read the cut if you read nothing else.
I want to tell everyone I know to READ THIS. In fact, I am. READ THIS. I may have to go log into facebook or something to publicize it more, i mean it that much. The parts I want to re-emphasize
Here is a regrettable fact for you: some men really, really, really hate women. I've met them! They are very scary! They do things like hit women, and rape them! We all agree that those things are bad, and based in woman-hating, right? (Right, Ned? Right, Gus? Good, I'm glad you follow me.) It's hard to miss how much they hate women, with the hitting and the raping and all.
However, the vast majority of men, in my own personal experience, do not hate women. They like women. They have the best of intentions toward women. They even agree that hating women is gross and bad, when it takes the form of hitting and raping. Also? The vast majority of those men? Still totally sexist.
For example: they assume they have the natural, God-given right to fuck a different girl every week, yet think that ladies who get around are "kind of slutty." (This is especially fun when you are the "kind of slutty" girl who has made the choice to fuck them - for which choice they must, of course, condemn you.) They don't broach serious topics with you, out of respect for your tiny lady-brain, but when you raise those topics, they lecture and condescend and talk over you even when it's apparent that you know more than they do. They don't see why they can't talk publicly about whether or not they'd "hit that"; they know that rape and domestic abuse and stuff like that is bad, but don't see why they can't tell jokes about it; and, you know, it's not that they hate women or anything, but they don't see why they can't call someone a slut or a tease or a cunt or an uptight bitch if she is, you know, acting like one. Also? They know it's not PC? But they think that women, with their emotions and hormones and stuff, are... um... crazy.
They don't hate women, though! They haven't hit any, or raped any! So, if you call them "misogynist" or "sexist," they will check to make sure that they don't remember any hittings or rapings, conclude that they haven't done those very bad things, and dismiss you. They forget that condescending to women, objectifying them (not fantasizing about them sexually, but defining them as objects that are only good for sexual fantasy or sex), and thinking about them in terms of demeaning stereotypes is also sexism. That's just normal bro-stuff! They are normal!
Yes, Virginia and/or Ned Hepburn and/or Gus Menary, sexism is normal. It is a huge part of culture. Men are raised with male privilege, which allows and encourages sexism, and disallows women from challenging it (or stereotypes them as "militant feminists" who are angry and bitter and un-funny if they do). Every man, I am telling you - along with, unsurprisingly, many women - has some sexist attitudes that he needs to address, even if he is the nicest and most well-meaning man in the world, because every man is raised in this current world, where the norm is sexist. I know several men who are very nice and well-meaning, and I like them very much, and on occasion I have had to point out that they are being sexist! Because I get that it is not conscious! I have had to be like, "excuse me, friend/boyfriend/coworker/what-have-you, I understand that you mean well, but please back the fuck up, stop treating me like a girl, and start treating me like a person." The guys who are actually decent people listen, and stop with the sexist behaviors! The others... well.
Part of male privilege is that you don't have to listen to people when they call you out on your sexism. There are so many, many, many convenient stereotypes that you can use to dismiss them! And the world will back you up! That is what "privilege" means! So, your commitment to listening and changing the way you behave - your commitment to not being sexist any more, and to not getting defensive when people point your sexism out to you - really doesn't rest on anything but whether or not you are a good person. Whether or not you genuinely care about women enough to listen to them when they speak about things that are disrespectful, hurtful, or holding them back. Or, whether you want to pay lip service to women being humans, and continue with the frat-boy/"ironic" lady-hating.
The question, Gus and Ned, isn't whether you're sexist. The next step isn't explaining why you are not sexist. You're sexist. It's obvious. You got caught out, and you got called out. So: the question isn't how you're going to defend yourself. (YOU CANNOT, AT THIS POINT, DEFEND YOURSELF.) It's how you're going to change.
In other news, that doesn't tend to make me angry, I watched Caffeine the other night on demand, and it is actually a very enjoyable movie! i recommend it. I watched it because I called home and mom was like 'we are watching this weird movie and all they do is cuss and i don't know what the point is' so i turned it on to see. It's a kind of slice-of-life movie, only you get many small slices of many peoples' lives, which is, i think, a lot of fun. And I didn't really notice the cussing, which probably just means I cuss too much, but hey. Also, I love british accents? they make me wish I'd been able to take a course on Great Britian Dialectology.
linked by stillesprite, for your picnicing needs
Caught dinner & drinks with stillesprite and Corwin last night after stopping by the chinatown metro to give Tego's brother tickets to the Mets-Nats game. He was really excited, it was cute XD I also returned my library book!,
We went to Chinatown Express and jkl;faeiajglkeageijal;kgea it was still so amazingly good. I kind of danced happily to myself the whole night about it, just ask stillesprite. Then we went to RFD and got some drinks. I decided mine was a red because it was made from the blood of (baby) seals. :Dv
speaking of food and drink, Wednesday after Japanese-practice, rocksizedheart and I went to..actually, i don't remember the name. It's that place down between dupont and farragut that's in a dingy white building with like, a tent for a roof. THEIR BURGERS ARE AMAZING. i cannot even begin to tell you. a little on the pricy side (except not, because it's DC), but so, so good, and freaking huge.
Between all the hockey i've been watching lately (STANLEY CUP FINALS PEOPLE (that's a link to an Onion article btw)), I also caught Caffeine, and it was just such an enjoyable movie, i rec it to everyone! Katherine Heigl is in it, but it is a good movie despite that possibly because she's not in it very much. i think she's pretty, but the movie's she's been in, as far as i can tell, kind of suck. THIS IS NOT THAT KIND OF MOVIE. :D go watch~
I had to get up early this morning for a church book thing out at a restaurant on Leesburg Pike & George Mason Dr. (Yorktown Bistro: The food was really good, and the service too, but we had a private room at the time, and it was pretty quiet otherwise, so idk about usually. we had their sunday brunch menu! totally tasty!) The author actually goes to our church, so it was really cool that she was giving her talk about the book, but 'at home' kind of. I think it'll be fun/interesting. I'm a little bit leery in that there's a lot of societal pressure on women to GET MARRIED HAVE BABIES and this book is about not doing that while trusting God, but there's also a strong pressure in the Church to find someone there instead of out in the world. That is to say, the Christians often take that societal pressure to GET MARRIED HAVE BABIES and do their hunting in church, because that way you're marrying another Christian. Which is good, I think, except when you're not particularly looking to get married or have babies XD. So, it doesn't look to the be that kind of study, and that's exciting.
Also, I may have made some new friends (or at least, met more people from church/actually learned their names). And seem to have volunteered myself to help set-up tomorrow morning. I do have to say though, i believe anything that happens early on a saturday morning is intrinsically evil, so i am having a hard time reconciling church events and saturday morning awake-time.
Quest for the Magic Forest (part two). I have to tell you, I love this fic. I have been waiting for them to be posted forever (which is more my fault than anyone else's), but it's finally up, so now you all must go read it.
In conclusions, I need to find the time to post more often, because lately all the posts are either v short, or, like this one, way, way, way too long.
Here is a regrettable fact for you: some men really, really, really hate women. I've met them! They are very scary! They do things like hit women, and rape them! We all agree that those things are bad, and based in woman-hating, right? (Right, Ned? Right, Gus? Good, I'm glad you follow me.) It's hard to miss how much they hate women, with the hitting and the raping and all.
However, the vast majority of men, in my own personal experience, do not hate women. They like women. They have the best of intentions toward women. They even agree that hating women is gross and bad, when it takes the form of hitting and raping. Also? The vast majority of those men? Still totally sexist.
For example: they assume they have the natural, God-given right to fuck a different girl every week, yet think that ladies who get around are "kind of slutty." (This is especially fun when you are the "kind of slutty" girl who has made the choice to fuck them - for which choice they must, of course, condemn you.) They don't broach serious topics with you, out of respect for your tiny lady-brain, but when you raise those topics, they lecture and condescend and talk over you even when it's apparent that you know more than they do. They don't see why they can't talk publicly about whether or not they'd "hit that"; they know that rape and domestic abuse and stuff like that is bad, but don't see why they can't tell jokes about it; and, you know, it's not that they hate women or anything, but they don't see why they can't call someone a slut or a tease or a cunt or an uptight bitch if she is, you know, acting like one. Also? They know it's not PC? But they think that women, with their emotions and hormones and stuff, are... um... crazy.
They don't hate women, though! They haven't hit any, or raped any! So, if you call them "misogynist" or "sexist," they will check to make sure that they don't remember any hittings or rapings, conclude that they haven't done those very bad things, and dismiss you. They forget that condescending to women, objectifying them (not fantasizing about them sexually, but defining them as objects that are only good for sexual fantasy or sex), and thinking about them in terms of demeaning stereotypes is also sexism. That's just normal bro-stuff! They are normal!
Yes, Virginia and/or Ned Hepburn and/or Gus Menary, sexism is normal. It is a huge part of culture. Men are raised with male privilege, which allows and encourages sexism, and disallows women from challenging it (or stereotypes them as "militant feminists" who are angry and bitter and un-funny if they do). Every man, I am telling you - along with, unsurprisingly, many women - has some sexist attitudes that he needs to address, even if he is the nicest and most well-meaning man in the world, because every man is raised in this current world, where the norm is sexist. I know several men who are very nice and well-meaning, and I like them very much, and on occasion I have had to point out that they are being sexist! Because I get that it is not conscious! I have had to be like, "excuse me, friend/boyfriend/coworker/what-have-you, I understand that you mean well, but please back the fuck up, stop treating me like a girl, and start treating me like a person." The guys who are actually decent people listen, and stop with the sexist behaviors! The others... well.
Part of male privilege is that you don't have to listen to people when they call you out on your sexism. There are so many, many, many convenient stereotypes that you can use to dismiss them! And the world will back you up! That is what "privilege" means! So, your commitment to listening and changing the way you behave - your commitment to not being sexist any more, and to not getting defensive when people point your sexism out to you - really doesn't rest on anything but whether or not you are a good person. Whether or not you genuinely care about women enough to listen to them when they speak about things that are disrespectful, hurtful, or holding them back. Or, whether you want to pay lip service to women being humans, and continue with the frat-boy/"ironic" lady-hating.
The question, Gus and Ned, isn't whether you're sexist. The next step isn't explaining why you are not sexist. You're sexist. It's obvious. You got caught out, and you got called out. So: the question isn't how you're going to defend yourself. (YOU CANNOT, AT THIS POINT, DEFEND YOURSELF.) It's how you're going to change.
In other news, that doesn't tend to make me angry, I watched Caffeine the other night on demand, and it is actually a very enjoyable movie! i recommend it. I watched it because I called home and mom was like 'we are watching this weird movie and all they do is cuss and i don't know what the point is' so i turned it on to see. It's a kind of slice-of-life movie, only you get many small slices of many peoples' lives, which is, i think, a lot of fun. And I didn't really notice the cussing, which probably just means I cuss too much, but hey. Also, I love british accents? they make me wish I'd been able to take a course on Great Britian Dialectology.
linked by stillesprite, for your picnicing needs
Caught dinner & drinks with stillesprite and Corwin last night after stopping by the chinatown metro to give Tego's brother tickets to the Mets-Nats game. He was really excited, it was cute XD I also returned my library book!,
We went to Chinatown Express and jkl;faeiajglkeageijal;kgea it was still so amazingly good. I kind of danced happily to myself the whole night about it, just ask stillesprite. Then we went to RFD and got some drinks. I decided mine was a red because it was made from the blood of (baby) seals. :Dv
speaking of food and drink, Wednesday after Japanese-practice, rocksizedheart and I went to..actually, i don't remember the name. It's that place down between dupont and farragut that's in a dingy white building with like, a tent for a roof. THEIR BURGERS ARE AMAZING. i cannot even begin to tell you. a little on the pricy side (except not, because it's DC), but so, so good, and freaking huge.
Between all the hockey i've been watching lately (STANLEY CUP FINALS PEOPLE (that's a link to an Onion article btw)), I also caught Caffeine, and it was just such an enjoyable movie, i rec it to everyone! Katherine Heigl is in it, but it is a good movie despite that possibly because she's not in it very much. i think she's pretty, but the movie's she's been in, as far as i can tell, kind of suck. THIS IS NOT THAT KIND OF MOVIE. :D go watch~
I had to get up early this morning for a church book thing out at a restaurant on Leesburg Pike & George Mason Dr. (Yorktown Bistro: The food was really good, and the service too, but we had a private room at the time, and it was pretty quiet otherwise, so idk about usually. we had their sunday brunch menu! totally tasty!) The author actually goes to our church, so it was really cool that she was giving her talk about the book, but 'at home' kind of. I think it'll be fun/interesting. I'm a little bit leery in that there's a lot of societal pressure on women to GET MARRIED HAVE BABIES and this book is about not doing that while trusting God, but there's also a strong pressure in the Church to find someone there instead of out in the world. That is to say, the Christians often take that societal pressure to GET MARRIED HAVE BABIES and do their hunting in church, because that way you're marrying another Christian. Which is good, I think, except when you're not particularly looking to get married or have babies XD. So, it doesn't look to the be that kind of study, and that's exciting.
Also, I may have made some new friends (or at least, met more people from church/actually learned their names). And seem to have volunteered myself to help set-up tomorrow morning. I do have to say though, i believe anything that happens early on a saturday morning is intrinsically evil, so i am having a hard time reconciling church events and saturday morning awake-time.
Quest for the Magic Forest (part two). I have to tell you, I love this fic. I have been waiting for them to be posted forever (which is more my fault than anyone else's), but it's finally up, so now you all must go read it.
In conclusions, I need to find the time to post more often, because lately all the posts are either v short, or, like this one, way, way, way too long.