(no subject)
...
I really don't know what to say, think, do...
So... I guess this means that it is all over. I still haven't seen Raz, and I was finally able to sneak a peek at his lj (since my net connection was dead for awhile there) and he mentioned me, posting something to the effect of "it's safe to say that we aren't seeing one another anymore".....
*shock* Wow. I never, not even in my worst nightmare, would have seen this coming. I mean, I know we haven't been able to see one another lately with my psychotic work schedule as of late, but wow. Simply put. Wow. I feel horrible that we haven't been able to spend as much time together, but hell... I haven't even been able to make it to hardly any of my classes lately because I've been putting in so much overtime and then there is the fact that I just got over having two jobs, one of which I quit last night because I couldn't keep up with all this shit. I am already figuring that I'll be failing half of my classes (due to my absences...), but for some reason... I've become so apathetic that school really doesn't matter to me. My life has become this sick cycle of work, sleep, and the occassional time I can set aside to eat. I didn't want to take on all this overtime, but with bills piling up amongst other things...
What a blow. What a fucking blow.
Thank the Gods for Smashing Pumpkins. "Crestfallen," from the Adore cd (which has ALWAYS been a source of listening pleasure for me) seems to be an appropriate title to listen to right now... to the whole 2 of you that read my journal (you know who you are...), these lyrics (just in case you haven't heard the song) can really, really emphasize my current feelings. It goes something like this...
"Crestfallen"
Who am I to need you when I'm down?
And where are you when I need you around?
Your life is not your own
And all I ask you
Is for another chance
Another way around you
To live by circumstance, once again
Who am I to need you now?
To ask you why, to tell you no
To deserve your love and sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me
And you may go, but I know you won't leave
Too many years built into memories
Your life is not your own
Who am I to need you now?
To ask you why, to tell you no
To deserve your love and sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me
Who am I to you?
Along the way
I lost my faith
And as you were, you'll be again
To mold like clay, to break like dirt
To tear me up in your sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me
You were never meant to belong to me
You were never meant to belong to me
Who am I? (repeated)
------------------------
So kill me. I'm fucking unoriginal. I know, I know. I should have composed my own poem describing my feelings over this entire matter, but I'm really not feeling any creativity juices right now. I'm really not feeling anything right now, but... well, this. This odd aching feeling that I have within, and the constant mist of pain that I taste every time I see something that reminds me of him.
Not only did I lose my boyfriend... that isn't what hurts. Boyfriends are a dime a dozen. Let me be cliche here, since I'm having trouble being original... "easy come, easy go." I really don't want a boyfriend right now. However, I digress. My point got lost in my pointless rambling. Forgive me. I was trying to state that I feel as though I've lost the very best friend I've ever had in my life. My only REAL friend. He was my best friend long before I even began to lower my defensive walls... and I loathe myself for not being able to admit to it sooner.
Ahh, but... I must get back to work now. Today has been rather slow so I think I will now go see about pelting drunks with moldy cream puffs for entertainment. Woo. *sighs*
~Lilyth
I really don't know what to say, think, do...
So... I guess this means that it is all over. I still haven't seen Raz, and I was finally able to sneak a peek at his lj (since my net connection was dead for awhile there) and he mentioned me, posting something to the effect of "it's safe to say that we aren't seeing one another anymore".....
*shock* Wow. I never, not even in my worst nightmare, would have seen this coming. I mean, I know we haven't been able to see one another lately with my psychotic work schedule as of late, but wow. Simply put. Wow. I feel horrible that we haven't been able to spend as much time together, but hell... I haven't even been able to make it to hardly any of my classes lately because I've been putting in so much overtime and then there is the fact that I just got over having two jobs, one of which I quit last night because I couldn't keep up with all this shit. I am already figuring that I'll be failing half of my classes (due to my absences...), but for some reason... I've become so apathetic that school really doesn't matter to me. My life has become this sick cycle of work, sleep, and the occassional time I can set aside to eat. I didn't want to take on all this overtime, but with bills piling up amongst other things...
What a blow. What a fucking blow.
Thank the Gods for Smashing Pumpkins. "Crestfallen," from the Adore cd (which has ALWAYS been a source of listening pleasure for me) seems to be an appropriate title to listen to right now... to the whole 2 of you that read my journal (you know who you are...), these lyrics (just in case you haven't heard the song) can really, really emphasize my current feelings. It goes something like this...
"Crestfallen"
Who am I to need you when I'm down?
And where are you when I need you around?
Your life is not your own
And all I ask you
Is for another chance
Another way around you
To live by circumstance, once again
Who am I to need you now?
To ask you why, to tell you no
To deserve your love and sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me
And you may go, but I know you won't leave
Too many years built into memories
Your life is not your own
Who am I to need you now?
To ask you why, to tell you no
To deserve your love and sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me
Who am I to you?
Along the way
I lost my faith
And as you were, you'll be again
To mold like clay, to break like dirt
To tear me up in your sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me
You were never meant to belong to me
You were never meant to belong to me
Who am I? (repeated)
------------------------
So kill me. I'm fucking unoriginal. I know, I know. I should have composed my own poem describing my feelings over this entire matter, but I'm really not feeling any creativity juices right now. I'm really not feeling anything right now, but... well, this. This odd aching feeling that I have within, and the constant mist of pain that I taste every time I see something that reminds me of him.
Not only did I lose my boyfriend... that isn't what hurts. Boyfriends are a dime a dozen. Let me be cliche here, since I'm having trouble being original... "easy come, easy go." I really don't want a boyfriend right now. However, I digress. My point got lost in my pointless rambling. Forgive me. I was trying to state that I feel as though I've lost the very best friend I've ever had in my life. My only REAL friend. He was my best friend long before I even began to lower my defensive walls... and I loathe myself for not being able to admit to it sooner.
Ahh, but... I must get back to work now. Today has been rather slow so I think I will now go see about pelting drunks with moldy cream puffs for entertainment. Woo. *sighs*
~Lilyth