got back, and then I had to do the dishes. Apparently I'm the ONLY capable person in this house and everyone else is an invalid. There is only ONE true invalid in this house, and it's NOT one of my children!)
tiny, last minute note: I use semagic and have my icon as "random" and this is what it chose this time.
I took two Proenzi pills, but these had NO ephedra, only caffeine (my son brought me the wrong bottle and I forgot to look at it.) And then I forced myself to go do groceries. I felt only slightly capable of that seeing as I (for once) didn't have to lug two empty 18L water bottles with me, as there were actually none empty for me to bring! Along the way I bought myself a Vault energy drink (100mg caffeine) and dragged my feet the rest of the way there (a 20 min. walk).
But then, about fifteen minutes into the shopping, with my headphones on, something happened. Suddenly I didn't feel so flat anymore. Suddenly I felt this sort of twisting energy uncoil itself inside me and my body stiffened up from its post-rigor-mortis-like loose-limbed apathy into something that partially resembled life. I felt alive. I felt like bouncing about. I felt like I could do things.
In these instances, I cease to move like an ordinary human being.
It's not just walking; it's sliding, and waltzing, and side-stepping.
It's not just taking something off the shelves; it's gracefully reaching forward, plucking the item from the shelf, do a sorta half-ballet-spin toward the cart, and placing the item just right.
It's not just pushing the laden-down cart; it's heaving myself forward into the cart like I were a trying to shove a cart of ore. It's twisting it around aisles. It's using it as a fulcrum for yet more sinewy body movements that exaggerate the norm.
It's not just taking things from the cart and placing them on the conveyor belt; it's flipping them up in the air, catching them in the other hand, and sliding them into their 'proper' place on the conveyor belt.
It's not just sliding the card through and paying; it's striking a pose and covertly punching in numbers as though I were a french spy, and sliding over to the cart, swinging it around and quick-step my way toward the door to call for a cab.
Shopping, excursions, become something completely different when I feel this way.
So, I felt good this morning, bombed this afternoon, and was resurrected as something else.
And now, I'm back to being FLAT. Could also be because I'm tired. Yeah. (And feeling like I'm the only one who does anything because the food only got completely put away four hours after I got back, and then I had to do the dishes. Apparently I'm the ONLY capable person in this house and everyone else is an invalid. There is only ONE true invalid in this house, and it's NOT one of my children!)
tiny, last minute note: I use semagic and have my icon as "random" and this is what it chose this time.