say WHHAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!
MY CURRENT "BEEFS"
-my jobs...all of them.
the pizza place: it's a job that's filled to the brim with drama, rumours, rampant health/safety violations, wanton teenage sluts and mentally unstable drug addicts. every shift i work there tears a strip out of my self-worth.
-the upstairs. technically, i've only worked one shift there. (i have another one today) but i'm already frustrated with the management (or lack thereof) i just want a job with some security and a decent wage and a boss who respects me.
-caretaking. i've almost reached my wit's end. i'm getting really sick and tired of getting blamed for other people's mistakes. of horrible cunty women who spread nasty rumors about us and try to get us fired at every turn. of dumpster divers who spread garbage all over our lawns. i'm not sure how much more of this i can take. this job is making me older. not "older and wiser" but "bitter and jaded". i'm wayyy too young for that to happen to me.
the cost of housing in saskatoon lately. if nigel and i do quit the caretaking, we'll need a new place. and i'm not sure what kind of a place we can afford at the moment. hopefully we can both have wonderful full time jobs by that time.
the way i feel about myself lately. a few weeks ago, nigel and i had a mini fight. it's mostly due to the fact that we've both been rather stressed about our job lately. especially since it's taking us forever to fill up these vacant suites. but the basic jist of it is that we've both been getting on each other's nerves lately and we've both been kinda picking at each other. but he made a comment along the lines of "i don't want you to take this the wrong way, but i noticed that you've put on a little weight this winter and i think that you and i should spend some time getting in shape."
not too bad
"i'm not as attracted to you as i was when we first met."
what?!?!
now, the weight gain thing is true. i've gained about 20-25 pounds since we met. but keep in mind that i was about 95-100 pounds at that point. i was unhealthy and emaciated. and since i've put on this weight, i've actually started feeling really good about how i look. but that one little well meaning comment just dashed that away.
i told him all this and we talked about it and he apologized, and he's been doing all kinds of nice things for me lately to help me feel more attractive. but since i'm a female, i can't seem to let go of that awful feeling.
i feel ugly.
i feel dumpy.
i'm getting better, but i still feel self-conscious around him.
there are lots of good things happening too, don't get me wrong. but i just needed a chance to vent.
SOME GOOD THINGS
-nigel and i are closer than ever. i can talk to him about mostly anything, and i just really enjoy spending time with him. he wakes me up every morning with kisses and snuggles and tells me he loves me.
-i'm thinking of re-applying to cooking school. cooking seems to be the one thing that i'm actually good at, and i really enjoy it, so why not try to pursue a career in that field?
-my new job at the upstairs. yes, this was also in my "beefs", but i think this job will give me a chance to get some actual kitchen experience and maybe try out some new vegan recipes.
-planting a garden at nigel's parent's farm this weekend. i can't wait to spend some time out of the city, to dig in the dirt and breathe some fresh air. and do some camping. oh yeah. plus we might be able to visit nigel's friend al and his lady friend adrienne. we could go on a "double date"!!! ooooo!!!
see, i'm not just complaining.
-my jobs...all of them.
the pizza place: it's a job that's filled to the brim with drama, rumours, rampant health/safety violations, wanton teenage sluts and mentally unstable drug addicts. every shift i work there tears a strip out of my self-worth.
-the upstairs. technically, i've only worked one shift there. (i have another one today) but i'm already frustrated with the management (or lack thereof) i just want a job with some security and a decent wage and a boss who respects me.
-caretaking. i've almost reached my wit's end. i'm getting really sick and tired of getting blamed for other people's mistakes. of horrible cunty women who spread nasty rumors about us and try to get us fired at every turn. of dumpster divers who spread garbage all over our lawns. i'm not sure how much more of this i can take. this job is making me older. not "older and wiser" but "bitter and jaded". i'm wayyy too young for that to happen to me.
the cost of housing in saskatoon lately. if nigel and i do quit the caretaking, we'll need a new place. and i'm not sure what kind of a place we can afford at the moment. hopefully we can both have wonderful full time jobs by that time.
the way i feel about myself lately. a few weeks ago, nigel and i had a mini fight. it's mostly due to the fact that we've both been rather stressed about our job lately. especially since it's taking us forever to fill up these vacant suites. but the basic jist of it is that we've both been getting on each other's nerves lately and we've both been kinda picking at each other. but he made a comment along the lines of "i don't want you to take this the wrong way, but i noticed that you've put on a little weight this winter and i think that you and i should spend some time getting in shape."
not too bad
"i'm not as attracted to you as i was when we first met."
what?!?!
now, the weight gain thing is true. i've gained about 20-25 pounds since we met. but keep in mind that i was about 95-100 pounds at that point. i was unhealthy and emaciated. and since i've put on this weight, i've actually started feeling really good about how i look. but that one little well meaning comment just dashed that away.
i told him all this and we talked about it and he apologized, and he's been doing all kinds of nice things for me lately to help me feel more attractive. but since i'm a female, i can't seem to let go of that awful feeling.
i feel ugly.
i feel dumpy.
i'm getting better, but i still feel self-conscious around him.
there are lots of good things happening too, don't get me wrong. but i just needed a chance to vent.
SOME GOOD THINGS
-nigel and i are closer than ever. i can talk to him about mostly anything, and i just really enjoy spending time with him. he wakes me up every morning with kisses and snuggles and tells me he loves me.
-i'm thinking of re-applying to cooking school. cooking seems to be the one thing that i'm actually good at, and i really enjoy it, so why not try to pursue a career in that field?
-my new job at the upstairs. yes, this was also in my "beefs", but i think this job will give me a chance to get some actual kitchen experience and maybe try out some new vegan recipes.
-planting a garden at nigel's parent's farm this weekend. i can't wait to spend some time out of the city, to dig in the dirt and breathe some fresh air. and do some camping. oh yeah. plus we might be able to visit nigel's friend al and his lady friend adrienne. we could go on a "double date"!!! ooooo!!!
see, i'm not just complaining.