aaarrrgggh...
I couldn't decide on where to eat. I found myself overwhelmed and completely taken by the wonderful San Francisco. Taking a "tried and true" approach, I ate at Michaelangelo's. It's this cute and quaint little Italian restaurant with huge window seats and gummy bears, if you should desire. I went therewith Drew on a fabulous date back in the day at that phase in the relationship when we were both pretending to be happy even though "hole of deprivation" was the only way to describe it. While sitting there brought back all these "warm and fuzzy" feelings, I don't think I'll be eating there again for a while, anyway, because I need to find my own little things completely separate from him.
Feeling the need to breathe, I decided to walk down to the Marina and gather whatever thoughts would surface. It was so very Simon Birch of me. "My life has a purpose." No...my parents just fucked up and I was born short. Anyway. I stood by the water and almost felt like crying...which is something I never really do unless completely shit faced. This was different tho. It wasn;t that shit faced "gawd why does my life suck and I love him so much?" crying. This was the happy cry. The wedding cry, shall we say. The cry that says "Omg...I'm going to be living here." Reminder...I didn;t cry in actuality...I just felt like crying.
I took the trolley back downtown. I felt like such a tourist. Btw. I bought a fancy schmancy fanny pack. I know they;re lame, but they;re funny. Why not? A croc. fanny pack...bad ass.
Tomorrow or Thursday I'm supposed to see Drew. He leaves for a month of study in Paris on Sunday. I haven't seen him in a bit over a month and something keeps telling me inside that it should stay that way...for a little longer anyway. Progress is something I acknowledge I have made in this whole quest to rid my heart of him. While I have let go, I can;t help but feel like those feelings will creep back in if I see him now. Last week I was convinved I was done, but now, just being here, I get butterflies thinking about our planned dinner. I get butterflies thinking of his gorgeous face and buff arms. I get butterflies thinking about the intelligent and quickwitted conversations we would have. I get butterflies knowing there will be someone in front of me who cares about me and understands and doesnt judge.I get butterflies thinking about that moment I get to hug the person I care about the most... Ugh ugh ugh. The butterflies arent a good thing.
what to do what to do.
I'm going to another school meeting tonight. Some bizz people wanna go drinking. We shall see.
<3
The business meeting went well. As well as it could go being an assembly of arrogant and egotistical snobs. I will say that half the debate members don't stand a chance against me
Feeling the need to breathe, I decided to walk down to the Marina and gather whatever thoughts would surface. It was so very Simon Birch of me. "My life has a purpose." No...my parents just fucked up and I was born short. Anyway. I stood by the water and almost felt like crying...which is something I never really do unless completely shit faced. This was different tho. It wasn;t that shit faced "gawd why does my life suck and I love him so much?" crying. This was the happy cry. The wedding cry, shall we say. The cry that says "Omg...I'm going to be living here." Reminder...I didn;t cry in actuality...I just felt like crying.
I took the trolley back downtown. I felt like such a tourist. Btw. I bought a fancy schmancy fanny pack. I know they;re lame, but they;re funny. Why not? A croc. fanny pack...bad ass.
Tomorrow or Thursday I'm supposed to see Drew. He leaves for a month of study in Paris on Sunday. I haven't seen him in a bit over a month and something keeps telling me inside that it should stay that way...for a little longer anyway. Progress is something I acknowledge I have made in this whole quest to rid my heart of him. While I have let go, I can;t help but feel like those feelings will creep back in if I see him now. Last week I was convinved I was done, but now, just being here, I get butterflies thinking about our planned dinner. I get butterflies thinking of his gorgeous face and buff arms. I get butterflies thinking about the intelligent and quickwitted conversations we would have. I get butterflies knowing there will be someone in front of me who cares about me and understands and doesnt judge.I get butterflies thinking about that moment I get to hug the person I care about the most... Ugh ugh ugh. The butterflies arent a good thing.
what to do what to do.
I'm going to another school meeting tonight. Some bizz people wanna go drinking. We shall see.
<3
The business meeting went well. As well as it could go being an assembly of arrogant and egotistical snobs. I will say that half the debate members don't stand a chance against me