This is all I can say... I have lost my way...
Okay, guys... once again I'm in need of your wise words of advice...
First off, let me just say that this is not definite yet... thus, why I need your help deciding it... I haven't even told my parents I've been considering this, so let's just keep this between us, ok?!
Here it goes...
I've been thinking about entering an exchange program to go and work in the US for 4 months at the end of this year.
... So, why am I considering this?!
Since I'm going back to college this week for my FINAL SEMESTER (gosh! Can't believe it's here!), I've been thinking a lot about what's next - what's my life gonna turn out when college is over.
Right now, I can't really complain... I've got a good job, I like the place, I like the people, the money is pretty good... my parents seem happy enough that I'm earning my own money, doing something I like...
And I'm not gonna lie to you, I've establish a decent routine for myself this past month... I've gone back to taking swimming classes, started dieting for good now (a month without ice cream! Go me!) and I've been feeling pretty good with myself lately... healthy, you know...
But even with all that... something is just missing... I mean, I have all reasons to be happy with my life right now... but instead of that, I'm just content. And as for my future prospects, I'm starting to come to terms that I might actually have... NONE.
I have absolutely no idea what I'm gonna do with my life after I graduate! And that is really starting to freak the hell out of me!
In one hand, there's the professional side...
As much as I like my current job, it's not my ideal career goal. I'm soon to be a graduated graphic designer and I've spent the last 11 months working on a web marketing agency, doing pretty much the same robotic activities every single day! I get there, I wait to learn what my assignments will be, I check the material, read what the briefing is asking, sit down and do it. That's my glamorous job...
Yes, I do get to work on Photoshop and do a bunch of different things with it... but I'm not aloud to really "create" anything. The source materials and posters are already done... all I can do it's re-assemble them to fit the banners sizes... and that is so incredibly frustrating!
I mean... the reason I've changed colleges and majors and why I chose to become a graphic designer is because I love creating things.
I love taking an ordinary picture and turning it into something artistic looking... I love coloring and effects and textures... but the best thing for me is putting my vision and my perspective on a piece - be an image, a montage, even video - and have people go "wow! That's great!"
So you see... I don't love web graphics! I don't know how make proper web graphics! So why the hell am I looking forward to being officially hired there?! The money?! The steady routine?! WHAT????
But on the negative side... as much as I like doing what I know how to do with graphics... how the hell can I make this work for me professionally?! What other job could I possibly get?
I spent a freakin' year looking for internships before I got the one I'm at... and interview after interview, I never saw myself in any of those other places! And looking back, I've never actually been sought out by any graphic design agency - never! So apparently my work is not good enough for my own professional area of expertise...
So what am I good at?! Is not "creative design", it's not "advertising graphics"... what then?!
Fixing images?! I only know half of what I should to fit in that area...
Photo montages?! Manipulations?! Where the heck does my work fit it?!!!
Hell... WHERE DO I FIT IN???!!!!
I wanna make poster and cover art and design promotional material...
WHY CAN'T ANYONE TELL ME WHERE THE HELL I CAN FIND THIS IN THIS STINKING COUNTRY OF MINE??!!!
Am I gonna have to face the fact that to get to do what I want, I'll have to live with years of unhappy employment, settling for a job I know I'm not good enough for, just so I can get the money to leave here?! Is that it?!
...
And when it comes to my regular life... I basically have no life!
I'm about to graduate from college at 23... which is a bit old for the usual standards... I don't regret changing colleges and I really didn't mind missing out on a couple years for it...
Now that the reality is I'll only have a real diploma at 24, I'm starting to realize how much this 2 lost years have become a extra weight on my shoulders.
What I mean is... I'm 23 years old, I'm getting older too fast... I am lost and I'm starting to turn into a neurotic freak!
I only have a handful of friends, who I barely see... I rarely go out on my own...
Never dated, never had a boyfriend... mainly because I'm haunted by the "girl next door syndrome" (meaning, I'm fat, nerdy, socially awkward and too "closed up" to be considered a "proper" girl by any member of the male species)...
I keep finding myself home every single weekend, alone in my room, bored out my brains... and I am sick of it!
I feel stuck! Stuck in a job I don't really love... in a place where I can't move on, doing the exact same things, every single day... over and over...
I just... I need to break out!
More than that, I feel like a need a shock... something that is going to force me to put things together... help me grow up and escape from all the career drama and family obligations...
...
I know, it all sounds pretty radical... but I've got this feeling in my gut that if I don't do this now, I may never do it - either because I'll be too chicken to risk it or because I'll be even deeper inside this bubble of a life I lead that I won't get the chance to experience it.
But don't get me wrong... there are CONS against all this...
For starters, if I do this, I'll pretty much e spending all my savings at once... so, no more books and dvds, and probably no more Comic Con next year...
Second... it's 4 months on my own, working on something I've never done, in a different country, away from everything that is comfortable in my life...
I'll miss Christmas, New Year's and my birthday with my family... and I'll miss my own graduating ceremony...
And last... I will have to quit my job until November...
...
So that's it!
I really... REALLY need you guys and your wise words right now... cuz I really don't know what to do...
Should I give it a chance and just go?! Should I keep it together, stay here and try something else? What do you think?!
=(
First off, let me just say that this is not definite yet... thus, why I need your help deciding it... I haven't even told my parents I've been considering this, so let's just keep this between us, ok?!
Here it goes...
I've been thinking about entering an exchange program to go and work in the US for 4 months at the end of this year.
... So, why am I considering this?!
Since I'm going back to college this week for my FINAL SEMESTER (gosh! Can't believe it's here!), I've been thinking a lot about what's next - what's my life gonna turn out when college is over.
Right now, I can't really complain... I've got a good job, I like the place, I like the people, the money is pretty good... my parents seem happy enough that I'm earning my own money, doing something I like...
And I'm not gonna lie to you, I've establish a decent routine for myself this past month... I've gone back to taking swimming classes, started dieting for good now (a month without ice cream! Go me!) and I've been feeling pretty good with myself lately... healthy, you know...
But even with all that... something is just missing... I mean, I have all reasons to be happy with my life right now... but instead of that, I'm just content. And as for my future prospects, I'm starting to come to terms that I might actually have... NONE.
I have absolutely no idea what I'm gonna do with my life after I graduate! And that is really starting to freak the hell out of me!
In one hand, there's the professional side...
As much as I like my current job, it's not my ideal career goal. I'm soon to be a graduated graphic designer and I've spent the last 11 months working on a web marketing agency, doing pretty much the same robotic activities every single day! I get there, I wait to learn what my assignments will be, I check the material, read what the briefing is asking, sit down and do it. That's my glamorous job...
Yes, I do get to work on Photoshop and do a bunch of different things with it... but I'm not aloud to really "create" anything. The source materials and posters are already done... all I can do it's re-assemble them to fit the banners sizes... and that is so incredibly frustrating!
I mean... the reason I've changed colleges and majors and why I chose to become a graphic designer is because I love creating things.
I love taking an ordinary picture and turning it into something artistic looking... I love coloring and effects and textures... but the best thing for me is putting my vision and my perspective on a piece - be an image, a montage, even video - and have people go "wow! That's great!"
So you see... I don't love web graphics! I don't know how make proper web graphics! So why the hell am I looking forward to being officially hired there?! The money?! The steady routine?! WHAT????
But on the negative side... as much as I like doing what I know how to do with graphics... how the hell can I make this work for me professionally?! What other job could I possibly get?
I spent a freakin' year looking for internships before I got the one I'm at... and interview after interview, I never saw myself in any of those other places! And looking back, I've never actually been sought out by any graphic design agency - never! So apparently my work is not good enough for my own professional area of expertise...
So what am I good at?! Is not "creative design", it's not "advertising graphics"... what then?!
Fixing images?! I only know half of what I should to fit in that area...
Photo montages?! Manipulations?! Where the heck does my work fit it?!!!
Hell... WHERE DO I FIT IN???!!!!
I wanna make poster and cover art and design promotional material...
WHY CAN'T ANYONE TELL ME WHERE THE HELL I CAN FIND THIS IN THIS STINKING COUNTRY OF MINE??!!!
Am I gonna have to face the fact that to get to do what I want, I'll have to live with years of unhappy employment, settling for a job I know I'm not good enough for, just so I can get the money to leave here?! Is that it?!
...
And when it comes to my regular life... I basically have no life!
I'm about to graduate from college at 23... which is a bit old for the usual standards... I don't regret changing colleges and I really didn't mind missing out on a couple years for it...
Now that the reality is I'll only have a real diploma at 24, I'm starting to realize how much this 2 lost years have become a extra weight on my shoulders.
What I mean is... I'm 23 years old, I'm getting older too fast... I am lost and I'm starting to turn into a neurotic freak!
I only have a handful of friends, who I barely see... I rarely go out on my own...
Never dated, never had a boyfriend... mainly because I'm haunted by the "girl next door syndrome" (meaning, I'm fat, nerdy, socially awkward and too "closed up" to be considered a "proper" girl by any member of the male species)...
I keep finding myself home every single weekend, alone in my room, bored out my brains... and I am sick of it!
I feel stuck! Stuck in a job I don't really love... in a place where I can't move on, doing the exact same things, every single day... over and over...
I just... I need to break out!
More than that, I feel like a need a shock... something that is going to force me to put things together... help me grow up and escape from all the career drama and family obligations...
...
I know, it all sounds pretty radical... but I've got this feeling in my gut that if I don't do this now, I may never do it - either because I'll be too chicken to risk it or because I'll be even deeper inside this bubble of a life I lead that I won't get the chance to experience it.
But don't get me wrong... there are CONS against all this...
For starters, if I do this, I'll pretty much e spending all my savings at once... so, no more books and dvds, and probably no more Comic Con next year...
Second... it's 4 months on my own, working on something I've never done, in a different country, away from everything that is comfortable in my life...
I'll miss Christmas, New Year's and my birthday with my family... and I'll miss my own graduating ceremony...
And last... I will have to quit my job until November...
...
So that's it!
I really... REALLY need you guys and your wise words right now... cuz I really don't know what to do...
Should I give it a chance and just go?! Should I keep it together, stay here and try something else? What do you think?!
=(