Paradise lost

[anael777]

title: Paradise lost
author: anael777
pairing: yunjae
genre: romance, angst?
rating: pg-13
warning: incest, father-son relationship, un-betaed >_<'
summary: When, after paying the highest price his feelings Yunho once again stands as a free man, he notices how much everything has changed. Was it all worth it or did he make a fatal mistake?



It has been 3 years… three long years filled with violence, hurt and guilt. There wasn’t a day he wouldn’t be called a child molester, a rapist. There wasn’t a night he wouldn’t shiver from nightmares or cry to longing dreams. During these three years of hell, there was only one face he had seen before his eyes; one name that played in his head like a broken record.

Those onyx black orbs looking at him from under equally black bangs were haunting his nights. Those pouty soft pinkish lips, those pale cheeks that flushed crimson red from time to time were infinitely torturing his brain. Even now, he could recall every mole every scar the boy carried on his beautiful pale body. He still heard his whispery voice, bright laughter muffled but his hand, he could nearly feel him in his arms as if it was only seconds ago he left…

Cursing his eyes for looking at this beauty, cursing his hands for touching this nearly ethereal form, cursing his lips for tasting his forbidden fruit, for uttering his name in so many shades of lust and love one could think you really are insane; he could only silently obey his punishment. He knew this shouldn’t have tasted this good, this shouldn’t have felt so right and yet with every thrust deep inside him with every moan he was losing himself. He stopped caring about his soul long ago but the boy’s lost innocence made him howl with grief, like wolf in moonless night. They said he was obsessed, that he was sick; maybe they were right but he liked to give his condition a different name - love.

Clinging to a three-year-old newspaper clip reading: ‘A businessman convicted of child molesting and rape on his own son!’ in washed out red, with a black and white picture of a 16-teen year old boy, his only treasure, Yunho would sit in his cell and wait. He would stare at the lifeless eyes printed on a yellowish paper and whisper secret words of comfort and love. He would forever dwell in memories.

The first time those black, crystal, doe eyes set their wet gaze on him, he knew he would do anything for the heavenly creature. The boy was the only consolation Yunho had after his young wife gave her life to bring him to this world. JaeJoong - the name seemed to fit perfectly. He would witness it all: first steps, first words, first time riding a bike and of course, first fall and tears he had to dry afterwards. First day at school, first crush at a tender age of eight and first heartbreak that sent the sobbing boy straight into his father’s warm and protective arms. The teary face snuggling to his chest simply took his breath away. That was when Yunho swore to protect him from the dangers of the world so he would never see those tears gracing the little one’s face.

As a responsible and caring father he did all he could to make his angel happy yet he would soon discover his son was more than his treasure, he became his obsession. Yunho grew jealous of anyone who would approach his boy, thus the little one had almost no friends. He was personally picking up and dropping of his angel to school or to piano lessons, even if it meant rescheduling his business meetings - nothing came between him and his son. Jaejoong didn’t seem to mind his father’s overprotective behavior. Longing for affection he would do anything to earn his father’s gratitude or so Yunho thought. Soon they would gave into their obscure game of hugs and kisses. Their first real kiss happened on JaeJoong’s 12th birthday, as the boy voiced out his wish and he gladly fulfilled it. Every single day the boy was showered with love, care, and gifts from his lovesick father. Maids and butlers kept their silence as they watched the odd couple play their spectacle of jealous fights and sweet make up’s just before their eyes.

It was JaeJoong’s 14th summer when he decided to get a fiancée, as he found his bond with the teenager grew dangerously tight. The plan backfired as Yunho found himself in his son’s bedroom soon after his 15th birthday party. He would spend there nearly every night whispering words of passion and love. They were close, too close but neither wanted it to end. Sadly every sweet thing lasts only for so long. It was she, who alarmed the police and every social service, when she found them one night in heat of their passion.

All these promises broken all the words meaningless now but he didn’t regret anything, at least he promised himself not to regret, apart from ever bringing the woman to his house.

Days went by without him noticing it, all of them carrying only one meaning - loneliness.

He still remembered that day at court. He remembered how his little boy stood there crying and swearing that he wasn’t a victim, that he had agreed to this, that he loved him but who would believe a child. Everyone was too busy going on about how they want to protect him, how this trail was meant to save the innocence and bring back the childhood to this molested angel to give a damn about what the said angel felt - ironic. When the jury came back and judge read ‘guilty’ Yunho felt his heart stop, not because he was found guilty of rape and incest and God knows what else but because he seen his beloved one faint right there before him and he couldn’t catch him, he couldn’t save him. Even now, he felt like shouting when the scene played before his closed eyes. That was the last time he had seen his son, the last time he would probably ever see him.

He waited, sat there and waited for the day he would get a letter, a note, something, anything from the outside world… from him but nothing ever came.

‘Jung!’ a harsh voice brought him back to the reality. ‘Judge wants to see you! Move your fucking ass!’ iron bars moved on their own granting him free way to the corridor.

Walking along two guards with his wrists and ankles wrapped in steel he tried to turn deaf to all the insults and laughs surrounding him. Jail wasn’t one of the nicest locations one could ever venture to but someone who ever touched a child, could consider hell a mere playground comparing it with this place. During his stay, countless were times when he was spat at, called names, beaten or kicked to unconsciousness yet he never fought back; that didn’t mean he didn’t defend himself but never in an offensive way. He wasn’t a culprit, he was a man who fell in love with his own son and no he didn’t regret that - he tried not to.

Heavy wooden door slammed behind his back leaving him in a small room with four wooden chairs and a massive desk with a leather chair behind it. He was ordered to sit on one of the chairs and wait and so he did. Pressing his cuffed hand to a pocket in his uniform, he felt the paper inside crunch a bit ‘JaeJoongie’ his lips formed the name but voice never reached his throat. Waiting there once again his mind started to play with him, showing him all the heart aching events, though back then they were his dreams coming true.

‘ekhem.. Jung Yunho …’ a low hum came from the leather chair, which was now occupied by an elderly man forced him to focus on the actual world. ‘Congratulations. You are now a free man.’ no excitement in his tone.

‘… Thank you. Thank you Sir.’ Yunho bowed while standing up, still confused to what exactly happened.

Steel cuffs were taken off him and he was lead to a room with his possessions while he was still trying to remember how did this happen. He could partly recall someone, probably his lawyer, saying something about good behavior and an early release but he wasn’t sure if it was an illusion or a daydream.  Receiving dirty looks from the personnel middle-aged man exited the jail through the gate, clothed in his old yet still expensive looking suit. He didn’t expect anyone’s welcoming words or hugs thus he was surprised when a black Audi drove slowly towards him. His heart skipped a beat.

‘Sir!’ a happy tone reached his ears as he watched a young, tall, well dressed man nearly run towards him. ‘Long time no see Sir!’

‘Chang..Min…’ surprised to see his driver.

‘I’m glad you remember Sir.’ younger smiled. ‘Shall we go?’ he held the door for him.

‘Is…’ words stuck in his throat leaving him mute as he discovered the back seat was empty.

The ride was silent; ChangMin knowing his place didn’t try to bring up any topic. Observing his passenger driver noted how devastating the 3 years had been for the man.

‘ChangMin this is not the way to my mansion…’

‘Young master requested to drive you to an apartment.’

Of course, Yunho  sighed there is no reason you would want to see me. Like many times before he would wonder if he in fact overestimated the 16 teen year-old’s heart. Surely once out of his fathers influence the boy would roam free, forgetting the promises once made. It was quite different sitting in the confinement trying to find excuses for all the missing letters; maybe he was busy with school, maybe he forgot to put a stamp, maybe the post was late, maybe the censors didn’t let the post through; but seeing how his son didn’t bother to welcome or pass a message to him - well, that was truly unexpected. He began to lose hope seeing how wrong he was all these years.

‘Is… JaeJoong doing ok?’ his voice nearly broke.

‘Yes Sir, young master is doing great.’ Driver smiled. ‘Here we are Sir.’ Young man jumped out of the car and held the door for his master.

‘Thank you ChangMin. You haven’t changed a bit.’ He tried to smile but all he managed was an awkward grimace.

‘Thank you Sir. It’s apartment 115 on 15th floor. Please let me know if you need anything.’ He was handed a pair of keys.

Black Audi drove of leaving Yunho at the entrance to a glass tower. Finding the apartment wasn’t difficult as there was only one per level. Well, at least he got a decent place for his old man, he sighed bitterly. Walking into the apartment he noticed how well decorated it was, walls were pale cream with black picture-less frames here and there and wooden furniture painted black. The unit consisted of three bedrooms, a large day room and kitchen. Jae’s favorite place… He still remembered how his little boy tried all his best to bake a birthday cake for him, and how it ended up in total disaster. It took 3 maids to clean the mess. Yunho smiled to himself.

Slowly strolling into the kitchen, he found his heart nearly failed him at the sight before his eyes. He wasn’t alone. Right there few feet away stood a man, with his back facing him. Short honey color hair, pierced ears, broad shoulders clothed in delicate black fabric, well fitting his toned arms and slim waist. Skinny black faded jeans weren’t leaving much to imagination. His ears picked up on a soft whispery hum, no doubt coming from the figure before him. When his eyes travelled back up a pair of midnight blue doe orbs met them. The world stood still. After what seemed eternity, pulp pinkish lips stretched in an awkward smile and those dark blue crystals looked away. This was too much for the man to bear. Taking two fast strolls, he snatched the shorter male into a bone-crushing hug.

‘Sorry.’ Yunho muttered when the beauty gently pushed himself away.

‘Long time no see right?’ the younger laughed not meeting the others gaze.

‘You… changed.’ he rasped.

‘Y-yeah… kind of.’ Boy touched his nape in embarrassment. ‘It’s too short.’

‘It’s perfect.’ He cold hardly take the tension building in his body.

Dark eyes widen looking straight into almond shaped ones. Tint of rose crept on teenager’s cheeks when a hand reached to brush his honey color bangs to the side.

A sharp tone broke the dream-like atmosphere. Boy turned away fishing the phone from his pocket.

‘Kim JaeJoong…’ his heart sunk deep. He gazed sadly at his slowly pacing angel trying to make out words escaping his lips.

‘You… changed… your name…’ he heard his voice creak.

Boy looked at him alarmed and looked away biting his lip the next second.

‘Yeah… Micky said it would be better if I took ‘Kim’ instead...’ Yunho was lost in the melody of his son’s voice. He could only nod with his eyes closed.

‘You speak Japanese… I-I didn’t know…’ all this was too much for his heart, he felt his temples pounding.

‘I’ve been living there for 3 years… just got back…’ dark orbs seemed to be glued to the floor.

‘Right.’ He felt useless. It was so painfully obvious now. Hope was leaving him with every breath.

‘I… I attended an interior design course and Micky got me a job and a place to stay…’ whispery voice tried to get through the chaos of thoughts clouding older man’s brain.

‘Good for you.’ Turning his gaze to the window Yunho took a deep breath. ‘Does he treat you well?’ His hart broke. Noticing his son’s awkward blush he felt his heart shatter into thousand pieces.

Being this long in confinement gave him more than enough time to think through all sorts of scenarios but it didn’t necessarily prepare him for any of it. He had lost his boy, his angel, his most precious treasure. He has lost everything, all was meaningless, the time he served, the insults he endured, the memories he had cherished, the feelings he had paid for with severe price - all worthless. Breathing out all the air in his lungs he turned away to leave. He didn’t want to be here, didn’t want to hear the reply.

‘Well, I appreciate all the effort with the apartment and all but… I better take my lea…’

‘Appa!’ one word stopped him in his tracks rooting him to the floor. Soon after a pair of strong arms wrapped around his waist pressing a well shaped chest against his back.

‘A-appa…’ soft cry reached his ears.

Yunho stood there quiet, shocked, unable to breathe. What was going on?!

‘A-appa-a… don-don’t leave me…’ he felt moisture on his shoulder. ‘I-I didn’t know what to do. Peo-people from social services were asking so many que-questions and I was so scared and they told me I won’t see you again and Micky got me an entry to a school in Japan and I went there to live with him and his boyfriend and I sold the mansion to open a business with Micky there and I fired everyone coz I was angry no one helped you and I wanted to write letters to you but I forgot the address and I didn’t know who to ask and I was so confused and sad and I…’ He took a deep breath as the myriad of words was spilled in one go in a childish manner - somethings don’t change.

‘Jae…’ Taking the moment of silence to his advantage, Yunho took smaller hands of his stomach and turned to face his son. He was taken by surprise by a pair of teardrop-wet lips, which landed on his own.

‘Please don’t say anything. Don’t go. Love me again… please appa...’ his voice broke ‘Please love me again… don’t leave… appa…’ he sobbed hiding his face in crook of Yunho’s neck circling his arms around it. ‘I-I bought th-this is for… us.’ Faint whisper caressed father’s neck.

‘Am I dreaming?’ he whispered more to himself feeling his arms wrapping slowly around his son’s waist. If that truly was a dream he’d rather die than wake up.

That night his beautiful angel took him to Heaven more than once and he made sure the other reached his peak twice as much. Words of love and belonging chanted till the light of dawn reached their spent frames wrapped in black silk sheets. Their own private paradise.

Fin ♥

A/N: em... I kind of had it written a long time ago but I just mustered enough courage to post it now >///< my second YunJae fic I hope you liked it ^^;
sry for the mistakes >_<

+sorry for using such an important title *bows to John Milton*

++ AKTF ^^