new toy!

Jul 23, 2003 15:01

got a new cd-r/rw burner from best buy today. 52x, so mildly faster than the one that died on me earlier this year. it'll end up being just over 18 bucks after the rebates, so in about 8 weeks, monies should be coming back to me. yay for 45 dollar rebates! w00t!

i'd much rather leave early and go install my drive and geek out for a few hours, but work probably won't look kindly upon that. unless someone cool sent me on some errand for them. eh. i guess i'm not here that much longer, but i just want to go home and take care of it. yay for nerdyness. on that subject, my 'talk nerdy to me' (and a few other) bumper sticker arrived yesterday. i was quite the happy little monkey when i got my envelope from unamerican.com

picked up liam from work, we went and got a video card for a friend of ours and then got beer before going to rory's house for movie night. so we pretty much hung out there from 6 o'clock on. it was a great episode, a great night, and i fell asleep (note: fell asleep, not passed out) on rory's couch watching some documentary that was on a local public tv station. rory woke me up and asked if i was ok. i was, but i was unbearably sleepy. decided that mc donald's fries would help keep me up on the drive home, so i made a stop about halfway there. they were tasty.

i totally could have slept the night on the couch (soooo tired) but didn't want to push any boundaries with rory. when i was talking with one of my coworkers (who's 2/3 years younger) she said that i need to talk to rory about things again. but not at the bar, at his apartment. i told her she was right, and that i'd been thinking about how to arrange such an occurance. i really wish i understood what was going on and how things could turn out with him. i suprise myself sometimes with noticing how much i care about him.

i want and to some extent need to know this stuff (how he feels, what now, etc.) but i like him so much that i'm afraid to ask because i'm terrified i'll do something to drive him away, and i won't be able to forgive myself if i screw this up. argh. "was ever a girl placed in so delicate a position?" (heh, gotta love pirates of penzance)

as an aside, i'm glad we all want to continue spending tuesday nights together after we get though the series we're watching now. war movies galore! bring them on! i like having something constant and stable in my life, as those things are few and far between as of late. well, as of the last 9 months. sheesh.

i think i'm getting to a point where i am comfortable being a friend to rory, and the friendship has improved (rebounded, i guess) to the point where we look each other in the eye and talk and that kind of thing. i just miss how it was. talking online all the time and being playful or suggestive or whatever happened. i hadn't felt that good in a very long time, and experiencing what feels like losing that is not too fun. and i would very much like to grow back into the comfortable/casual 'whatever' it was that we had. i'm feeling better that we're able to be friends though - i was worried sick. literally. to use his words "i want you around long term" and i wish i had the wherewithall to make a short statement of how i feel and my assessment of things. like under 5 minutes, and see what happens.

argh. i wish i knew how to get him comfortable with the idea of talking to me alone. maybe we can get lunch or watch a movie or something. on one hand, i think i'll get more out of him if we're drinking (truth serum, what?) but on the other hand, i want to know that he's going to remember what we say. i'm thinking about it way too much, as usual, but at least i'm not getting all sick to my stomach and mopey and that kind of thing. i'm somewhat a peace with it, even if things are rather unclear right now.

not sure what else i feel like writing. i guess i'll clean off my desk for a change of pace.
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