again...
oh gawwwwd, here i am again.
around abouts the beginning of july i tried recovery again, and it went the same way as ever
i CANNOT cope with a normal diet, i cant do moderation, i just binge or starve :/
and so now im 155lbs and thats HUGE. bmi , like, 24.5 right now :S why do i do this?
so i will try to do this the healthy way this time, i will eat 1200, not less, and lose the weight the healthy way, but i know i can say that till im blue in the face and it wont work, as soon as i start restricting i cant stop and ill be on 400 not 1200 and then ill fail my A2s as well as my AS's and wont get into uni because i cant learn if i have no energy. why cant i ever do anything in moderation? i feel so fat that my skin is stretched right now, ive put on over 2 stone in 2 months, thats like 15lbs a month, like 4LBS A WEEK! there is NO WAY i could undo this damage as quickly as i did it in a healthy way,
i guess i need to make myself cope with being fat and try to ignore that
i need to try and do this healthily, i cant relapse again but i know i always do, this happens too often, its just one horrible cycle, only every time it gets worse, each bine relaps i gain more than the last and each ana relapse i restrict more than the last. why? why do i do this????
sorry if you read all that, i guess i just needed to rant and get that out of my system, i guess ill probably be on here more now, seeing as i know my life is about to get take over again...fucking hell...
around abouts the beginning of july i tried recovery again, and it went the same way as ever
i CANNOT cope with a normal diet, i cant do moderation, i just binge or starve :/
and so now im 155lbs and thats HUGE. bmi , like, 24.5 right now :S why do i do this?
so i will try to do this the healthy way this time, i will eat 1200, not less, and lose the weight the healthy way, but i know i can say that till im blue in the face and it wont work, as soon as i start restricting i cant stop and ill be on 400 not 1200 and then ill fail my A2s as well as my AS's and wont get into uni because i cant learn if i have no energy. why cant i ever do anything in moderation? i feel so fat that my skin is stretched right now, ive put on over 2 stone in 2 months, thats like 15lbs a month, like 4LBS A WEEK! there is NO WAY i could undo this damage as quickly as i did it in a healthy way,
i guess i need to make myself cope with being fat and try to ignore that
i need to try and do this healthily, i cant relapse again but i know i always do, this happens too often, its just one horrible cycle, only every time it gets worse, each bine relaps i gain more than the last and each ana relapse i restrict more than the last. why? why do i do this????
sorry if you read all that, i guess i just needed to rant and get that out of my system, i guess ill probably be on here more now, seeing as i know my life is about to get take over again...fucking hell...