(no subject)
It's been a little while since we've chatted, as usual. Like two posts ago, this is about drugs, but this time, not my own.
I've been reading experience reports on Heroin on www.erowid.com, a very valuable and important source of free an open knowledge on psychedelic and psychoactive drugs.
My first boy friend, alledgedly, was a heroin user, as well as developing a coke addiction before leaving the country. Last time I saw him face to face he denied the heroin use, but a mutual, trustworthy friend of ours confirmed his heroin habit.
Reading these reports... I understand how he could become addicted to heroin. Based on what I'm reading, heroin is the ultimate comforter. It's like the biggest, warmest down blanket to ever wrap itself around a human body. It completely shuts out all outside anxieties, problems, depressions, and worries, and wraps the user in a complete state of bliss.
So, I forgive him a bit more for abandoning me and hurting me.
At the same time, I dare him to proove that it wasn't his fault. I know said boy rather well - I was, after all, in love with him, and miss him to this day. Still, I'd be very very surprised if he didn't welcome the ease of oblivion.
Perhaps I flatter myself, but I am maybe connected to my immediate world more fully then an average person. At least, as far as music is concerned, I feel I transcend normal consciousness more easily and fluidly then an average person.
Perhaps I am conceited.
Whatever the case, I do understand the allure of detachment from the world, of euphoria, of a numb bliss.
The question is, is blaming Him for so many of my troubles in life overly harsh, or underly representative of the enormous effect he had on my life?
Whatever the case, and definitely despite myself... I still miss him.
I hope you're well, and healthy, Zack. I do love you, and I hope you can live your life well.
I've been reading experience reports on Heroin on www.erowid.com, a very valuable and important source of free an open knowledge on psychedelic and psychoactive drugs.
My first boy friend, alledgedly, was a heroin user, as well as developing a coke addiction before leaving the country. Last time I saw him face to face he denied the heroin use, but a mutual, trustworthy friend of ours confirmed his heroin habit.
Reading these reports... I understand how he could become addicted to heroin. Based on what I'm reading, heroin is the ultimate comforter. It's like the biggest, warmest down blanket to ever wrap itself around a human body. It completely shuts out all outside anxieties, problems, depressions, and worries, and wraps the user in a complete state of bliss.
So, I forgive him a bit more for abandoning me and hurting me.
At the same time, I dare him to proove that it wasn't his fault. I know said boy rather well - I was, after all, in love with him, and miss him to this day. Still, I'd be very very surprised if he didn't welcome the ease of oblivion.
Perhaps I flatter myself, but I am maybe connected to my immediate world more fully then an average person. At least, as far as music is concerned, I feel I transcend normal consciousness more easily and fluidly then an average person.
Perhaps I am conceited.
Whatever the case, I do understand the allure of detachment from the world, of euphoria, of a numb bliss.
The question is, is blaming Him for so many of my troubles in life overly harsh, or underly representative of the enormous effect he had on my life?
Whatever the case, and definitely despite myself... I still miss him.
I hope you're well, and healthy, Zack. I do love you, and I hope you can live your life well.