said goodbye to my first friend at Georgetown today. 5 years later (a couple of which were spent living in the same place), we still like each other.
Tego: If they weren't made for each other, this would be really creepy!
Breakfast was this french toast fluffy bread pudding thing that
stillesprite made in the ricecooker
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Who was he, if not a mage? All his attitudes, his likes, his dislikes, they were all intertwined with the wind. If there was existence outside his powers, what was that existence? So Jin's fascination became fixation. His teammates noticed, they knew that something was bothering him, but they didn't bother to ask as long as he showed up for assignments. They figured he could sort it out on his own, and if he needed help, he would ask. Like he always had.
But this wasn't something Jin could ask KAT-TUN. They were together for the fundamental reason that they all had power. There was an implicit understanding that they were all in the same boat; he couldn't question the thing that bound them together. So he started searching for others that had power, asking them the things that he could never ask his friends. He sought for those with the same power, for those with different powers. He experimented to see what made his powers stronger, what made them weaker. And when he couldn't keep up with his work and his search, he chose the search. Because he had to know.
That's what his teammates had never grasped. It was never about the power, it was about understanding. It was about experience and feeling and finally knowing who he was, not who Mage Jin was, but who Jin was. He had to find the self separate from the wind, because otherwise he was nothing more than an empty, lifeless shell controlled by magic.
So he left. And now he spent time drawing deeper and deeper into the shadows and fringes of power and talent, filling in the shades of gray as he participated in all sorts of magic and non-magic. Then when one experience was over, he would go back to the restaurant, to Pi, to try and digest it all. But he was never sure that he truly understood.
Because he still wondered about the wind.
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He had to find the self separate from the wind, because otherwise he was nothing more than an empty, lifeless shell controlled by magic.
k;ljafl;kjaf;lkjaf;ljkaf;lkj i wish i knew how to explain what this makes me feel.
I kind of. feel for Pi in this. Like. it sounds like Jin is flirting with potentially dangerous things in this question understand, and to be the grounding for that, that's tough.
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I'm so glad you liked it! I spent forever on that line and I'm still not sure that it's right. I wish I could explain better what he's feeling in this. Probably because it's sometimes like what I feel with having mental disorders and looking at family with mental disorders. What's her and what's the disease? And how can you separate the two? And just. *sigh*
AKhgajfalskdjajfkj I'm so glad that came across! I wanted it to sound like kind of the magic version of maybe dabbling in drugs or just dancing a little too close to the edge of the cliff, but I wasn't sure it came across. I feel for Pi too. And I almost feel bad for him getting power now, but I don't know why, because that should make him understand better, but maybe he might be afraid of losing that place in Jin's life?
Anyway, at first I thought I was starting this fic after Jin had come back, but suddenly I find out when I get to the end that I was writing it in the middle of hiatus-y-thingy. Oh fics. Surprising me with where they go.
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but pi knows who he is without magic. he'd just have to figure out if he's the same with. it's different. he could probably still be the center.
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Yeah, Pi would be a different case. But I'm toying with the idea that maybe because he was able to have that experience of not having magic, then having it, Jin would certainly be fascinated with him, but maybe a little jealous too?
I haven't quite thought it all out. Clearly.
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idk.
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I'm sorry, that was me choking on irony Miss Pot.
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