Shoot for the moon...
Well well well...today was so abnormally good! I had a dreadfully long weekend and was really depressed but I all of a sudden felt great today.
Last weekend was hard. I realized that my social anxiety and isolation is completely out of control. I thought a lot about where I am going with all of this, and thought a good deal about getting help now. But in the end I decided that I can't anyway, because I have to finish school (I'm done high school forever in January!!) and besides, I couldn't let myself down like that; I have to at least reach my current goal. I also realized that I really can't recover in outpatient, as I have a severe phobia of meals and even though I've been eating what seems like a tremendous amount over the last week, when I stop to add things up I still can't eat a "normal" amount. So I am just taking it easy the next few days, eating under 600 cals a day and going to the gym, and come Monday, it's time to h a u l a s s !! For the next five weeks, until Christmas, I will be eating around 150 cals a day in yogurt, carrots, and celery. I did this diet last week and the weight came off fast, so I will reach my goal well within time...what I will do then, I do not know, and I prefer not to think about it until I get there. But I know that this is IT, I will be STRONG and will not give in until I get there.
Shoot for the moon...and damnwell land there!
Emily
Last weekend was hard. I realized that my social anxiety and isolation is completely out of control. I thought a lot about where I am going with all of this, and thought a good deal about getting help now. But in the end I decided that I can't anyway, because I have to finish school (I'm done high school forever in January!!) and besides, I couldn't let myself down like that; I have to at least reach my current goal. I also realized that I really can't recover in outpatient, as I have a severe phobia of meals and even though I've been eating what seems like a tremendous amount over the last week, when I stop to add things up I still can't eat a "normal" amount. So I am just taking it easy the next few days, eating under 600 cals a day and going to the gym, and come Monday, it's time to h a u l a s s !! For the next five weeks, until Christmas, I will be eating around 150 cals a day in yogurt, carrots, and celery. I did this diet last week and the weight came off fast, so I will reach my goal well within time...what I will do then, I do not know, and I prefer not to think about it until I get there. But I know that this is IT, I will be STRONG and will not give in until I get there.
Shoot for the moon...and damnwell land there!
Emily