(no subject)
im not organized, all i care about is being a bad ass, i havent written in my real journal in so long, i think the only reason anyone keeps updating their livejournals is because they know people are going to read it and judge them... in a good way.. if not then we would make them privite right?
anyway...
i havent taken any medications or used any of my creams for my legs in a about 8 years and i really cant seem to ever write down anythin i really think on paper. im goign to write everyone that i love letters and make them cds that remind me of them and send it to them in the mail... just to show that i care even though lately it seems like im only intrested in a couple people, and drugs... which isnt true... and i really dont know what im feeling right now..., i cant decide if this is wat i want, if my life is going the way i want.. and i havnt thoguht about it, because well, im kind of scared. and when i thnk about it i make myself mad, because i dont want this, but i do sometimes, and im begining to think that maybe it isnt right, but then sudenly everythings ok... and then its back to normal... i dont even know if what i just said makes any sense or if its how im really feeling, maybe i dont have any feeling at all.. maybe i have to much and thats y i cant think about it. maybe its the people, maybe i know too much... and i question myself about the way people look at me. like im different, and i dotn know if iv changed or if im different, or myabe its everyone else, i thought i was. maybe im trying to be somthing that im not.... and im not talking about that stuff, but like how iv been lately, and were moving nad im using it as excuse to be lazy and not take care of myself untill we actully move in but i know it will be even worse then. and to be totally honest with everyone, i only want to do two things right now.... be skiny and be 16, and if i was those things i would deleat this stupid journal and start living my life, with peolpe that actully are like me... if i could drive i would
be with alexis all the time and meet all her bad ass friends and party with her..
go pay sean a visit and talk to him about everything
go to all the bad ass local shows
go on vacation somwhere
eat out at teco bell with emily
go places all the time and do everything i could all the time
anyway...
i havent taken any medications or used any of my creams for my legs in a about 8 years and i really cant seem to ever write down anythin i really think on paper. im goign to write everyone that i love letters and make them cds that remind me of them and send it to them in the mail... just to show that i care even though lately it seems like im only intrested in a couple people, and drugs... which isnt true... and i really dont know what im feeling right now..., i cant decide if this is wat i want, if my life is going the way i want.. and i havnt thoguht about it, because well, im kind of scared. and when i thnk about it i make myself mad, because i dont want this, but i do sometimes, and im begining to think that maybe it isnt right, but then sudenly everythings ok... and then its back to normal... i dont even know if what i just said makes any sense or if its how im really feeling, maybe i dont have any feeling at all.. maybe i have to much and thats y i cant think about it. maybe its the people, maybe i know too much... and i question myself about the way people look at me. like im different, and i dotn know if iv changed or if im different, or myabe its everyone else, i thought i was. maybe im trying to be somthing that im not.... and im not talking about that stuff, but like how iv been lately, and were moving nad im using it as excuse to be lazy and not take care of myself untill we actully move in but i know it will be even worse then. and to be totally honest with everyone, i only want to do two things right now.... be skiny and be 16, and if i was those things i would deleat this stupid journal and start living my life, with peolpe that actully are like me... if i could drive i would
be with alexis all the time and meet all her bad ass friends and party with her..
go pay sean a visit and talk to him about everything
go to all the bad ass local shows
go on vacation somwhere
eat out at teco bell with emily
go places all the time and do everything i could all the time