FIC: Dawn of the night - The 12th night - Worry
Title: Dawn of the night - The 12th night: Worry
Author: Anae
Beta: Still none. Anyone interested for the remaining chapters?
Fandom: D. Gray-Man
Characters/pairing: Lavi/Kanda
Rating: overall M/NC-17, this one PG-13ish
Spoilers: overall thorough the manga, this one holding brief mentions of 2nd and 3rd exorcist programs.
Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine.
Summary: Sometimes worry makes you do stupid things.
Important note: These are series of one-shots, but together, they make one whole fic, going through all the manga/anime there is at the moment, showing how both Lavi and Kanda changed during the war and what happened to their relationship.
A/N: *sighs* Just to tell you, I actually went through the trouble of searching for the time zones for China and Jordan. Since DGM is somewhat based on our world, I suppose they have time zones as well. As for the chapter… *resist the urge to steal Kanda’s Mugen and hit the boys* I had some plans, but boys decided to turn the tables without asking my opinion. I don’t think I have any right to say no, but I can still complain.
As for the future, the remaining chapters (I’d estimate 2-3 more), I'll have to take a ride with imagination, since this is as far as I can go with the current timeline of manga. I still hope you enjoy, and stay with the fic despite this.
(Long A/N is long, now off to the chapter ~)
The 12th night: Worry
"It takes two to speak the truth: one to speak, and another to hear."
Henry David Thoreau
“Do you know what time it is, idiot?”´
Lavi whimpers, staring at the black golem floating in the air in front of him, the machine almost drowned by darkness if not for white portion - it is dark outside, and the Bookman Junior has decided to be more than few meters away from the dimly lighted camp to make the call.
“Umm… A little over ten in the evening?” In China, that is. Lavi knows very well that Kanda is far, far from this country, in Jordan, where time is a good six hours behind.
Kanda knows this as well, which is why he is angry with the redhead, and Lavi lets the angry burst come out, even if he finds himself whimpering to the words, as meaningless as empty threats and name-calling are. But even so, this time, the words seem to lack the usual bite - Lavi can’t quite explain why, but he can tell something isn’t quite right.
Although he has a good hunch of the why - his main reason to call Kanda in the first place - but it still feels odd to be able to notice it barely based on Kanda’s voice - sure, he knows the other youth well, and would be able to tell it fast if they were eye to eye, but this is something he couldn’t quite predict.
“Yuu, are you okay?” he says, his one eye on the golem, wishing that he could see Kanda eye to eye.
His answer is a soft che, a snort and rudely posed question: “What makes you think different?”
Lavi’s hands close into a fist as he’s sitting on the cold rock, short nails digging into skin - it’s uncharacteristic of him to doubt something he’s already decided on, something he’s been thinking all day, frustrated at himself not seeing it before leaving the Order - this is something that would’ve been better to ask when seeing Kanda, but he doesn’t know when he’ll next get the chance - in short, he’s too worried about another person to care how things should be done.
Which is scary as hell.
“I heard about the third exorcists.”
The silence answers him, but he can feel the tension even tens of thousands miles away, even though he doesn’t see or hear anything, even if everything in his vision is darkening night and golem with nothing more than a quiet bzzz radiating through the line.
“Yuu?”
“I’m fine.” That’s big, fat lie, and both of them know that - no matter what Kanda says, no matter how much he hates the Order, there’s no way for him not to be affected by the Order repeating their biggest mistake, just with new spices. “It’s none of my business, I don’t care.”
It reminds Lavi why he used to think nothing of the mankind - repeating the same mistakes over and over again, never learning. “But…”
“How much do you actually know about me?”
Lavi is taken back that Kanda doesn’t actually yell at him, but then again, his voice is sharpened with a razor blade, made of ice cold glass, cutting through everything there is - it hurts, claws at his supposedly non-existent heart, and for once, Lavi doesn’t have any idea of what he’s supposed to do - with Kanda, with himself, with these so-called feelings.
He could lie, but since he bothered coming all this way, he might as well tell the truth. “Only basics”, he answers, one green eye fixed at the golem, “I know what the Second Exorcist program was about, and I know how it ended up, but that’s all.”
Lavi’s certain that that’s not all there’s to it, that Bookman knows more, but he hasn’t asked, since it’s the old man’s call what he shares with his Junior - it’s not Lavi’s place to ask, especially not about Kanda. And for what it’s worth, he’s never asked Kanda about it - it’s not only that the other wouldn’t tell him, it’s just that he can’t bring himself to.
It takes a while before Kanda answers, hidden hurt evident in his voice - when did Lavi learn to hear something like that - not towards Lavi, not really, but rather towards everything that just went wrong, everything he’d rather not think about. The fucking lotus lying on his feet, for one. “I’m hanging up.”
Now that’s something Lavi’s not going to have, no way, not after being this honest and anxious through the day - there’s nothing he can do to make the other feel better, right, but this is still not okay.
“I was worried about you”, he snaps, words leaving his mouth before thinking.
The words hang between them, and it doesn’t really matter that there are thousands and thousands of miles between them, that the time is different, because those words hold an actual meaning, an actual feeling behind them.
Their deal was not to have feelings, to have nothing besides the physical, and even if something might have developed within time, it always went off unsaid - and now Lavi, being the idiot again, has changed that. It’s bad, because it’s more than just another broken rule between them.
But, for what is worth, Kanda doesn’t hang up, not even through the uncomfortable silence - not even when it stretches, and Lavi starts to think about shutting the golem down himself.
“Don’t”, Kanda finally answers, voice stretched and thin, trying to pretend it was just another idiotic phrase, just another ignorable comment, but failing because it was nothing of the sort. “Just…” A pause. Lavi can practically hear the wheels turning in Kanda’s mind, much the same way his are - he doesn’t want to change anything and the same time he does. “Lavi, I…”
There’s some noise in the background, something that Lavi can’t quite make sense off, but he has a feeling that their conversation is about to end - a good thing in every way, with the lack of sleep they both seem to have, they might say some idiotic, meaningless things again, but at the same time he wonders how would it feel to be honest for once, wonders if it’s really okay to leave things hanging like this.
Not that they’re really given any other option, though.
“Sorry, I have to go.” It was to be expected, and Lavi can hear the boots scratching to the sand and stones as Kanda moves, their call still unfinished.
“Yea”, Lavi answers as half-grin makes way to his face - the whole situation is somehow very, very ironic. Still, it makes it possible for him to gather back some of the attitude he’s supposed to have. “But don’t you die!”
“Che.” Lavi can basically hear the small smirk on Kanda’s face as he’s hopping down the stones, making his way back towards the camp from which he left to have some personal space. “I do keep my promises.”
Now that catches Lavi unguarded - he certainly never expected the young exorcist to mention the promise that was more or less forced upon him - but Kanda’s not done yet.
“And just for the record, don’t you dare to die either.”
With that, the connection is cut, leaving Lavi staring at the black-white golem that just floats in the air, the machine incapable of understanding what its owner is doing. Lavi isn’t an idiot even if he more often than not acts like one - he does know the meaning behind Kanda’s words - the very same as his accidental slip. Except, this wasn’t a slip, nothing like that.
Lavi snorts as he stands up, a smile tugging his lips upwards - a smile, that for once, isn’t there for the sake of a persona, for the sake of pretending, but it’s very real - and looks to towards west where the sun has set down.
He does recall today’s conversation with the Bookman - the man told him to break up with Kanda, but when there’s no relationship, there’s nothing to break. Well, that’s not exactly true, and Lavi doesn’t know how he’s going to deal with either of the options, but as for now, he’d just have to leave things as they are. He’ll find a way to deal them somehow, but luckily, there are other problems now. Like saving the world, or something equal to that crap.
Lavi chuckles, one green eye set on the west, on the horizon. When did the things become so confusing and complicated? So human?
Knowing he’ll never get an answer, he turns, presenting his back to the west, hopping down from the stone to another, making his way towards the camp and a lecture he’s bound to have. But before he leaves, he waves his hand once, not looking back, mumbling with a smile on his face: “See ya later, Yuu.”
Author: Anae
Beta: Still none. Anyone interested for the remaining chapters?
Fandom: D. Gray-Man
Characters/pairing: Lavi/Kanda
Rating: overall M/NC-17, this one PG-13ish
Spoilers: overall thorough the manga, this one holding brief mentions of 2nd and 3rd exorcist programs.
Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine.
Summary: Sometimes worry makes you do stupid things.
Important note: These are series of one-shots, but together, they make one whole fic, going through all the manga/anime there is at the moment, showing how both Lavi and Kanda changed during the war and what happened to their relationship.
A/N: *sighs* Just to tell you, I actually went through the trouble of searching for the time zones for China and Jordan. Since DGM is somewhat based on our world, I suppose they have time zones as well. As for the chapter… *resist the urge to steal Kanda’s Mugen and hit the boys* I had some plans, but boys decided to turn the tables without asking my opinion. I don’t think I have any right to say no, but I can still complain.
As for the future, the remaining chapters (I’d estimate 2-3 more), I'll have to take a ride with imagination, since this is as far as I can go with the current timeline of manga. I still hope you enjoy, and stay with the fic despite this.
(Long A/N is long, now off to the chapter ~)
The 12th night: Worry
"It takes two to speak the truth: one to speak, and another to hear."
Henry David Thoreau
“Do you know what time it is, idiot?”´
Lavi whimpers, staring at the black golem floating in the air in front of him, the machine almost drowned by darkness if not for white portion - it is dark outside, and the Bookman Junior has decided to be more than few meters away from the dimly lighted camp to make the call.
“Umm… A little over ten in the evening?” In China, that is. Lavi knows very well that Kanda is far, far from this country, in Jordan, where time is a good six hours behind.
Kanda knows this as well, which is why he is angry with the redhead, and Lavi lets the angry burst come out, even if he finds himself whimpering to the words, as meaningless as empty threats and name-calling are. But even so, this time, the words seem to lack the usual bite - Lavi can’t quite explain why, but he can tell something isn’t quite right.
Although he has a good hunch of the why - his main reason to call Kanda in the first place - but it still feels odd to be able to notice it barely based on Kanda’s voice - sure, he knows the other youth well, and would be able to tell it fast if they were eye to eye, but this is something he couldn’t quite predict.
“Yuu, are you okay?” he says, his one eye on the golem, wishing that he could see Kanda eye to eye.
His answer is a soft che, a snort and rudely posed question: “What makes you think different?”
Lavi’s hands close into a fist as he’s sitting on the cold rock, short nails digging into skin - it’s uncharacteristic of him to doubt something he’s already decided on, something he’s been thinking all day, frustrated at himself not seeing it before leaving the Order - this is something that would’ve been better to ask when seeing Kanda, but he doesn’t know when he’ll next get the chance - in short, he’s too worried about another person to care how things should be done.
Which is scary as hell.
“I heard about the third exorcists.”
The silence answers him, but he can feel the tension even tens of thousands miles away, even though he doesn’t see or hear anything, even if everything in his vision is darkening night and golem with nothing more than a quiet bzzz radiating through the line.
“Yuu?”
“I’m fine.” That’s big, fat lie, and both of them know that - no matter what Kanda says, no matter how much he hates the Order, there’s no way for him not to be affected by the Order repeating their biggest mistake, just with new spices. “It’s none of my business, I don’t care.”
It reminds Lavi why he used to think nothing of the mankind - repeating the same mistakes over and over again, never learning. “But…”
“How much do you actually know about me?”
Lavi is taken back that Kanda doesn’t actually yell at him, but then again, his voice is sharpened with a razor blade, made of ice cold glass, cutting through everything there is - it hurts, claws at his supposedly non-existent heart, and for once, Lavi doesn’t have any idea of what he’s supposed to do - with Kanda, with himself, with these so-called feelings.
He could lie, but since he bothered coming all this way, he might as well tell the truth. “Only basics”, he answers, one green eye fixed at the golem, “I know what the Second Exorcist program was about, and I know how it ended up, but that’s all.”
Lavi’s certain that that’s not all there’s to it, that Bookman knows more, but he hasn’t asked, since it’s the old man’s call what he shares with his Junior - it’s not Lavi’s place to ask, especially not about Kanda. And for what it’s worth, he’s never asked Kanda about it - it’s not only that the other wouldn’t tell him, it’s just that he can’t bring himself to.
It takes a while before Kanda answers, hidden hurt evident in his voice - when did Lavi learn to hear something like that - not towards Lavi, not really, but rather towards everything that just went wrong, everything he’d rather not think about. The fucking lotus lying on his feet, for one. “I’m hanging up.”
Now that’s something Lavi’s not going to have, no way, not after being this honest and anxious through the day - there’s nothing he can do to make the other feel better, right, but this is still not okay.
“I was worried about you”, he snaps, words leaving his mouth before thinking.
The words hang between them, and it doesn’t really matter that there are thousands and thousands of miles between them, that the time is different, because those words hold an actual meaning, an actual feeling behind them.
Their deal was not to have feelings, to have nothing besides the physical, and even if something might have developed within time, it always went off unsaid - and now Lavi, being the idiot again, has changed that. It’s bad, because it’s more than just another broken rule between them.
But, for what is worth, Kanda doesn’t hang up, not even through the uncomfortable silence - not even when it stretches, and Lavi starts to think about shutting the golem down himself.
“Don’t”, Kanda finally answers, voice stretched and thin, trying to pretend it was just another idiotic phrase, just another ignorable comment, but failing because it was nothing of the sort. “Just…” A pause. Lavi can practically hear the wheels turning in Kanda’s mind, much the same way his are - he doesn’t want to change anything and the same time he does. “Lavi, I…”
There’s some noise in the background, something that Lavi can’t quite make sense off, but he has a feeling that their conversation is about to end - a good thing in every way, with the lack of sleep they both seem to have, they might say some idiotic, meaningless things again, but at the same time he wonders how would it feel to be honest for once, wonders if it’s really okay to leave things hanging like this.
Not that they’re really given any other option, though.
“Sorry, I have to go.” It was to be expected, and Lavi can hear the boots scratching to the sand and stones as Kanda moves, their call still unfinished.
“Yea”, Lavi answers as half-grin makes way to his face - the whole situation is somehow very, very ironic. Still, it makes it possible for him to gather back some of the attitude he’s supposed to have. “But don’t you die!”
“Che.” Lavi can basically hear the small smirk on Kanda’s face as he’s hopping down the stones, making his way back towards the camp from which he left to have some personal space. “I do keep my promises.”
Now that catches Lavi unguarded - he certainly never expected the young exorcist to mention the promise that was more or less forced upon him - but Kanda’s not done yet.
“And just for the record, don’t you dare to die either.”
With that, the connection is cut, leaving Lavi staring at the black-white golem that just floats in the air, the machine incapable of understanding what its owner is doing. Lavi isn’t an idiot even if he more often than not acts like one - he does know the meaning behind Kanda’s words - the very same as his accidental slip. Except, this wasn’t a slip, nothing like that.
Lavi snorts as he stands up, a smile tugging his lips upwards - a smile, that for once, isn’t there for the sake of a persona, for the sake of pretending, but it’s very real - and looks to towards west where the sun has set down.
He does recall today’s conversation with the Bookman - the man told him to break up with Kanda, but when there’s no relationship, there’s nothing to break. Well, that’s not exactly true, and Lavi doesn’t know how he’s going to deal with either of the options, but as for now, he’d just have to leave things as they are. He’ll find a way to deal them somehow, but luckily, there are other problems now. Like saving the world, or something equal to that crap.
Lavi chuckles, one green eye set on the west, on the horizon. When did the things become so confusing and complicated? So human?
Knowing he’ll never get an answer, he turns, presenting his back to the west, hopping down from the stone to another, making his way towards the camp and a lecture he’s bound to have. But before he leaves, he waves his hand once, not looking back, mumbling with a smile on his face: “See ya later, Yuu.”