I feel so fucked, at least I’m feeling
Fuck this, I was just trying to commiserate with you about the challenges of our respective positions, which you fucking brought up. Complaining about our mutual boss. And you just turn it back around on me to fucking berate me and belittle me. In your typical boomer fashion disregarding my feelings, my problems because of my age, my limited employment and life experience.
Yes, to you, I lead this fanciful life and, yes, admittedly I have so much privilege. But more and more, my mental illness is making my day to day life so unbearable.
What’s it like to live your life as someone else?
Most of the time it isn’t really what it seems
And it feels better just to stay inside a shell
‘Cause in the end I still have most of what I need.
A harsh world for a gentle soul
A tight mask makes a dented skull
I’m keeping secrets that I can’t let go
I’ve come to terms knowing I’ll never grow. - Movements
Right now I’m barely functioning. Still recovering from a marathon of a weekend back at work, 3 straight days of 8-9 hour shifts, the last 2 getting to me in how absolutely challenging and exhausting they were. So much talking, so much anxiety.
This is way too early to be back working this much, it’s fucking March, and they want to open the golf course? Fuck my life, we barely have staff for it. And I’ll never turn down shifts. Though thinking about it, I think the menu tastings must be coming up in the next couple weeks or so, I feel pretty confident in the fact that I will absolutely turn down those shifts. They are way not worth it, financially and in how physically drained I am after them. Especially if the golf course is open and busy.
I’m still not 100% through processing my feelings on them hiring B as, I guess, my boss, though with how little experience he has in this business I will likely be training him and doing a shit ton to get him started as he moves back in April. That’s a big ‘to be continued’ as things unfold. I like B, and we’ve known each other since we were kids, and he’s been nice to me as adults when he’s been a customer over the years. I just can’t imagine him as my boss, considering I mostly know him from his slightly douchey youth. Hopefully he is open to collaboration with us, since we’re obviously more experienced. I don’t want this dude coming in and telling us how it’s going to be and changing things, that he doesn’t even know about.
Ugh, the nepotism is alive and well at this place hahaha. Not funny. But it’s all I can say right now.
I have this stupid eye thing happening. It started this weekend, I felt a bump on my upper eyelid, and it hurt, so I googled it and made my mom look at it. It seemed like a stye, but probably more likely a chalazion, a blocked oil gland. So I’ve just been applying a warm towel and tea bag a few times a day to help. It’s mostly just annoying at this point, not so painful anymore. But I’m a big baby whenever health things happen to me, I’m really hoping I don’t have to see a doctor about this. I’ve read that it typically goes a way in a few weeks at most, and rarely needs medical treatment. So fingers crossed.
Fuck, just got the notification of a schedule update, by next week I’ll be working full time, fucking 6 days a week.
Mental breakdown, let’s gooooooo. Said in that classic twitch streamer tone.
Yes, to you, I lead this fanciful life and, yes, admittedly I have so much privilege. But more and more, my mental illness is making my day to day life so unbearable.
What’s it like to live your life as someone else?
Most of the time it isn’t really what it seems
And it feels better just to stay inside a shell
‘Cause in the end I still have most of what I need.
A harsh world for a gentle soul
A tight mask makes a dented skull
I’m keeping secrets that I can’t let go
I’ve come to terms knowing I’ll never grow. - Movements
Right now I’m barely functioning. Still recovering from a marathon of a weekend back at work, 3 straight days of 8-9 hour shifts, the last 2 getting to me in how absolutely challenging and exhausting they were. So much talking, so much anxiety.
This is way too early to be back working this much, it’s fucking March, and they want to open the golf course? Fuck my life, we barely have staff for it. And I’ll never turn down shifts. Though thinking about it, I think the menu tastings must be coming up in the next couple weeks or so, I feel pretty confident in the fact that I will absolutely turn down those shifts. They are way not worth it, financially and in how physically drained I am after them. Especially if the golf course is open and busy.
I’m still not 100% through processing my feelings on them hiring B as, I guess, my boss, though with how little experience he has in this business I will likely be training him and doing a shit ton to get him started as he moves back in April. That’s a big ‘to be continued’ as things unfold. I like B, and we’ve known each other since we were kids, and he’s been nice to me as adults when he’s been a customer over the years. I just can’t imagine him as my boss, considering I mostly know him from his slightly douchey youth. Hopefully he is open to collaboration with us, since we’re obviously more experienced. I don’t want this dude coming in and telling us how it’s going to be and changing things, that he doesn’t even know about.
Ugh, the nepotism is alive and well at this place hahaha. Not funny. But it’s all I can say right now.
I have this stupid eye thing happening. It started this weekend, I felt a bump on my upper eyelid, and it hurt, so I googled it and made my mom look at it. It seemed like a stye, but probably more likely a chalazion, a blocked oil gland. So I’ve just been applying a warm towel and tea bag a few times a day to help. It’s mostly just annoying at this point, not so painful anymore. But I’m a big baby whenever health things happen to me, I’m really hoping I don’t have to see a doctor about this. I’ve read that it typically goes a way in a few weeks at most, and rarely needs medical treatment. So fingers crossed.
Fuck, just got the notification of a schedule update, by next week I’ll be working full time, fucking 6 days a week.
Mental breakdown, let’s gooooooo. Said in that classic twitch streamer tone.