Today....
I drove both to and from work without turning the headlights on. And yes, I did work a full day.
This has me unreasonably jazzed up.
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Yesterday morning, my morning DJ's were talking about "The Bucket List".
What do you want to make sure you do before you die?
And if you want to do it, is it on your "to do" list for tomorrow?
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Sugars still swinging wildly, but I'm getting used to it, and it doesn't scare me anymore.
This is a good thing.
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That thing I mentioned? That thing I don't really know how to talk about?
The thing is...people don't hurt me anymore.
Hurtful things don't hurt, and people doing the mean just doesn't do anything to me anymore.
I just don't care--I really don't. I don't feel it.
Sometimes, when I think about some of the things that devastated me at the time they happened, I still get all baffled and cynical...but it doesn't hurt anymore. It doesn't feel like hurt so much as it feels like sarcasm, and a fatalistic lack of surprise at how people being people is just more of the same nastiness.
People do hurtful things now, and I basically don't even notice until it's too late to do anything about them, so I just kind of find myself thinking, Oh well, and that's it.
Nothing hurts, because I just can't convince myself that the hurtful stuff is any of my business, or that it has anything to do with me.
I don't know how I feel about that.
Is it because I've just gotten all steely and cold, or is it because I've just become impervious for other, healthier reasons? Is it because I just don't care, or is it because I care enough about me not to let things get to me anymore?
I don't know what happened. I don't know HOW it happened.
But I really couldn't care any less about any of that stuff if I tried to care less.
It's a little scary, but it feels like the right thing to do.
This has me unreasonably jazzed up.
**********************************************************
Yesterday morning, my morning DJ's were talking about "The Bucket List".
What do you want to make sure you do before you die?
And if you want to do it, is it on your "to do" list for tomorrow?
**********************************************************
Sugars still swinging wildly, but I'm getting used to it, and it doesn't scare me anymore.
This is a good thing.
**********************************************************
That thing I mentioned? That thing I don't really know how to talk about?
The thing is...people don't hurt me anymore.
Hurtful things don't hurt, and people doing the mean just doesn't do anything to me anymore.
I just don't care--I really don't. I don't feel it.
Sometimes, when I think about some of the things that devastated me at the time they happened, I still get all baffled and cynical...but it doesn't hurt anymore. It doesn't feel like hurt so much as it feels like sarcasm, and a fatalistic lack of surprise at how people being people is just more of the same nastiness.
People do hurtful things now, and I basically don't even notice until it's too late to do anything about them, so I just kind of find myself thinking, Oh well, and that's it.
Nothing hurts, because I just can't convince myself that the hurtful stuff is any of my business, or that it has anything to do with me.
I don't know how I feel about that.
Is it because I've just gotten all steely and cold, or is it because I've just become impervious for other, healthier reasons? Is it because I just don't care, or is it because I care enough about me not to let things get to me anymore?
I don't know what happened. I don't know HOW it happened.
But I really couldn't care any less about any of that stuff if I tried to care less.
It's a little scary, but it feels like the right thing to do.