Summer
I have no idea why I am updating I never really do all because I'm afraid of what people will say to my actual thoughts deep down but here goes nothing
This summer has been full of let downs. I used to have a great group of friends who would call me and ask to hang out or go to a bonfire or theme park or movies you get the idea but thats not the case this year. Christ I will read away messages on aim and see people doing things that I am usually invited and it pains me inside to see the people whom I once cared for deeply can just brush me off their shoulder like an annoying fly. The funny thing is I have seen these people almost every day during school and we would have a blast but come summer never a peep and come the next school year we slowly become more and more distant. I'm starting to sound like Steve but I guess we have something in common after all.
This summer has also filled me with a lot of paranoia and confusion, those are the bifecta from hell to me. In the middle of July I started to like a girl whom I thought was a long lost relative, we have so much in common and every time I talk to her I feel happy because she makes an effort to talk to me even when a conversation goes cold. She is just full of fun and happiness even when she is in a bad mood she tries not to make the people around her miserable even if she had the worst day of her life. There need to be more people like her in this world. Just talking to her can make my day that much better but lately I don't know how she really feels about me this is where the confusion and paranoia come into play I hate no knowing what people really think and I guess I just don't have the balls to ask. I always tell myself "all in good time" but I think that time is running out, I just like to know for sure so I don't make an ass out of myself. Why are there so many complications in this damn world I shouldn't be going through this I'm only fucking 16 but I never cease to amaze myself of some situations I get myself into =\
On a good note band camp is coming up within the next few days and I am super pumped. Even though two of the more fun counselors will not be coming up but one was unfairly fired and the other is having great troubles with his family all I can say is keep Palko and His sister in your prayers for she is going through rough times. But I have this feeling that this will be the best band season I have experienced because I am no longer new I have experienced everything from camp to playing all the way to the state championship last year. When it comes to band I really want to be the person who people look at and will follow my example on things wither its playing, marching, leading even I want the responsibility. But where there is responsibility there is someone who wants it over you and try to take it away from you. Last year I was a dick I would yell, be pissy, and even make an idiot of myself just to better the band. The immaturity levels of some people on the drum line exceed to amaze me. And to top it off THEY want me to respect them for being complete retards and they even want to lead me. Hell no I can understand if they want me to respect their senior wishes but if they expect to lead an entire line with the maturity they have its going to be a train crash. I guess I am looking to better myself as a musician (because I really want to this in college) and as a leader. Mr. White was telling me of a system they used back in the day that was based on rank (private, lieutenant, commander, etc.)and the way they got it was how they played and how they acted I think I should be given that responsibility last yeah I was the "unofficial" co drum line leader I want that to be for real I have worked I have put my heart into this program I want a little recognition, I have always been the follower I want to be the one that leads and people listen to me for once.I want people to look at me with respect and I can show them how to really be a kickass line this year.
Well its about 2 am and I have a massive headache so I think I will sleep now
take it easy
This summer has been full of let downs. I used to have a great group of friends who would call me and ask to hang out or go to a bonfire or theme park or movies you get the idea but thats not the case this year. Christ I will read away messages on aim and see people doing things that I am usually invited and it pains me inside to see the people whom I once cared for deeply can just brush me off their shoulder like an annoying fly. The funny thing is I have seen these people almost every day during school and we would have a blast but come summer never a peep and come the next school year we slowly become more and more distant. I'm starting to sound like Steve but I guess we have something in common after all.
This summer has also filled me with a lot of paranoia and confusion, those are the bifecta from hell to me. In the middle of July I started to like a girl whom I thought was a long lost relative, we have so much in common and every time I talk to her I feel happy because she makes an effort to talk to me even when a conversation goes cold. She is just full of fun and happiness even when she is in a bad mood she tries not to make the people around her miserable even if she had the worst day of her life. There need to be more people like her in this world. Just talking to her can make my day that much better but lately I don't know how she really feels about me this is where the confusion and paranoia come into play I hate no knowing what people really think and I guess I just don't have the balls to ask. I always tell myself "all in good time" but I think that time is running out, I just like to know for sure so I don't make an ass out of myself. Why are there so many complications in this damn world I shouldn't be going through this I'm only fucking 16 but I never cease to amaze myself of some situations I get myself into =\
On a good note band camp is coming up within the next few days and I am super pumped. Even though two of the more fun counselors will not be coming up but one was unfairly fired and the other is having great troubles with his family all I can say is keep Palko and His sister in your prayers for she is going through rough times. But I have this feeling that this will be the best band season I have experienced because I am no longer new I have experienced everything from camp to playing all the way to the state championship last year. When it comes to band I really want to be the person who people look at and will follow my example on things wither its playing, marching, leading even I want the responsibility. But where there is responsibility there is someone who wants it over you and try to take it away from you. Last year I was a dick I would yell, be pissy, and even make an idiot of myself just to better the band. The immaturity levels of some people on the drum line exceed to amaze me. And to top it off THEY want me to respect them for being complete retards and they even want to lead me. Hell no I can understand if they want me to respect their senior wishes but if they expect to lead an entire line with the maturity they have its going to be a train crash. I guess I am looking to better myself as a musician (because I really want to this in college) and as a leader. Mr. White was telling me of a system they used back in the day that was based on rank (private, lieutenant, commander, etc.)and the way they got it was how they played and how they acted I think I should be given that responsibility last yeah I was the "unofficial" co drum line leader I want that to be for real I have worked I have put my heart into this program I want a little recognition, I have always been the follower I want to be the one that leads and people listen to me for once.I want people to look at me with respect and I can show them how to really be a kickass line this year.
Well its about 2 am and I have a massive headache so I think I will sleep now
take it easy