where it is
Recently a friend of mine on LJ was talking about intimacy, and it brought my own life into sharp relief.
I feel like I'm passing my wife and daughter in the hallway every so often. That seems to be the extent of interaction we have. It's not enough for me any more; I am increasingly dissatisfied and unhappy. The intimacy is what I'm missing, even more so than the sex, which I miss terribly.
It's hard to have any sort of meaningful intimacy when everyone that you want to have that connection with has a different schedule than you. I used to work from 5pm to 2am -- that was marginally ok because I got some alone time which I need, but I also got an hour or two with my daughter before I had to go to work. I'd come home for lunch and she'd usually still be awake -- though it was killing her; she really needed to get more sleep.
There was a short reprieve when I was working 11a to 8p, and that was better -- I got to sleep in like I like to do, then I'd have family time in the evening, put Ariann to bed, have time to talk or whatever after that.
After about two weeks of that -- just enough to get used to it, to relax and breathe that long sigh of relief -- I'm back on 4.15p to 1.15a. "Business needs," they told me. This is even worse, as I get to pick Ariann up from school and take her home and leave for work. That's hardly any time with her at all. We've recently discovered that Ariann functions much better if she goes to bed earlier, so for her sake we're doing that, even though it takes away from the time I have with her. I understand the need for this; I'm an adult; I can handle it. She misses me terribly, but I try to make the most of the time I do have with her, and she's okay with that.
It's all temporary, I know. But I miss intimate adult conversation; something that does not have to do with someone's computer or their whining about how they were able to connect yesterday but they can't today and I don't want to change any settings because it WORKED yesterday.
I've tried to step away from bitching/whining/complaining in here. I don't want to focus or dwell on these issues. But this one is big and it's affecting me terribly right now.
I feel like I'm passing my wife and daughter in the hallway every so often. That seems to be the extent of interaction we have. It's not enough for me any more; I am increasingly dissatisfied and unhappy. The intimacy is what I'm missing, even more so than the sex, which I miss terribly.
It's hard to have any sort of meaningful intimacy when everyone that you want to have that connection with has a different schedule than you. I used to work from 5pm to 2am -- that was marginally ok because I got some alone time which I need, but I also got an hour or two with my daughter before I had to go to work. I'd come home for lunch and she'd usually still be awake -- though it was killing her; she really needed to get more sleep.
There was a short reprieve when I was working 11a to 8p, and that was better -- I got to sleep in like I like to do, then I'd have family time in the evening, put Ariann to bed, have time to talk or whatever after that.
After about two weeks of that -- just enough to get used to it, to relax and breathe that long sigh of relief -- I'm back on 4.15p to 1.15a. "Business needs," they told me. This is even worse, as I get to pick Ariann up from school and take her home and leave for work. That's hardly any time with her at all. We've recently discovered that Ariann functions much better if she goes to bed earlier, so for her sake we're doing that, even though it takes away from the time I have with her. I understand the need for this; I'm an adult; I can handle it. She misses me terribly, but I try to make the most of the time I do have with her, and she's okay with that.
It's all temporary, I know. But I miss intimate adult conversation; something that does not have to do with someone's computer or their whining about how they were able to connect yesterday but they can't today and I don't want to change any settings because it WORKED yesterday.
I've tried to step away from bitching/whining/complaining in here. I don't want to focus or dwell on these issues. But this one is big and it's affecting me terribly right now.