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On Friday, Barb The Home Care Nurse (she takes care of both Mother AND me at this point) called me from Mom and Dad's house to let me know that Mom was running a fever of 101.6. Their doctor's office was closed for the day (which is a whole 'NOTHER issue, that may or may not be expanded upon later), and Mother was so weak that she probably could
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Yes, he does not realize how much he cannot do because, in his mind's eye, he is still as capable as he was even five years ago. That is what makes this transition so very, very difficult.
If the healthcare nurse can arrange it, you might want to see if you can take him to visit an assisted living facility. Not as a "This is where we will dump you when we decide you are too much work" gesture, but as a "Let's see what options are available" gesture. Involving him in the process, even if he resents the fact of having to do it, will go a long way toward smoothing ruffled feathers.
I know that with Mom, some things happened so fast that we didn't really get the chance to choose, but we were given options to move her if the place was uncomfortable for her.
Most decent and good assisted living facilities (that I have been able to visit) allow personal touches in the rooms and most will allow spouses to stay together unless one is in need of constant care. Most have outings and activities for the residents. The first one my mother stayed in had raised beds for the residents to do some gardening. Bird feeders were allowed outside the windows. Participation in activies was encouraged, but not forced. Some people (like Mom) are not joiners.
There are some things I wish I had done differently, but the entire experience was very positive and helpful.
♥HUGS♥ and Good Thoughts™ heading your way.
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I have a request in to them for brochures, and want to take advantage of a tour for them. I think that once they are able to SEE it, they will see the advantages. But it's getting from here to there, mentally, that will be the challenge.
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Making the transition, even if done willingly, is going to be difficult. But, once they get into the routine of the place, they will start finding more advantages and wonder why they didn't do it sooner.
Mom had to be in the 'hospital', or constant care unit, but talking with some of the folks in the more independent units brought home the fact that, for the most part, the residents were in charge of their own lives, they just had someone who would be there if necessary.
I think what surprised me most about the places was the young (under 50, some as young as 20) people who were there because of either traumatic brain injury or a severe terminal illness. But nearly every resident I encountered was, if not overflowing with happiness, comfortable with the arrangements.
One thing I would recommend if/when you do this is to do your parent's laundry yourself. The one time I allowed one facility to do Mom's laundry they ruined a soft, comfy chenille lap blanket because the laundry is one hot water fits all.
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This. Which is why I suggested unannounced visits (especially after the folks have moved in). Although from what you know of the history of the place, it does not seem likely to be a issue.
Another thing that Brookside did, was invite prospective residents and family members to have dinner in their residents' dining room for some nominal fee. And family was always welcome to share a meal with the resident(s) under the same terms after.
Brookside did not have complete apartments with kitchens, but their suites all had a kitchenette with microwave and tea kettle, and room for a minifridge. So all residents ate in the formal dining room. They had a smaller dining room upstairs across from the clinic (where the nurses dispensed meds and monitored blood pressure& BG, etc.) for people who were less mobile and needed more help eating.
Does the place do a "meals-on-wheels" sort of program for residents in apartments, who may not be able to (or wish to) cook their own meals?
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As far as I know, the kitchenette is not fully equipped, but definitely suitable for coffee pots and microwaves, so they'd be able to fix little things for themselves. But if you look at the "Food and Dining" page, it looks to me like one of the dining halls and/or one of the cafes are able to provide food from snacks to high end. And you can make reservations online, so you may not even need to be a resident to eat there!
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