good friend and a glass of wine
So. This is definitely a BIG BIG year for New Year's resolutions.
I spent a lot of my time since being with Christopher kind of in recovery. I was emotionally wounded from relationships and all sorts of issues.
Lately I feel like the person that I was has woken up. There were a lot of feelings and memories in dormancy.
Recent occurences have brought things to my attention. I have remembered a lot of things that made me who I am. Which leads me to the next problem. I kind of still don't really know who I am. Now it is entirely possible that this is a feeling that will pretty much always exist, but I'd at least like to zero in on it a little.
I spent a good portion of my life allowing the man (or boy) I was with or pursuing define who I was. Now, I can say that I was independent in a lot of ways, but mostly there was that influence on my style, music, and ways of thinking.
I cannot necessarily say that this was a terrible thing, because through a lot of these guys that came into my life, I was exposed to a lot of different things that had a good influence on who I am.
But now comes the time when I need to start really understanding who I am with no one else around. I need to get in touch with myself and accept the idea of spending time alone.
I love my boyfriend very much, but I think lately I am learning that we are all independent vessels that may or may not have something to share with one another. We come together, and we mix the little bits of ourselves and see what happens. We love, we hate, we fear, and no one we ever meet will ever understand us as much as we understand ourselves.
Our lives may be intertwined but no matter what it is a path that we take alone. I think I'm beginning to understand that and though it makes me a little sad, I am happy that I have met so many amazing people along the way.
"So now, alone or not, you've gotta walk ahead. Thing to remember is if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too."
So, my New Year's resolution(s) is to find out who I am, and what I want. I want to take these ideas and use them to live my life to the fullest extent and be all that I am capable of. I'm not going to sit and watch my life fly by anymore and fear for my future. I'm going to DO something. I'm going to connect with people. I'm going to live.
(on a side note I'm also gonna glam it up a little this year. I might as well enjoy it while I can)
I've come from a lot of different places. I'm different than most everyone I know. And that's okay. No one's gonna be just like me.
Yeah and another thing, I'm also going to move on from the friends that have walked away and broke my heart. This means it is my intention to never try to contact these people again. This is kind of a biggie. My former best friend ripped my heart out of my chest. She blames me somehow I know. But I'm the one left hurting, and I don't have the strength to be bitter anymore, so bye bye to that. There's a male friend that kind of broke my heart too. But I have to let them go their own ways if that is what they so choose.
I'm drinking a glass of wine and feeling hopeful for the future, knowing that no matter what I do have the strength to get through and to enjoy the life I have been given, whatever may come.
I spent a lot of my time since being with Christopher kind of in recovery. I was emotionally wounded from relationships and all sorts of issues.
Lately I feel like the person that I was has woken up. There were a lot of feelings and memories in dormancy.
Recent occurences have brought things to my attention. I have remembered a lot of things that made me who I am. Which leads me to the next problem. I kind of still don't really know who I am. Now it is entirely possible that this is a feeling that will pretty much always exist, but I'd at least like to zero in on it a little.
I spent a good portion of my life allowing the man (or boy) I was with or pursuing define who I was. Now, I can say that I was independent in a lot of ways, but mostly there was that influence on my style, music, and ways of thinking.
I cannot necessarily say that this was a terrible thing, because through a lot of these guys that came into my life, I was exposed to a lot of different things that had a good influence on who I am.
But now comes the time when I need to start really understanding who I am with no one else around. I need to get in touch with myself and accept the idea of spending time alone.
I love my boyfriend very much, but I think lately I am learning that we are all independent vessels that may or may not have something to share with one another. We come together, and we mix the little bits of ourselves and see what happens. We love, we hate, we fear, and no one we ever meet will ever understand us as much as we understand ourselves.
Our lives may be intertwined but no matter what it is a path that we take alone. I think I'm beginning to understand that and though it makes me a little sad, I am happy that I have met so many amazing people along the way.
"So now, alone or not, you've gotta walk ahead. Thing to remember is if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too."
So, my New Year's resolution(s) is to find out who I am, and what I want. I want to take these ideas and use them to live my life to the fullest extent and be all that I am capable of. I'm not going to sit and watch my life fly by anymore and fear for my future. I'm going to DO something. I'm going to connect with people. I'm going to live.
(on a side note I'm also gonna glam it up a little this year. I might as well enjoy it while I can)
I've come from a lot of different places. I'm different than most everyone I know. And that's okay. No one's gonna be just like me.
Yeah and another thing, I'm also going to move on from the friends that have walked away and broke my heart. This means it is my intention to never try to contact these people again. This is kind of a biggie. My former best friend ripped my heart out of my chest. She blames me somehow I know. But I'm the one left hurting, and I don't have the strength to be bitter anymore, so bye bye to that. There's a male friend that kind of broke my heart too. But I have to let them go their own ways if that is what they so choose.
I'm drinking a glass of wine and feeling hopeful for the future, knowing that no matter what I do have the strength to get through and to enjoy the life I have been given, whatever may come.