Trying.
Lately I've been trying to embrace the body that I have.
To love the one body I've been given in my life.
But it's so fucking hard to do that,
when all of my fat is staring me back in the face.
I'm terrified that one of these days I'm just going to take a knife,
And start cutting away all the un-wanted - un-NEEDED - fat I have.
People say I don't see myself the way I really am.
But I know it's not true.
I KNOW I look 'skinny' to people.
But I look an AVERAGE skinny.
I don't want to be fucking average.
I want to be a stick,
petite,
tiny,
emaciated.
I know my stomach isn't that bad,
but it's not good enough in my eyes.
I know I have a SLIGHT gap between my thighs,
but it's not big enough.
And I know that because of this disorder,
none of it will ever be good enough.
But as I'm typing this,
that's fine with me.
Let me shrink into nothing.
Let the number on the scale get smaller.
Let me DIE happy.
Let me die, thin.
To love the one body I've been given in my life.
But it's so fucking hard to do that,
when all of my fat is staring me back in the face.
I'm terrified that one of these days I'm just going to take a knife,
And start cutting away all the un-wanted - un-NEEDED - fat I have.
People say I don't see myself the way I really am.
But I know it's not true.
I KNOW I look 'skinny' to people.
But I look an AVERAGE skinny.
I don't want to be fucking average.
I want to be a stick,
petite,
tiny,
emaciated.
I know my stomach isn't that bad,
but it's not good enough in my eyes.
I know I have a SLIGHT gap between my thighs,
but it's not big enough.
And I know that because of this disorder,
none of it will ever be good enough.
But as I'm typing this,
that's fine with me.
Let me shrink into nothing.
Let the number on the scale get smaller.
Let me DIE happy.
Let me die, thin.