God Im feeling mellow
Heyy journal. Im feeling even mellower than last night now. Even Melancholy. *SIGH*
Things are getting to me. They have cut my hours at work, I just told my friend Sharifa about going to Japan and she cried. I just told Angela about how I took speed back in the days. Things seem absolutely confused, I don't know what effect that had, but hey, I need to tell her the truth, and that's about it. If she hates me now well I'm going to have to accept that. I think about this alot and Im not proud of the fact i did it, but i think its something people should be forgiven for, not be eternally damned to hell for. Which is how I felt for a very long time. Luckily now I feel a lot better about myself but that has come after a long time of feeling like shite.
I still don't feel comfortable writing/ talking about it. but i think I need to get something out. To all my friends, I just wanted to say I'm sorry if I was too crazy. But that is what happened. Things have changed for the better now. But there is still a lot about life that Im unhappy about. But hey maybe I should be thankful too.
I think we all do stupid things sometimes. But how are we to know unless we have our friends? Thats why I get angry at my friends sometimes...... I have my definition of what a friend should be. and alot of them werent around when I needed them.
anyway. I'm just trying to make some sense. I wish I wasn't so emo. I hate it when I come up with all this emo crap but it makes me feel so sentimental.
Change of topic.... My first priority is to save $1200 before Nov.
Thats 2 months = 8 weeks... $150 per week. Thats about how much I spend on pokies anyway. But my hours have also been cut back and Ill have bills... So yeah I have already been to a job interview today and another one tomorrow in the city. Freak-out.
Im going to start FT work ASAP, I know I wont be there for long but I NEED TO....Im going to do the sly and get a FT job and say Ill stay for a while then right before I leave for Japan Ill say something like " Family Emergency" and hand in my resignation.
I havent been to church in about a month, since working at La Bocca. What a mistake working there. I didn't learn very much. and it paid shite.
God, I feel funny calling myself a Christian. Almost like I feel foreign to religion. As I have been an atheist all my life. But something also beckons me towards a religion I just don't know if church is right for me. I sometimes don't feel like a "Good" person, although I try my hardest to be one I just would rather essentially keep my wits about me at all times and not simply just trust. I have lost that.
Boy the caffeine is hitting me hard...
well, tonight was nice, at least I didnt spend any money, except for petrol.. drove Ang and a couple of her friends Chris and DAvid to a Square Dance. Square Dancing is amazing. It has its own genre of music, it takes 4 couples to form a square, you need to be trained in various dance moves, such as promenade, Do Sa Do... and so many people are into it! Angela is so passionate about square dancing too... she can even " Call" which is like singing the song and calling all the dance steps.
Its getting late...... and I have my job interview in the morning.
Things are getting to me. They have cut my hours at work, I just told my friend Sharifa about going to Japan and she cried. I just told Angela about how I took speed back in the days. Things seem absolutely confused, I don't know what effect that had, but hey, I need to tell her the truth, and that's about it. If she hates me now well I'm going to have to accept that. I think about this alot and Im not proud of the fact i did it, but i think its something people should be forgiven for, not be eternally damned to hell for. Which is how I felt for a very long time. Luckily now I feel a lot better about myself but that has come after a long time of feeling like shite.
I still don't feel comfortable writing/ talking about it. but i think I need to get something out. To all my friends, I just wanted to say I'm sorry if I was too crazy. But that is what happened. Things have changed for the better now. But there is still a lot about life that Im unhappy about. But hey maybe I should be thankful too.
I think we all do stupid things sometimes. But how are we to know unless we have our friends? Thats why I get angry at my friends sometimes...... I have my definition of what a friend should be. and alot of them werent around when I needed them.
anyway. I'm just trying to make some sense. I wish I wasn't so emo. I hate it when I come up with all this emo crap but it makes me feel so sentimental.
Change of topic.... My first priority is to save $1200 before Nov.
Thats 2 months = 8 weeks... $150 per week. Thats about how much I spend on pokies anyway. But my hours have also been cut back and Ill have bills... So yeah I have already been to a job interview today and another one tomorrow in the city. Freak-out.
Im going to start FT work ASAP, I know I wont be there for long but I NEED TO....Im going to do the sly and get a FT job and say Ill stay for a while then right before I leave for Japan Ill say something like " Family Emergency" and hand in my resignation.
I havent been to church in about a month, since working at La Bocca. What a mistake working there. I didn't learn very much. and it paid shite.
God, I feel funny calling myself a Christian. Almost like I feel foreign to religion. As I have been an atheist all my life. But something also beckons me towards a religion I just don't know if church is right for me. I sometimes don't feel like a "Good" person, although I try my hardest to be one I just would rather essentially keep my wits about me at all times and not simply just trust. I have lost that.
Boy the caffeine is hitting me hard...
well, tonight was nice, at least I didnt spend any money, except for petrol.. drove Ang and a couple of her friends Chris and DAvid to a Square Dance. Square Dancing is amazing. It has its own genre of music, it takes 4 couples to form a square, you need to be trained in various dance moves, such as promenade, Do Sa Do... and so many people are into it! Angela is so passionate about square dancing too... she can even " Call" which is like singing the song and calling all the dance steps.
Its getting late...... and I have my job interview in the morning.