Stoic
Title : Stoic
Author : an_jung
Beta : ivenclaire
Original at : arashiawards for JunBa/OhBa Exchange. For ica_90
Pairing : Matsumoto Jun - Aiba Masaki (JUNBA)
Genre : Romance, fluff, canon
Aiba’s POV
I always fall in love… with him. He is my one and only, he is my last. And he is mine. Right now we’re officially dating. It has already been 2 years since we started dating. And this month will be the 6th month since he gave me a ring and shouted to the whole world that I am his.
I was walking in the corridor of our apartment. Oh, did I already tell you that we are living together too? So here I am, waiting for the elevator to open.
This morning I woke up without him beside me. I know that he is busy nowadays, especially that our album and concerts are on their way. We are in the middle of our concerts and we are really busy nowadays. I understand that, but it’s been the longest that I wake up without him by my side. It has already been 5 days straight!
I went straight to the parking lot and drove my car to our jimusho where we will be having our practice for our winter concert. It took me 30 minutes to get there. I rushed to the practice room and luckily, they haven’t started the rehearsals yet.
“Oy! Aiba! Why did you show up just now?” Nino asked me.
“Didn’t we agree that rehearsals will begin at 10 am? It’s still 9:55 right now so I’m not late.” I defended myself.
“That’s not what I meant. What I’m saying is, why didn’t you show up with J earlier?” Nino asked as I sat down beside him, leaning onto the glass wall.
“I want to know myself, Nino. Why he left me so early in the morning.”
I want to consult this matter with my bestfriend. Maybe he knows something. But before I could ask him again, our coach arrived and we started our rehearsal. I think this is my unlucky day. Just when I was about to stand up, I tripped on my own shoelaces, making me fall on my face. I hissed out in pain and I tried to stand up. I don’t want to be a laughingstock, even if it’s only within Arashi.
I see a hand stretched out to help me. It was his hand. I took his hand and stood up straight.
“Arigatou.”
“Clumsy, how can a person trip on his own shoelaces?” He had his stoic face as he helped me.
Yeah, you now probably understand after I said ‘stoic’. Yeah, my boyfriend is Matsumoto Jun. If you think that his stoicism is only for image, then I’ll tell you you’re wrong. Even with me, his own boyfriend, he is really stoic. I don’t doubt his love for me, never, but how can he be so stoic even with his own boyfriend?
When we were rehearsing for our concert, the coach scolded me a few times, but Jun didn’t help me nor did he defend me. He just looked at me through the mirror. Maybe it’s to make me feel safe? Or he just wanted to check if I’m crying? Who knows?
At first, because we have been friends for a very long time, I know that his stoicism is something that will never change. And from being his friend, I knew the risks of it. Him snapping, glaring, I knew that from the start. However, everything changed when he suddenly bluntly said that he loves me. That time I was not sure if I love him or not, but I decided to give us a chance. So, our days as a couple began.
“Jun, where will you go after this?” I asked him as we were changing our clothes.
“I need to meet with some staff to do some changes in the concert. There are some things that I want to take out and add for the next venue, Tokyo Dome. You don’t have any other job after this, right? Then you can go home. Ja ne.” was his fast response. He quickly changed his clothes and went out of our groom room.
I can only sigh as I watch his back retreating. Let me just say that I understand. I am not disappointed. I just feel uneasy. But it’s fine, I’d rather go out with my friends and drink than do nothing at home.
With that, I called some of my friends and we agreed to meet in our usual bar. So, that night, I went out to drink with my friends. Before I realized it, I have already spent 3 hours drinking and I forgot to call Jun. I was still pretty much sober. I wasn’t that drunk because most of time, instead of drinking, me and my friends only talked. I took my phone out to call Jun. I know he’ll be angry if he doesn’t find me at home. But before I can call him, someone snatched my phone. When I looked up, I found Jun in front of me. He still had his stoic face on if you care to ask.
“Ju-Jun!” I stammered at seeing his face.
“What are you doing here?” I was dumbfounded and I couldn’t think straight.
Jun grabbed my hand and made me stand up. “It’s me who should be asking that. What are you doing here?”
“Drinking of course, this is a bar after all. What would I be doing here if I’m not drinking? Baka ka?!”
“As far as I can remember, I told you to go home first. And where did I find you? Here! Drinking with other men!”
I lost my temper and I freed my hand from his grip. “Then what?! Did you expect me to stay at home and do nothing?! Why not hang out with my friends?!” I was relieved that we were in a private room so we weren’t attracting any attention.
“Then why didn’t you tell me from the start? And why didn’t you call me?”
I took a deep breath before answering him. “What?! I forgot to call you okay?! And you’re the one to talk! You left me behind without saying anything, you’re just ordering me around!”
“You forgot to call me? Ha! What a convenient excuse!”
I’ve had enough. I don’t want this to continue. “Jun, listen to me. I know it’s my fault for not telling you. You have the right to be mad at me. But I don’t like it when you’re like this. Ordering me around every time. Let me tell you, I am your lover, Jun, not your housekeeper. I’m not your slave. I can’t stay at home all the time. I have my own life. Being your lover doesn’t mean you get to decide how I live my life. You are part of my life, but not all of it revolves around you.”
Jun looked surprised, but his face told me that he is sad. He’s not annoyed nor angry, he was genuinely sad, and now I feel guilty. “Wakatta. Gomen. Gomen ne, Masaki.” and then Jun left.
In the end, I couldn’t drink at all. Jun’s sad face still lingered in my mind. I took my bag and headed home. Thanks to Jun, I am completely sober now.
When I entered our shared apartment, I found that all lights were off. So I went straight to our room. I found Jun lying on our bed. Maybe he’s already in a deep sleep, I couldn’t really tell since I can’t really see his face. I changed my clothes to more comfortable ones and lay beside him. I snuggled closer to Jun and hugged him from the back. I know, maybe in the morning, my hug will loosen but let me just stay like this for now. I breathed in his sweet smell from behind, and I know, this will make me drift to sleep.
I opened my eyes when I heard my alarm ringing. I stopped it and started to try to wake myself. My hand searched for Jun’s presence, and I’m right, he wasn’t there. I sighed, knowing that the number of mornings that I woke up without him by my side was just added with another one.
I washed my face and brushed my teeth. Still in my sleepwear, I went out to get a drink from the kitchen. But then I found a cup of warm coffee in the pantry. There was a note beside it. I took it.
Good Morning Masaki.
Sorry for leaving you. I have a sudden meeting. I made you coffee. If it’s already cold, I’m sorry.
I hope you will have a great day…
Sorry for last night. Love you!
Jun.
I took the cup, smelled the roast scent of the coffee beans. I smiled. I knew Jun tried hard in making this coffee for me. I sipped it slowly, letting the bitter taste - just as Jun likes it - go down my throat.
I got ready to go to work. Today’s our first day of concert in Tokyo Dome. My excitement was up again. I hope this day will end good.
As I expected, the concert went good. What isn’t good is I can’t go home with Jun. We could only interact in the waiting room and on the stage, because right after the concert, Jun would disappear to do another meeting with the staff.
I took a can of beer from the refrigerator and brought it to the bathroom. I entered the bathtub and just let my body feel the water around me. I felt my muscles got a little relieved. I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of the water release my fatigue, my soreness. Suddenly, I felt something move in the water. I snapped my eyes open and I saw Jun, naked and entering the bathtub.
“Jun!”
“Hey, I want to join you. I can, can’t I?”
“Sure,” I shifted my position so he can join me. But instead of sitting in front of me, Jun sat behind me. So basically, I was sitting in between his legs. Then Jun wrapped his arms around me from behind.
“Isn’t this very peaceful? There’s only you and me.” Jun took the soap and started to scrub my back.
“Yeah. It’s unusual for you to come and join me in the bath,”
“But I can, can’t I?”
I splashed water at him and giggled. “Of course you can. You’re always welcome.”
I felt Jun’s hand stop scrubbing my back and now he was starting to wash my tummy. “You know, Masaki, I’ve actually wanted to do this the very first time you invited me.”
“Then why didn’t you accept my offer that time? If I got rejected, I couldn’t invite you for the second time.”
“Well, that’s the thing that I want to talk with you right now.” Jun’s tone suddenly got serious. I stopped his hand and turned to look at him.
“Now, tell me. Tell me everything. Open up to me. I am your lover. I want to know your problems, your concerns.”
Jun took a deep breath, “Gomen ne, Masaki. I know you feel like I’ve neglected you these past days. I know that you don’t like it when I don’t give you attention, and I know that when I’m being jealous. So I am saying sorry.”
I lifted my hand and touched his face and I smiled. "Yeah, I don’t really like waking up without you beside me. I was really pissed, but your coffee this morning was pretty good that’s why I wasn’t mad at you in the concert. And I know you try to give me attention in your own way, being over protective and being jealous are just a few of them. It’s your own way of showing me that you love me.”
Jun circled his arms around my neck. “You know that I am a stoic person. I worried about what people say about me. You know I can’t give you the same attention Nino gives to Ohno. I can’t run to you and hug you in the middle of rehearsals. It’s not because I don’t care or I don’t love you. You know that I can’t show it in public. I can’t show my feelings well. I’m actually scared that you’ll turn away from me because of that. But you’re still here, so let me just say this to you,”
“Let me tell you first, Jun. I’ve known since we were Juniors and now we’re in the same group. I know you so much and I accept it, I accept your stoicism. If not, I wouldn’t have accepted your proposal in the first place.”
Suddenly, Jun smirked and pulled me towards him that I ended up in his embrace. “Ja, don’t get angry if I will still do that to you from now onwards.”
I leaned my head on his shoulder. “Hai!!!!!”
Jun lifted my chin and smiled to me. “You know that I love you, right?” I can only nod because before I could reply to him, he cupped my chin and kissed me right on the lips. We shared a passionate kiss, passionate but still really sweet. He withdrew from me when he realized that I needed to breathe. But still, the gap between our lips was almost non-existent. “Thank you for loving me, Jun.” “Thank you for staying beside me, Masaki.” After that we shared a few more kisses until we felt the water turn cold.
I know that we are not a perfect couple. But right from the start I accepted him just the way he is. If I were to turn him down I would have done that 2 years ago. But I am still here, with him, despite his lack of attention and his stoicism. We always try to understand each other. But we know that even if we are a couple, I am still Aiba and he is still Matsumoto. And we will accept each other. Because I know that we will spend more years together than we will spend with others.
END
[notes]
Finnaly post on my own journal...
I'll be back...
i hope soon...
until then, see you...
Thank you for reading
Author : an_jung
Beta : ivenclaire
Original at : arashiawards for JunBa/OhBa Exchange. For ica_90
Pairing : Matsumoto Jun - Aiba Masaki (JUNBA)
Genre : Romance, fluff, canon
Aiba’s POV
I always fall in love… with him. He is my one and only, he is my last. And he is mine. Right now we’re officially dating. It has already been 2 years since we started dating. And this month will be the 6th month since he gave me a ring and shouted to the whole world that I am his.
I was walking in the corridor of our apartment. Oh, did I already tell you that we are living together too? So here I am, waiting for the elevator to open.
This morning I woke up without him beside me. I know that he is busy nowadays, especially that our album and concerts are on their way. We are in the middle of our concerts and we are really busy nowadays. I understand that, but it’s been the longest that I wake up without him by my side. It has already been 5 days straight!
I went straight to the parking lot and drove my car to our jimusho where we will be having our practice for our winter concert. It took me 30 minutes to get there. I rushed to the practice room and luckily, they haven’t started the rehearsals yet.
“Oy! Aiba! Why did you show up just now?” Nino asked me.
“Didn’t we agree that rehearsals will begin at 10 am? It’s still 9:55 right now so I’m not late.” I defended myself.
“That’s not what I meant. What I’m saying is, why didn’t you show up with J earlier?” Nino asked as I sat down beside him, leaning onto the glass wall.
“I want to know myself, Nino. Why he left me so early in the morning.”
I want to consult this matter with my bestfriend. Maybe he knows something. But before I could ask him again, our coach arrived and we started our rehearsal. I think this is my unlucky day. Just when I was about to stand up, I tripped on my own shoelaces, making me fall on my face. I hissed out in pain and I tried to stand up. I don’t want to be a laughingstock, even if it’s only within Arashi.
I see a hand stretched out to help me. It was his hand. I took his hand and stood up straight.
“Arigatou.”
“Clumsy, how can a person trip on his own shoelaces?” He had his stoic face as he helped me.
Yeah, you now probably understand after I said ‘stoic’. Yeah, my boyfriend is Matsumoto Jun. If you think that his stoicism is only for image, then I’ll tell you you’re wrong. Even with me, his own boyfriend, he is really stoic. I don’t doubt his love for me, never, but how can he be so stoic even with his own boyfriend?
When we were rehearsing for our concert, the coach scolded me a few times, but Jun didn’t help me nor did he defend me. He just looked at me through the mirror. Maybe it’s to make me feel safe? Or he just wanted to check if I’m crying? Who knows?
At first, because we have been friends for a very long time, I know that his stoicism is something that will never change. And from being his friend, I knew the risks of it. Him snapping, glaring, I knew that from the start. However, everything changed when he suddenly bluntly said that he loves me. That time I was not sure if I love him or not, but I decided to give us a chance. So, our days as a couple began.
“Jun, where will you go after this?” I asked him as we were changing our clothes.
“I need to meet with some staff to do some changes in the concert. There are some things that I want to take out and add for the next venue, Tokyo Dome. You don’t have any other job after this, right? Then you can go home. Ja ne.” was his fast response. He quickly changed his clothes and went out of our groom room.
I can only sigh as I watch his back retreating. Let me just say that I understand. I am not disappointed. I just feel uneasy. But it’s fine, I’d rather go out with my friends and drink than do nothing at home.
With that, I called some of my friends and we agreed to meet in our usual bar. So, that night, I went out to drink with my friends. Before I realized it, I have already spent 3 hours drinking and I forgot to call Jun. I was still pretty much sober. I wasn’t that drunk because most of time, instead of drinking, me and my friends only talked. I took my phone out to call Jun. I know he’ll be angry if he doesn’t find me at home. But before I can call him, someone snatched my phone. When I looked up, I found Jun in front of me. He still had his stoic face on if you care to ask.
“Ju-Jun!” I stammered at seeing his face.
“What are you doing here?” I was dumbfounded and I couldn’t think straight.
Jun grabbed my hand and made me stand up. “It’s me who should be asking that. What are you doing here?”
“Drinking of course, this is a bar after all. What would I be doing here if I’m not drinking? Baka ka?!”
“As far as I can remember, I told you to go home first. And where did I find you? Here! Drinking with other men!”
I lost my temper and I freed my hand from his grip. “Then what?! Did you expect me to stay at home and do nothing?! Why not hang out with my friends?!” I was relieved that we were in a private room so we weren’t attracting any attention.
“Then why didn’t you tell me from the start? And why didn’t you call me?”
I took a deep breath before answering him. “What?! I forgot to call you okay?! And you’re the one to talk! You left me behind without saying anything, you’re just ordering me around!”
“You forgot to call me? Ha! What a convenient excuse!”
I’ve had enough. I don’t want this to continue. “Jun, listen to me. I know it’s my fault for not telling you. You have the right to be mad at me. But I don’t like it when you’re like this. Ordering me around every time. Let me tell you, I am your lover, Jun, not your housekeeper. I’m not your slave. I can’t stay at home all the time. I have my own life. Being your lover doesn’t mean you get to decide how I live my life. You are part of my life, but not all of it revolves around you.”
Jun looked surprised, but his face told me that he is sad. He’s not annoyed nor angry, he was genuinely sad, and now I feel guilty. “Wakatta. Gomen. Gomen ne, Masaki.” and then Jun left.
In the end, I couldn’t drink at all. Jun’s sad face still lingered in my mind. I took my bag and headed home. Thanks to Jun, I am completely sober now.
When I entered our shared apartment, I found that all lights were off. So I went straight to our room. I found Jun lying on our bed. Maybe he’s already in a deep sleep, I couldn’t really tell since I can’t really see his face. I changed my clothes to more comfortable ones and lay beside him. I snuggled closer to Jun and hugged him from the back. I know, maybe in the morning, my hug will loosen but let me just stay like this for now. I breathed in his sweet smell from behind, and I know, this will make me drift to sleep.
I opened my eyes when I heard my alarm ringing. I stopped it and started to try to wake myself. My hand searched for Jun’s presence, and I’m right, he wasn’t there. I sighed, knowing that the number of mornings that I woke up without him by my side was just added with another one.
I washed my face and brushed my teeth. Still in my sleepwear, I went out to get a drink from the kitchen. But then I found a cup of warm coffee in the pantry. There was a note beside it. I took it.
Good Morning Masaki.
Sorry for leaving you. I have a sudden meeting. I made you coffee. If it’s already cold, I’m sorry.
I hope you will have a great day…
Sorry for last night. Love you!
Jun.
I took the cup, smelled the roast scent of the coffee beans. I smiled. I knew Jun tried hard in making this coffee for me. I sipped it slowly, letting the bitter taste - just as Jun likes it - go down my throat.
I got ready to go to work. Today’s our first day of concert in Tokyo Dome. My excitement was up again. I hope this day will end good.
As I expected, the concert went good. What isn’t good is I can’t go home with Jun. We could only interact in the waiting room and on the stage, because right after the concert, Jun would disappear to do another meeting with the staff.
I took a can of beer from the refrigerator and brought it to the bathroom. I entered the bathtub and just let my body feel the water around me. I felt my muscles got a little relieved. I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of the water release my fatigue, my soreness. Suddenly, I felt something move in the water. I snapped my eyes open and I saw Jun, naked and entering the bathtub.
“Jun!”
“Hey, I want to join you. I can, can’t I?”
“Sure,” I shifted my position so he can join me. But instead of sitting in front of me, Jun sat behind me. So basically, I was sitting in between his legs. Then Jun wrapped his arms around me from behind.
“Isn’t this very peaceful? There’s only you and me.” Jun took the soap and started to scrub my back.
“Yeah. It’s unusual for you to come and join me in the bath,”
“But I can, can’t I?”
I splashed water at him and giggled. “Of course you can. You’re always welcome.”
I felt Jun’s hand stop scrubbing my back and now he was starting to wash my tummy. “You know, Masaki, I’ve actually wanted to do this the very first time you invited me.”
“Then why didn’t you accept my offer that time? If I got rejected, I couldn’t invite you for the second time.”
“Well, that’s the thing that I want to talk with you right now.” Jun’s tone suddenly got serious. I stopped his hand and turned to look at him.
“Now, tell me. Tell me everything. Open up to me. I am your lover. I want to know your problems, your concerns.”
Jun took a deep breath, “Gomen ne, Masaki. I know you feel like I’ve neglected you these past days. I know that you don’t like it when I don’t give you attention, and I know that when I’m being jealous. So I am saying sorry.”
I lifted my hand and touched his face and I smiled. "Yeah, I don’t really like waking up without you beside me. I was really pissed, but your coffee this morning was pretty good that’s why I wasn’t mad at you in the concert. And I know you try to give me attention in your own way, being over protective and being jealous are just a few of them. It’s your own way of showing me that you love me.”
Jun circled his arms around my neck. “You know that I am a stoic person. I worried about what people say about me. You know I can’t give you the same attention Nino gives to Ohno. I can’t run to you and hug you in the middle of rehearsals. It’s not because I don’t care or I don’t love you. You know that I can’t show it in public. I can’t show my feelings well. I’m actually scared that you’ll turn away from me because of that. But you’re still here, so let me just say this to you,”
“Let me tell you first, Jun. I’ve known since we were Juniors and now we’re in the same group. I know you so much and I accept it, I accept your stoicism. If not, I wouldn’t have accepted your proposal in the first place.”
Suddenly, Jun smirked and pulled me towards him that I ended up in his embrace. “Ja, don’t get angry if I will still do that to you from now onwards.”
I leaned my head on his shoulder. “Hai!!!!!”
Jun lifted my chin and smiled to me. “You know that I love you, right?” I can only nod because before I could reply to him, he cupped my chin and kissed me right on the lips. We shared a passionate kiss, passionate but still really sweet. He withdrew from me when he realized that I needed to breathe. But still, the gap between our lips was almost non-existent. “Thank you for loving me, Jun.” “Thank you for staying beside me, Masaki.” After that we shared a few more kisses until we felt the water turn cold.
I know that we are not a perfect couple. But right from the start I accepted him just the way he is. If I were to turn him down I would have done that 2 years ago. But I am still here, with him, despite his lack of attention and his stoicism. We always try to understand each other. But we know that even if we are a couple, I am still Aiba and he is still Matsumoto. And we will accept each other. Because I know that we will spend more years together than we will spend with others.
END
[notes]
Finnaly post on my own journal...
I'll be back...
i hope soon...
until then, see you...
Thank you for reading