It's been a while.
I know it's been a while since I've gotten on here, but I also have a journal that I write in and honestly, not much had been going on. Well, nothing too BAD was going on. Since I've last written in my journal or even on here I've gotten a boyfriend, lost that boyfriend, switched my high school from going to school to going to a different program where all my work is done on the computer. By this coming Monday I will be finished with my high school forever. It feels amazing...there's nothing like this freedom. And yet, it's one of the scariest moments of my life. I'm almost 18 years old which means I'll have to start driving (I'm terrified of driving so I held it off), I need to get a job (which I'm working on), and I need to strongly consider college. My choices are so limited for college because of the cost...
Also, my parents - my family - have never been this broke before in our lives (money wise). We barely have money for food (which is fine with me, but not for the rest of my family).
But on the 5th, I believe, of January of 2011, I relapsed. Don't worry. I wrote it down in my journal, and it was only twice. But now I'm up to purging 175 times total - ever. I can't believe it. It's so high! But not high enough.
I do feel bad about relapsing. I have to tell my therapist but, luckily, she won't tell my parents. But they'll find out eventually...and they always say "I'm so proud of you.', when they shouldn't. It makes me feel so guilty because I know I'm going to relapse - except in this case, I already have.
An eating disorder is an emotional and difficult thing to live with. For everyone around me and myself.
But, we all know I need it.
Also, my parents - my family - have never been this broke before in our lives (money wise). We barely have money for food (which is fine with me, but not for the rest of my family).
But on the 5th, I believe, of January of 2011, I relapsed. Don't worry. I wrote it down in my journal, and it was only twice. But now I'm up to purging 175 times total - ever. I can't believe it. It's so high! But not high enough.
I do feel bad about relapsing. I have to tell my therapist but, luckily, she won't tell my parents. But they'll find out eventually...and they always say "I'm so proud of you.', when they shouldn't. It makes me feel so guilty because I know I'm going to relapse - except in this case, I already have.
An eating disorder is an emotional and difficult thing to live with. For everyone around me and myself.
But, we all know I need it.