annihilated
'I was young, I had deep loves,and my heart would overflow with
enthusiasm!
And I mingled with the crowd, I mixed with my fellow men, speaking
my thoughts out loud !
And they gaped back at me, without understanding.
And I withdrew from them, and they said to me: Arrogant one !
And from time to time in my solitude, my loves, my repressed enthusiasms
broke out into odes, conversation; and my companions laughed
and used to point me out as a madman.
So I suffered, doubted, cursed, and no one believed me sincere.
It's as if this heart, once so full of strength and love were annihilated.
~Isidore Ducasse.also known as the Comte de Lautreamont.
written when he was 20 years old. Dead a few years later.
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I am smoking too much and reading sad shit like the above
and Nietzsche's Birth of Tragedy,etc....prob not the best way to get through
the so called 5 stages of grief.
Sleeping instead of eating,etc. and returned to Milk of Magnesia abuse.(No roommates
is not always a good thing,you get away w/too much)
Body feels lighter. Heart still heavy.
Loss of Love...is just that. When should one exactly be 'over it'?
Family,friends,lovers,pets...different shape/form...there seems to be an acceptable
timetable of recovery from each....
I have become unacceptable.
Bah.need to throw up now. but eating first is an insurmountable task these daze.