hungry, empty, lost in her pain, she cant tell you, so she slowely fades away.....
this weekend i decided that since everyone that usually gives me rides to church was away at youth explosion in ohio that i HAD to find SOME church to go to. so i called chris and marrianne, marrianne wasnt home, and i later found out shes been in alot of stress lately so i didnt ask her, but chris was home, so i asked her. first i just asked if she knew anyone that goes past my apartment on the way to church (she doesnt)and she said she didnt know off hand, but she could call me back, so we talked for awhile and she finally said that she was going to the EMMETT STREET MISSIONARY church and asked if i wanted to come since it isnt too far from where i live. i said SURE and went. the service was alright, there were some people guest singing there that sounded a lot like the GAITHERS and thats not really my style of music but their songs hit home and i needed that. anyway, after the service i was waiting to leave and meeting all of chris's realitives, and i looked in the back of the sanctuary and i saw someone that i thought i knew. i looked again and he points at me, and smiles and im like HEY!!!! it was DARREN!!!!!! (old youth pastor if you didnt know that already) and i havent seen him in AGES! he had his son with him and his son IS TALLER now! i almost didnt recognize him! and darren gave me a hug and we talked for awile. he said he use to be youth pastor at that church before he was at friends and has been going back to ESMC for like three months now! it was nice to see a familiar face though that made my day! on the down side....chris invited me to lunch at her moms house and since she knows about my ed behaviors i told her the truth, and she was VERY understanding about it (thank GOD) and said she will invite me another time *sigh of relief* i felt rude saying no, but i KNOW i just couldnt deal with the feeling of a full let alone HALF full tummy!
this morning i weighed in on my cheap-o scale at 130! i am super happy, but i know that what i ate today will make me retain water and that sucks, maybe tonight if i leave soon enough i can get dieretics from felpausch (money stealers!) i wonder if i can take them and my mini thins together. i figured that the weight i have gained was from water but i dont know how to get rid of it. i drank coffee, but that just makes you pee alot and the caffeine makes you retain. im afraid i may have to break off the relationship between me and my mini thins. yuck
i was suppose to go see Lori today but she apparently emailed me and i didnt get it in time, when i got there at 11:30 the receptionist said she was gone to court and wouldnt get back till 12, and had a meeting at 1. so i forgave her since she is the BESTEST CASEWORKER in the UNIVERSE and she HAS to do it ;) and she called me and left a message that she would try to get back with me cause i called her crying and asked if she would pray for me. she said i really sounded like i needed to talk, so she would make sure to call me as soon as possible, she is a busy bee though ;) which is good cause she kicks butt as a worker! i luff you lori! ;) so i walked to kcc where i am now.
i havent eaten much at all for the last 8 days. this morning was the most ive had in awhile- i had
~one big fat deli dill pickle
~one half a diet faygo creme soda
~one mini thin
~water
i am proud in a weird way yet VERY exhausted! i cant go anywhere anymore without huffing and puffing. i have little to NO energy at all! which is annoying but satisfying in an odd sense!
i had a LONG conversation over yahoo messager about mercy to a girl that is applying there, i am happy about what i said. GOOD LUCK TO YOU if you are reading, mercy is an awesome place. i definatly recommend it to any of you who are seeking recovery and cant afford other places (who can?) the link to their website is http://www.mercyministries.com if you were wondering, they are a residential girls facility that treats eating disorders, teen pregnancy, abuse issues, self injury, suicidal ideation and past suicide attempts, drug issues, and lots more! check it out! what can it hurt?
well i have bored you enough, ill write more later! luvvins!
~JEN~
this morning i weighed in on my cheap-o scale at 130! i am super happy, but i know that what i ate today will make me retain water and that sucks, maybe tonight if i leave soon enough i can get dieretics from felpausch (money stealers!) i wonder if i can take them and my mini thins together. i figured that the weight i have gained was from water but i dont know how to get rid of it. i drank coffee, but that just makes you pee alot and the caffeine makes you retain. im afraid i may have to break off the relationship between me and my mini thins. yuck
i was suppose to go see Lori today but she apparently emailed me and i didnt get it in time, when i got there at 11:30 the receptionist said she was gone to court and wouldnt get back till 12, and had a meeting at 1. so i forgave her since she is the BESTEST CASEWORKER in the UNIVERSE and she HAS to do it ;) and she called me and left a message that she would try to get back with me cause i called her crying and asked if she would pray for me. she said i really sounded like i needed to talk, so she would make sure to call me as soon as possible, she is a busy bee though ;) which is good cause she kicks butt as a worker! i luff you lori! ;) so i walked to kcc where i am now.
i havent eaten much at all for the last 8 days. this morning was the most ive had in awhile- i had
~one big fat deli dill pickle
~one half a diet faygo creme soda
~one mini thin
~water
i am proud in a weird way yet VERY exhausted! i cant go anywhere anymore without huffing and puffing. i have little to NO energy at all! which is annoying but satisfying in an odd sense!
i had a LONG conversation over yahoo messager about mercy to a girl that is applying there, i am happy about what i said. GOOD LUCK TO YOU if you are reading, mercy is an awesome place. i definatly recommend it to any of you who are seeking recovery and cant afford other places (who can?) the link to their website is http://www.mercyministries.com if you were wondering, they are a residential girls facility that treats eating disorders, teen pregnancy, abuse issues, self injury, suicidal ideation and past suicide attempts, drug issues, and lots more! check it out! what can it hurt?
well i have bored you enough, ill write more later! luvvins!
~JEN~