Come back when you can
Chapter Eleven of Eleven (yes... this is it!)
Pairing and characters: Xabi Alonso/Steven Gerrard; Daniel Agger, Martin Skrtel, Esteban Granero, Juan Mata, Harry Kewell. Other characters mentioned (like Jüergen Klopp... and some others).
Type: is an AU based in real events of someone's life... adapted for this fandom.
Rating: R... in general... still...
Disclaimer: This is just for fun ok? There's not others intentions.
Doing the beta thing ... an_only_tree
~.~
8 years earlier
Xabi is hiding from the bone-chilling reality of another January day inside his room. The wind blow through frosted trees in front of his window which sway against the grey backdrop of the sky. The scenery probably makes the air seem colder than it really is.
His room is a little oasis of warmth and sunny beach days that seem to stretch out forever. He’s under the covers on his bed and also under a pile of books, photos and note cards. He’s taking a break from assignments, admiring the view outside the window, feeling grateful to be under a roof with heaters that do their job. He’s not really sure that’s the main source of warmth but as long as him and Steven are kept nice and toasty… Steven and his incessant mumbling about... Xabi doesn’t have a fucking clue what his mumbling translates to.
Xabi turns on his side to get a better view of Steven’s profile, detailing the wrinkles on his forehead, his lips that move ever so softly when he reads, the intense focus on his old man face. Xabi gets up from the bed as quietly as possible, takes his camera and, almost tiptoeing, returns to his studying nest. His precautions are unnecessary. Steven is so riveted by his book that he ignores Xabi’s very existence in the universe.
Xabi raises his camera, adjusts the focus… click… click.
Steven stops mumbling at last. He starts to smile even though his eyes are firmly still trained on the book.
-“Are you bored?”
-“Couldn’t miss that shot.”
-“Really?”
-“You look so… intellectual. Like you’re pondering the meaning of existence, of why are we here, what we are… Brains are sexy, you know…”
-“Shut it! It’s Heat Transfer,”- Steven says, voice tinged with misery -“I got a test next Friday. The Professor dumps 100 problems on us and every single one of them is giving me a fucking headache.”
Xabi lays down his camera on the bed, he moves towards his desk (more like Steven’s desk these days) and flips shut the book that’s deepening the lines on Steven’s forehead. Xabi can already see a couple of new ones beginning to form.
Steven has every intention to put up a good fight. It’s just that as he’s about to start cursing, Xabi is already straddling him on the chair, his weight on Steven’s lap, his arms around his neck, licking his lips with the tip of his pink tongue.
-“Forget about the theory. I think it’s time to for some practical experiments with heat transfer, no?”
Steven lets out a little giddy laughter on Xabi’s lips.
-“Let’s see what it takes to get you all hot…” - Xabi has his hands under Steven’s t-shirt. He can feel the trail of goosebumps left on his boyfriend’s skin by his fingertips. Steven’s hands are on his hips, still chuckling, his mouth slowly making its way to Xabi’s ear.
-“Mmmm, I can tell that we’re going to ace that test. Better than Fluid Mechanics.”
-“You were great at Fluid Mechanics.”
-“You weren’t bad either.”
-“Oh so modest, Alonso…”
-“No, I’m just being realistic… and fair”- Xabi pulls back a little to look at Steven’s face. There’s still a hint of strain in all that beautiful blue of his eyes - “You worry too much. You’ll be great, you always are.”
Steven gives him a small, shy smile because it’s true. He does worry too much. But he can’t stop worrying until he knows he can solve every single problem on the test, let alone pass it.
If there’s one person in the world that can get his mind off engineering problems, it’s Xabi. Steven can’t even imagine that he could get through any of it without him. He’s become as much of a part of Steven’s motivation to work hard as he is a distraction because failure would feel like he’s failing Xabi too.
-“Well, are you going to show me your practical methods of heat conduction from a sphere to a stagnant fluid?”
-“I absolutely got that, I’m the sphere.”
-“So that makes me the stagnant fluid?”
-“I don’t know… Whichever makes me the one who’ll be fucking you?”
Steven’s laughter echoes through the drum of the rain on the window. Xabi tries to keep his best game face on, in the name of science, but fails miserably.
-“Uh, so that’s what this sudden interest in applied physics is all about, wanting to fuck me?”
-“I’m only trying to expand our knowledge of heat conduction… for the greater good.”
-“Just admit you want my ass.”
-“I want your hot ass!”
-“That’s more like it…”
It’s dark now, close to midnight. Xabi sleeps content in his bed, his face half shaded from the lamp on his desk. Steven is scribbling formulas and drawings in his notebook. From time to time his eyes drift to the sleeping man by his side, taking in the elegant lines of his body. He smiles and goes back to his notes.
When Xabi wakes up at dawn, he sees Steven sleeping on the desk, his face buried in the book. He sighs, gets up and wakes up his boyfriend just enough to drag him to bed.
They fall asleep instants later, legs intertwined.
When the Heat Transfer exam results are in, Steven’s name is at the top of the list.
~.~
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses
~.~
Even though February days in London are often frigid, this sunny afternoon is a welcome exception. The days are visibly longer, the light is visibly bolder and falls at perfect angles as far as Xabi’s concerned. He sometimes forgets that the city has so much to offer in the most commonplace spots infested with tourists, but he’s determined to put it right. The masses in St. James’ Park float past his elegant form swathed in a dark grey coat as his gloved hands fix the tripod. There are kids running around, dogs barking and the inevitable tourists mishandling their expensive cameras. Xabi ignores them for once, taking in every detail of the huge canvas inviting him to find the story to immortalize. There are so many colours on offer he’ll make sure the light will be imprinted on his pictures as someone would say.
If only Xabi could be sure that this someone will ever get to see them.
He takes a deep breath to give his brain at least an opportunity to stop overthinking everything for once.
Xabi points the camera towards the stairs leading to the park gazebo that’s framed by the fountain and a massive tree bending its leafless branches with the chilly wind. Xabi smiles knowing he’s found the perfect vantage point. He takes off the chamois gloves to focus the lens properly.
Click…click
Someone’s blocking his view two shots later.
-“Guess you’ve got the perfect light for it.”
Xabi inhales the cold air deeply before he straightens up in slow motion to face Steven. The camera is the only thing separating their bodies. Xabi recognizes the look in Steven’s eyes, it’s only one of many that send his blood on a mad gallop through his veins. It’s Steven’s turn to breathe in deep, leaning against the rail by the pond while Xabi moves the tripod away to make room and waits silently with his hands shoved in his pockets. He tries to ignore the way the sunlight lands on Steven’s face and hair, playing with the keys in his pocket to keep his hands from grabbing the camera for a quick shot while he still has the chance.
-“When I was thirteen I used to collect Popular Mechanics with this mate from school. We split the cost of the subscription and we’d spend hours trying to come up with our own experiments and ways to blow shit up in the most scientific way we could think of. One day I found this article about an oil engineer who invented a new oil drill. The way he talked about his job, about thrill of hitting a new well. It was just the coolest thing ever… It felt like getting to be that guy was all I wanted to do.
I started going to the library, collecting every article I could get my hands on about oil extraction, I used to daydream about all those exotic places on the map where I’d fly to... It was all that I wanted to do with myself and I focused all my effort on it. Well, you know how that went...
Then you just sort of… came along right in the middle of it, with your images of the world… your ideals, and I had no plans for you. I had no idea where we would fit in with any of it. It didn’t seem fair to ask you to put your own dreams aside. And I felt miserable because I couldn’t make it work. I tried but it was stronger than me…”- Steven takes another deep breath before he can find some order in his thoughts.
-“I could do it the first time… push you aside and walk away. I was convinced that’s what was best for both of us at the time, that it was what was supposed to happen all along. I don’t regret what I’ve achieved, but… I can’t- I can’t leave this time. I’ve already made my dreams come true, there’s no plan for what comes next. Only you. You’re the plan. And I want to work every bit as hard on life with you as I’ve worked on my career. I can’t say no to it, not this time… I don’t want to.”
Xabi’s been staring at him the whole time. It feels like he hasn’t even blinked or given any visible sign that he’s processing what’s happening. The truth is he’s not, not really. He’s caught up in wondering if falling in love with Steven as a grownass man, without any of the excuses the stupidity of youth affords is the healthy or smart thing to do. He’s not afraid to feel this way though because he’s never been surer of anything Steven’s ever said, except maybe for the choice words he has for Everton during derbies. He sees how careful and deliberate Steven is being, weighing every word just to make sure how much this means to him.
-“I was sure, so sure about what it’d mean to see you again. I was worried that you’d moved on or well… that you weren’t in the same place as I… you had every right to. But you were… you’re… Oh, fuck it. I really want to say fuck you but there you go. This is supposed to be my heartfelt confession and “fuck you” seems to be out of place right now, doesn’t it?”
The grin on Xabi’s face makes Steven instantly smile as well. And that’s it.
-“Well, I’m going to say it anyway: fuck you, you left your keys home.”
-“That’s true. By the way… can I ask you a favour? I need to take my things from the company flat and bring it to your place. I have to move out today.”
-“Oh.”
-“Yeah. I’m officially a homeless bum now. Well, an unemployed homeless bum to be exact. If that doesn’t get you hot and bothered...”
-“What… what happened?”
-“I quit.”
-“But… how… was that necessary?”- Steven can’t help but laugh at the dumbfounded look on Xabi’s face.
He steps closer towards Xabi and his fingers wrap themselves around his cold hand. He couldn’t look any more like a fool in love if he tried.
-“I don’t need it; I can find another job no problem. Besides, I can always think of alternative ways to pay you for accommodation.”
Xabi can read between the lines just fine. He doesn’t need to hear anything else, having still not recovered properly from Steven’s previous rambling. This is enough and then some. This is Steven after all.
-“OK, let’s go get your things then.”
-“Not yet, I want you to take your shot. Show me?”
Click… click…
So I crawl back in to your open arms…
Yes I crawl back in to your open arms…
And I crawl back in to your open arms…
Yes I crawl back in to your open arms…
~.~
What can I say???
Thank you for give this a chance and for your thoughts. This is for you after all, you and you ;)
And again, my beta is the reason of why this exists. Thanks to an_only_tree for make the all thing just wonderful.
Oh and this is the last song... wasn't hard to guess it...right??
Pairing and characters: Xabi Alonso/Steven Gerrard; Daniel Agger, Martin Skrtel, Esteban Granero, Juan Mata, Harry Kewell. Other characters mentioned (like Jüergen Klopp... and some others).
Type: is an AU based in real events of someone's life... adapted for this fandom.
Rating: R... in general... still...
Disclaimer: This is just for fun ok? There's not others intentions.
Doing the beta thing ... an_only_tree
~.~
8 years earlier
Xabi is hiding from the bone-chilling reality of another January day inside his room. The wind blow through frosted trees in front of his window which sway against the grey backdrop of the sky. The scenery probably makes the air seem colder than it really is.
His room is a little oasis of warmth and sunny beach days that seem to stretch out forever. He’s under the covers on his bed and also under a pile of books, photos and note cards. He’s taking a break from assignments, admiring the view outside the window, feeling grateful to be under a roof with heaters that do their job. He’s not really sure that’s the main source of warmth but as long as him and Steven are kept nice and toasty… Steven and his incessant mumbling about... Xabi doesn’t have a fucking clue what his mumbling translates to.
Xabi turns on his side to get a better view of Steven’s profile, detailing the wrinkles on his forehead, his lips that move ever so softly when he reads, the intense focus on his old man face. Xabi gets up from the bed as quietly as possible, takes his camera and, almost tiptoeing, returns to his studying nest. His precautions are unnecessary. Steven is so riveted by his book that he ignores Xabi’s very existence in the universe.
Xabi raises his camera, adjusts the focus… click… click.
Steven stops mumbling at last. He starts to smile even though his eyes are firmly still trained on the book.
-“Are you bored?”
-“Couldn’t miss that shot.”
-“Really?”
-“You look so… intellectual. Like you’re pondering the meaning of existence, of why are we here, what we are… Brains are sexy, you know…”
-“Shut it! It’s Heat Transfer,”- Steven says, voice tinged with misery -“I got a test next Friday. The Professor dumps 100 problems on us and every single one of them is giving me a fucking headache.”
Xabi lays down his camera on the bed, he moves towards his desk (more like Steven’s desk these days) and flips shut the book that’s deepening the lines on Steven’s forehead. Xabi can already see a couple of new ones beginning to form.
Steven has every intention to put up a good fight. It’s just that as he’s about to start cursing, Xabi is already straddling him on the chair, his weight on Steven’s lap, his arms around his neck, licking his lips with the tip of his pink tongue.
-“Forget about the theory. I think it’s time to for some practical experiments with heat transfer, no?”
Steven lets out a little giddy laughter on Xabi’s lips.
-“Let’s see what it takes to get you all hot…” - Xabi has his hands under Steven’s t-shirt. He can feel the trail of goosebumps left on his boyfriend’s skin by his fingertips. Steven’s hands are on his hips, still chuckling, his mouth slowly making its way to Xabi’s ear.
-“Mmmm, I can tell that we’re going to ace that test. Better than Fluid Mechanics.”
-“You were great at Fluid Mechanics.”
-“You weren’t bad either.”
-“Oh so modest, Alonso…”
-“No, I’m just being realistic… and fair”- Xabi pulls back a little to look at Steven’s face. There’s still a hint of strain in all that beautiful blue of his eyes - “You worry too much. You’ll be great, you always are.”
Steven gives him a small, shy smile because it’s true. He does worry too much. But he can’t stop worrying until he knows he can solve every single problem on the test, let alone pass it.
If there’s one person in the world that can get his mind off engineering problems, it’s Xabi. Steven can’t even imagine that he could get through any of it without him. He’s become as much of a part of Steven’s motivation to work hard as he is a distraction because failure would feel like he’s failing Xabi too.
-“Well, are you going to show me your practical methods of heat conduction from a sphere to a stagnant fluid?”
-“I absolutely got that, I’m the sphere.”
-“So that makes me the stagnant fluid?”
-“I don’t know… Whichever makes me the one who’ll be fucking you?”
Steven’s laughter echoes through the drum of the rain on the window. Xabi tries to keep his best game face on, in the name of science, but fails miserably.
-“Uh, so that’s what this sudden interest in applied physics is all about, wanting to fuck me?”
-“I’m only trying to expand our knowledge of heat conduction… for the greater good.”
-“Just admit you want my ass.”
-“I want your hot ass!”
-“That’s more like it…”
It’s dark now, close to midnight. Xabi sleeps content in his bed, his face half shaded from the lamp on his desk. Steven is scribbling formulas and drawings in his notebook. From time to time his eyes drift to the sleeping man by his side, taking in the elegant lines of his body. He smiles and goes back to his notes.
When Xabi wakes up at dawn, he sees Steven sleeping on the desk, his face buried in the book. He sighs, gets up and wakes up his boyfriend just enough to drag him to bed.
They fall asleep instants later, legs intertwined.
When the Heat Transfer exam results are in, Steven’s name is at the top of the list.
~.~
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses
~.~
Even though February days in London are often frigid, this sunny afternoon is a welcome exception. The days are visibly longer, the light is visibly bolder and falls at perfect angles as far as Xabi’s concerned. He sometimes forgets that the city has so much to offer in the most commonplace spots infested with tourists, but he’s determined to put it right. The masses in St. James’ Park float past his elegant form swathed in a dark grey coat as his gloved hands fix the tripod. There are kids running around, dogs barking and the inevitable tourists mishandling their expensive cameras. Xabi ignores them for once, taking in every detail of the huge canvas inviting him to find the story to immortalize. There are so many colours on offer he’ll make sure the light will be imprinted on his pictures as someone would say.
If only Xabi could be sure that this someone will ever get to see them.
He takes a deep breath to give his brain at least an opportunity to stop overthinking everything for once.
Xabi points the camera towards the stairs leading to the park gazebo that’s framed by the fountain and a massive tree bending its leafless branches with the chilly wind. Xabi smiles knowing he’s found the perfect vantage point. He takes off the chamois gloves to focus the lens properly.
Click…click
Someone’s blocking his view two shots later.
-“Guess you’ve got the perfect light for it.”
Xabi inhales the cold air deeply before he straightens up in slow motion to face Steven. The camera is the only thing separating their bodies. Xabi recognizes the look in Steven’s eyes, it’s only one of many that send his blood on a mad gallop through his veins. It’s Steven’s turn to breathe in deep, leaning against the rail by the pond while Xabi moves the tripod away to make room and waits silently with his hands shoved in his pockets. He tries to ignore the way the sunlight lands on Steven’s face and hair, playing with the keys in his pocket to keep his hands from grabbing the camera for a quick shot while he still has the chance.
-“When I was thirteen I used to collect Popular Mechanics with this mate from school. We split the cost of the subscription and we’d spend hours trying to come up with our own experiments and ways to blow shit up in the most scientific way we could think of. One day I found this article about an oil engineer who invented a new oil drill. The way he talked about his job, about thrill of hitting a new well. It was just the coolest thing ever… It felt like getting to be that guy was all I wanted to do.
I started going to the library, collecting every article I could get my hands on about oil extraction, I used to daydream about all those exotic places on the map where I’d fly to... It was all that I wanted to do with myself and I focused all my effort on it. Well, you know how that went...
Then you just sort of… came along right in the middle of it, with your images of the world… your ideals, and I had no plans for you. I had no idea where we would fit in with any of it. It didn’t seem fair to ask you to put your own dreams aside. And I felt miserable because I couldn’t make it work. I tried but it was stronger than me…”- Steven takes another deep breath before he can find some order in his thoughts.
-“I could do it the first time… push you aside and walk away. I was convinced that’s what was best for both of us at the time, that it was what was supposed to happen all along. I don’t regret what I’ve achieved, but… I can’t- I can’t leave this time. I’ve already made my dreams come true, there’s no plan for what comes next. Only you. You’re the plan. And I want to work every bit as hard on life with you as I’ve worked on my career. I can’t say no to it, not this time… I don’t want to.”
Xabi’s been staring at him the whole time. It feels like he hasn’t even blinked or given any visible sign that he’s processing what’s happening. The truth is he’s not, not really. He’s caught up in wondering if falling in love with Steven as a grownass man, without any of the excuses the stupidity of youth affords is the healthy or smart thing to do. He’s not afraid to feel this way though because he’s never been surer of anything Steven’s ever said, except maybe for the choice words he has for Everton during derbies. He sees how careful and deliberate Steven is being, weighing every word just to make sure how much this means to him.
-“I was sure, so sure about what it’d mean to see you again. I was worried that you’d moved on or well… that you weren’t in the same place as I… you had every right to. But you were… you’re… Oh, fuck it. I really want to say fuck you but there you go. This is supposed to be my heartfelt confession and “fuck you” seems to be out of place right now, doesn’t it?”
The grin on Xabi’s face makes Steven instantly smile as well. And that’s it.
-“Well, I’m going to say it anyway: fuck you, you left your keys home.”
-“That’s true. By the way… can I ask you a favour? I need to take my things from the company flat and bring it to your place. I have to move out today.”
-“Oh.”
-“Yeah. I’m officially a homeless bum now. Well, an unemployed homeless bum to be exact. If that doesn’t get you hot and bothered...”
-“What… what happened?”
-“I quit.”
-“But… how… was that necessary?”- Steven can’t help but laugh at the dumbfounded look on Xabi’s face.
He steps closer towards Xabi and his fingers wrap themselves around his cold hand. He couldn’t look any more like a fool in love if he tried.
-“I don’t need it; I can find another job no problem. Besides, I can always think of alternative ways to pay you for accommodation.”
Xabi can read between the lines just fine. He doesn’t need to hear anything else, having still not recovered properly from Steven’s previous rambling. This is enough and then some. This is Steven after all.
-“OK, let’s go get your things then.”
-“Not yet, I want you to take your shot. Show me?”
Click… click…
So I crawl back in to your open arms…
Yes I crawl back in to your open arms…
And I crawl back in to your open arms…
Yes I crawl back in to your open arms…
~.~
What can I say???
Thank you for give this a chance and for your thoughts. This is for you after all, you and you ;)
And again, my beta is the reason of why this exists. Thanks to an_only_tree for make the all thing just wonderful.
Oh and this is the last song... wasn't hard to guess it...right??