A rant type thing
I discovered yesterday that my extended family has a homophobia thing. An issue, or whatever. During dinner (we've been having Thanksgiving over there on Friday for the last few years when we can, it's quite nice), the issue of places to just generally shop inevitably arose between, I think, my eldest cousin and her sister-in-law. They're both
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I know my parent's political views, at least on this topic, are very conservative, but I hadn't expected my entire family, including the more liberal relatives, to feel the same way. It was quite shocking, upsetting, and hurt me. I didn't say anything. I wish I would have, but I was too shocked to say anything, and wouldn't have known what to say. All I could think of was wondering if I was really related to them. I'm by far the most liberal of them, and am usually very outspoken on my political views when the subject comes up, so it was weird not to say anything...but I didn't know what to say.
But that basically confirmed the same thing for me that it did for you. I can't trust my family to accept my bi/lesbian/gay friends. My mother has met two of my friends, and I know she likes one of them, but at the time I don't think my mom knew that one was bi. It's hard to know what my mother thinks, other than going off what I know her political views are. Unfortunately, I will have to deal with her at some point. I definitely haven't gotten to the point of coming out to my family - that's a long way in the future, I hope. Not looking forward to it - they aren't going to take it very well. But do want to tell them at some point...I don't want to hide who I am from them. Yeah, you don't have a choice in your family, but I'm hoping that they'll come around. I have issues with my parents, and family in general, but I am still holding out hope that they love me enough to accept me. We all have a choice if we want to communicate with each other, even if we are family. Obviously most people want to be able to communicate openly and freely with their family, but in some ways I'd rather be free to be me, even if some of my relatives don't accept me, than have to hide myself for the rest of my life. (And yeah, this is me coming out online to you and whoever reads this.)
PS - What's petrology?
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Really? I never would have guessed...
While I think my family is largely supportive of me, I've never brought a guy home to test the theory. I know my mom would be okay but the rest of them? It's scary to think about. And then there's the people who don't know I'm gay, period (who are largely Mormon). There will come a point when I'll start dating and I sense turbulence in the future.
I wish you the best of luck when you come out to your family. It's very scary being out there in a world that seems openly hostile towards you but I've learned that it's far more important to accept and love yourself than it is to live a gigantic lie. Too bad it took me seven years to figure that out (and I'm still terrified half of the time).
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:p
Thanks. It certainly took me long enough to admit it to myself and then accept myself. Don't want to keep hiding or holding myself back. It is scary though. I'm trying to figure out how to tell my best friend/roommate next semester. "Hi, I've known you for two and a half years, and we're pretty much inseperable, but I've been to scared to tell you, because I know you're kind of conservative." That'll be fun...
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That's what I did with Ben so many years ago... I brought up the topic of gays and watched his reaction. Mind you, it's possible to do it with more subtlety than I bothered with. He guessed what I was doing right away. ;)
Of course, you couyld go right out and tell him/her that you're gay... but at least with the above approach, you'll have some warning.
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I think we've hijacked Anakam's post...
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I'm pretty sure there's some kind of poetic justice to that... ;)
IOW, it's fine/good/etc. Especially since it was still more or less related, although I really don't anticipate telling anyone from my family anytime soon.
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Well, my cousin's comment kind of saved me the need to go fishing, don't you think? :(
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I mean, the boycott is fine. People boycott things all the time. But the level of yuck reflected by her need to say something right then bothers me, no matter how much I love her.
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Anyway, not to compete or anything, but the desire to avoid the subject that S expressed was just to complete that it's really stuck with me, and probably will continue to. Like dirty laundry and holding your nose, or something.
I suppose it's probably just as well that I haven't had the time (well, sort of), to join up with the university's GLBT community, or I probably would have wound up hitting S with something, and that'd just be bad.
(And yeah, this is me coming out online to you and whoever reads this.)
You okay with this being a public entry?
About bisexuality--I think that just about everyone is, a little bit. The best descriptions of sexuality I've run across are the 'spectrum' ones, where there's a spectrum of sexuality, just like intelligence or height or vision or any other characteristic. Very few people are purely heterosexual or purely homosexual, although there are probably a lot of people who THINK they're purely heterosexual, because they've been raised to consider nothing else.
Anyway, fair warning: if we ever meet, please don't wear a tank top or sleeveless shirt, or I might jump you. ;) Upper arms... ok, let's not go there right now. :) I mean, unless you *want* me to jump you, although now my brain is reminding me that unless I can resolve this inside my head I'm gonna be celibate my entire life, because there's this inescapable belief that I'm going to go to hell if I a) have sex with another woman or b) have sex with more than one person, like, ever. Curiously, I firmly believe in monogamy and that the concept of having kids is kinda neat. Urrgh. *headdesk*
Petrology? Petrology is the study of the formation of rocks, primary igneous and metamorphic; analysis of the origin of the rock, conditions of formation, mineral content, trace minerals, and whatever else can possibly be considered about the rock.
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While I can only picture myself having sex with a man, there are women that I find beautiful.
Very few people are purely heterosexual or purely homosexual, although there are probably a lot of people who THINK they're purely heterosexual, because they've been raised to consider nothing else.
Yup. Denial truly is a wonderful thing...
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Yeah, I recall you saying something about that when I finally got pics of myself scanned. ;)
Yup. Denial truly is a wonderful thing...
Uh-uh. I don't mind the denial so much as the denial of it being, you know, part of the range of human characteristics. It's fine for my cousins to all believe they're heterosexual (and they really are some of the most hetero people I know), but to believe that anything different is horrific? Not so much.
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I know I"ve posted pics and vlogs in my journal, so you've almost probably seen them. So...if you don't mind me asking, should I be taking what you said as a compliment? *curious*
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So...if you don't mind me asking, should I be taking what you said as a compliment?
Sort of? The upper arms causing an urge on my part to jump the woman to whom the arms belong is rather unpredictable, and mostly tends to cause me trying very hard to focus on something else if it's someone present in person; could be otherwise if I know the woman won't automatically push me away shrieking in horror. ;)
I think I'm getting too tired and/or too semi-horny for this discussion, because I've been thinking about arms now for about an hour and that's just not cool when I have a full day tomorrow. I'll be back, though. :)
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The GLBT community at my school is very, um, cliquey. Like, if you aren't OUT, and visibly so, then you aren't cool enough. I stick with my friends who aren't involved in it, and from outside of school. They're older and more mature in general, so that's fine with me.
Yeah, it's fine it's public. I looked before I posted to see what you had it set as. Wouldn't have posted all that if I wasn't fine with it. But thanks for asking. :)
That's been my conclusion too, both from what I've read and observed. (There's also lots of homosexuality in the animal kingdom. I did a project on it freshman year. Really interesting stuff.)
Lol, warning duly noted. Should I start rating pics and vlogs that I post? ;)
But being serious, it has taken me the majority of my life to admit that, omg, I liked girls, and then a little longer to accept myself and that I'm not wrong. It sounds like we were brought up with similar beliefs - that liking teh same sex is sinful and morally wrong. If I do go to hell, well, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. But I can't keep denying who I am my entire life. I prefer to think that God likes, loves, and accepts everyone, regardless of who they are attracted. It seems hypocritical that he'd say to love everyone, yet decide that I'm not good enough becuase I'm attracted to other women. But even though I've always thought God loves everyone equally, it still took me a long while to get past the "it's wrong!" stage, mostly becuase I was around my family/mother. Resolving things got significantly easier once I was out of that atmosphere. And, you do know that you can still have kids, no matter who you're with? :)
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