pyramids
from dreamer to twisted entwined woman to freedom of thought.
this is the path i have chosen. the path i'm on.
it's good to know i AM doing it right.
these thoughts are uncontained.
i have been struck with the flu for little over a week and the desperation and contamination my body and brain both felt has reinstated a lifeforce i was looking for.
i burned out.
i was doing too much and i couldn't take it. couldnt' do it. coudln't handle it.
i'm still doing too much. even more.
i am scared about falling back into this place, so i need to think about it. was it the fear of doing too much that burned me out? or was it not doing everything i needed that burned me out?
or was it simply that i WAS doign too much that burned me out?
i thrive on being a workaholic, often. in my lifetime, i have been most functional when i was incredibly overworked and overfull and doing a million things at once. i don't honestly know if that was because i was doign what i loved or simply because i was moving too much and too fast to think about the fact i was doing things, and i was simply left with needing to do them.
i don't know how much of this is breaking down because my back is broken or if i fall back on that.
i've lost my train of thought.
time for me-time. tonight. when i get home from work. i have to sit and think about myself. talk to myself. figure out what i want and how i can get it.
actually think about it. i have to wnat these things. i have to work for these things.
no, They won't know how hard i worked this year. my grades will definitely not show how hard i have worked this year. but that is not my goal. i have to make it no longer my goal.
i have to make it no longer my goal to live up to them. or to me. or to anyone.
and to just live.
close your eyes.
imagine you're floating.
imagine the mid-sky sun and the weather heat, the air waving from the rising extremities.
you are stronger than you think you are.
no, you know you are this strong.
start believing.
you DO believe.
start letting yourself have confidence in the fact you Know.
"In order to live with ourselves, we accommodate who we are with who we wish to be. If we are
to know happiness in this short life, we do it without lying to ourselves..."
- Vincalis the Agitator
Holly Lisle's Diplomacy of Wolves
this is the path i have chosen. the path i'm on.
it's good to know i AM doing it right.
these thoughts are uncontained.
i have been struck with the flu for little over a week and the desperation and contamination my body and brain both felt has reinstated a lifeforce i was looking for.
i burned out.
i was doing too much and i couldn't take it. couldnt' do it. coudln't handle it.
i'm still doing too much. even more.
i am scared about falling back into this place, so i need to think about it. was it the fear of doing too much that burned me out? or was it not doing everything i needed that burned me out?
or was it simply that i WAS doign too much that burned me out?
i thrive on being a workaholic, often. in my lifetime, i have been most functional when i was incredibly overworked and overfull and doing a million things at once. i don't honestly know if that was because i was doign what i loved or simply because i was moving too much and too fast to think about the fact i was doing things, and i was simply left with needing to do them.
i don't know how much of this is breaking down because my back is broken or if i fall back on that.
i've lost my train of thought.
time for me-time. tonight. when i get home from work. i have to sit and think about myself. talk to myself. figure out what i want and how i can get it.
actually think about it. i have to wnat these things. i have to work for these things.
no, They won't know how hard i worked this year. my grades will definitely not show how hard i have worked this year. but that is not my goal. i have to make it no longer my goal.
i have to make it no longer my goal to live up to them. or to me. or to anyone.
and to just live.
close your eyes.
imagine you're floating.
imagine the mid-sky sun and the weather heat, the air waving from the rising extremities.
you are stronger than you think you are.
no, you know you are this strong.
start believing.
you DO believe.
start letting yourself have confidence in the fact you Know.
"In order to live with ourselves, we accommodate who we are with who we wish to be. If we are
to know happiness in this short life, we do it without lying to ourselves..."
- Vincalis the Agitator
Holly Lisle's Diplomacy of Wolves