Forced to bend my soul to a sordid role; victimized by bitter, bitter circumstance.
Enoungh, enough of being basely tearful! I'll show my noble stuff by being bright and cheerful!
Sounds like a good philosophy to me, Cunegonde. Oh geeze. Just the word "philosophy" is enough to get me started singing another Cheno song. As it is, this first one has been stuck in my head all day. And seeing as it's an extremely high Barbara Cook/Kristin Chenoweth soprano, I cannot sing it for the life of me. And what's the good of the Song-In-My-Head complex if you can't even sing it?
Meh. What's happened since I last posted? Alex came over yesterday and we had a Bake-A-Palooza, mass producing cookies and fudge and stuff, and dancing around the kitchen with/serenading the ingredients (I swear to God it made the final product taste better!). Then we laid under the Christmas tree for a half an hour and laughed so hard that the tree shook and started pelting us with falling ornaments. It was super fun, and when she left I spent the next two hours cleaning the kitchen (which I never do) and singing at the top of my lungs (which I always do). Then today I packed up all the little goodies in separate bags and put them into some pretty candy-cane coloured boxes and toted them to school in a plastic bag to give to the teachers. They all seemed happy for the sugar donation, all except Mrs. Arkle, who never actually got hers because Alex decided she didn't want to give it up, and we ate most of it instead. We forgot to warn Mills (and I forgot to warn Mrs. Martinez) that there was fudge in the box, so by the time they got home it was probably fudge soup, but whatever. I emailed Mills about it and told her to put it in the fridge, but I don't care enough about Martinez to look up her email address. :-P
Mills' class gave me a serious case of Grey's withdrawal today. When I walked into the classroom and set down my books, I looked at the agenda board like a good student, and what did it say? "Macbeth McTest." I spent about two minutes going, "McTest? Seriously?" until I realized that it was actually "Macbeth MC Test", with the 'MC' standing for Multiple Choice. I laughed at myself and told her what I thought it'd said, and I was like, "A little overboard with the Grey's Anatomy?" and she said "seriously", which made me laugh again because I don't think she realized she said it. Anyway, then these students came in and delivered some Ziplocs full of tamales, which she'd apparently ordered for us, and I was hungry so I decided to try my first tamale. I've been making the things for a while with my mother, but I never actually tried them because for some reason I had this feeling I didn't like them (maybe I tried them when I was little and didn't like them, or something). It was pork, so I was a little hesitant, but it was realy good, so I ate it on the way out of class and saved half for Alex and Moxley to nibble on (completely forgetting until after they'd eaten it that Moxley is Jewish and shouldn't eat pork. Needless to say, I felt terrible).
No, so then I got into Euro, where Stefani and I had a conversation I've been thinking about. She said she was reading this philosophy book, she couldn't remember what called or who by, about that little voice in the back of your head. The author of the book was arguing that the inner voice wasn't really your thoughts, because if it was you, then who was listening to it? I understand the concept to some extent, that the little voice might actually be what society's taught you to think and feel, trying to show you what it is normal to think but not really expressing your true feelings on the subject. (Bear with me, I know this is confusing and I'm terrible about explaining things, but think about it for a sec). So I understand the theory, and I guess I agree with it to some extent, but that's just what's troubling me: to what extent is it true? By her [the author's] logic, if you put a murderer on trial, he could certifiably claim that the murder was not his fault seeing as the little voice in his head was not truly him--it was installed and shaped by society and therefore the blame should be shifted to society. But is that really true? Is society to blame for all murders? Given, it does contribute to the twistiness of some people's minds, like those that are victims of abuse and trauma, but are some murderers and other criminals just born with the will to commit a crime? Or is the human race really collectively responsible behind every crime? I don't think so, I think it is the responsibility of the individual to differentiate between right and wrong, but it makes you wonder: do you really trust that little voice in your head? It tries to keep you grounded, but sometimes it holds you back from doing what you know you can do by instilling doubt in yourself, as it's been doing for me recently. I'd like to think it's not myself saying "You can't do this, you can't do this", but if it's not, who is it? Certainly not society. My own personal society has been nothing but encouraging. Is it the whole Jekyll and Hyde split personality deal? Like I've got one persona who's confident and one who is not? I don't know. I'm thinking too much about this. Ignore the previous paragraph, I'm certain it makes no sense to anyone else.
Anyway, I certainly got an ego boost today. This kid in my Theater class decided to stop by and watch Andy and I rehearse our scene in Theater, and although he had a lot of criticisms for my poor partner (he got slammed. Geeze), he told me I was doing perfect. We ended up doing the scene for real today too, and although I froze up a bit actually being onstage (lowered my volume, less emotion in my voice, etc. etc.), I still got an A on the project along with some praise both from Donia and the kid who'd watched earlier. Finally! Done with the scene from hell! And I can just relax for the rest of the week...:)
Sounds like a good philosophy to me, Cunegonde. Oh geeze. Just the word "philosophy" is enough to get me started singing another Cheno song. As it is, this first one has been stuck in my head all day. And seeing as it's an extremely high Barbara Cook/Kristin Chenoweth soprano, I cannot sing it for the life of me. And what's the good of the Song-In-My-Head complex if you can't even sing it?
Meh. What's happened since I last posted? Alex came over yesterday and we had a Bake-A-Palooza, mass producing cookies and fudge and stuff, and dancing around the kitchen with/serenading the ingredients (I swear to God it made the final product taste better!). Then we laid under the Christmas tree for a half an hour and laughed so hard that the tree shook and started pelting us with falling ornaments. It was super fun, and when she left I spent the next two hours cleaning the kitchen (which I never do) and singing at the top of my lungs (which I always do). Then today I packed up all the little goodies in separate bags and put them into some pretty candy-cane coloured boxes and toted them to school in a plastic bag to give to the teachers. They all seemed happy for the sugar donation, all except Mrs. Arkle, who never actually got hers because Alex decided she didn't want to give it up, and we ate most of it instead. We forgot to warn Mills (and I forgot to warn Mrs. Martinez) that there was fudge in the box, so by the time they got home it was probably fudge soup, but whatever. I emailed Mills about it and told her to put it in the fridge, but I don't care enough about Martinez to look up her email address. :-P
Mills' class gave me a serious case of Grey's withdrawal today. When I walked into the classroom and set down my books, I looked at the agenda board like a good student, and what did it say? "Macbeth McTest." I spent about two minutes going, "McTest? Seriously?" until I realized that it was actually "Macbeth MC Test", with the 'MC' standing for Multiple Choice. I laughed at myself and told her what I thought it'd said, and I was like, "A little overboard with the Grey's Anatomy?" and she said "seriously", which made me laugh again because I don't think she realized she said it. Anyway, then these students came in and delivered some Ziplocs full of tamales, which she'd apparently ordered for us, and I was hungry so I decided to try my first tamale. I've been making the things for a while with my mother, but I never actually tried them because for some reason I had this feeling I didn't like them (maybe I tried them when I was little and didn't like them, or something). It was pork, so I was a little hesitant, but it was realy good, so I ate it on the way out of class and saved half for Alex and Moxley to nibble on (completely forgetting until after they'd eaten it that Moxley is Jewish and shouldn't eat pork. Needless to say, I felt terrible).
No, so then I got into Euro, where Stefani and I had a conversation I've been thinking about. She said she was reading this philosophy book, she couldn't remember what called or who by, about that little voice in the back of your head. The author of the book was arguing that the inner voice wasn't really your thoughts, because if it was you, then who was listening to it? I understand the concept to some extent, that the little voice might actually be what society's taught you to think and feel, trying to show you what it is normal to think but not really expressing your true feelings on the subject. (Bear with me, I know this is confusing and I'm terrible about explaining things, but think about it for a sec). So I understand the theory, and I guess I agree with it to some extent, but that's just what's troubling me: to what extent is it true? By her [the author's] logic, if you put a murderer on trial, he could certifiably claim that the murder was not his fault seeing as the little voice in his head was not truly him--it was installed and shaped by society and therefore the blame should be shifted to society. But is that really true? Is society to blame for all murders? Given, it does contribute to the twistiness of some people's minds, like those that are victims of abuse and trauma, but are some murderers and other criminals just born with the will to commit a crime? Or is the human race really collectively responsible behind every crime? I don't think so, I think it is the responsibility of the individual to differentiate between right and wrong, but it makes you wonder: do you really trust that little voice in your head? It tries to keep you grounded, but sometimes it holds you back from doing what you know you can do by instilling doubt in yourself, as it's been doing for me recently. I'd like to think it's not myself saying "You can't do this, you can't do this", but if it's not, who is it? Certainly not society. My own personal society has been nothing but encouraging. Is it the whole Jekyll and Hyde split personality deal? Like I've got one persona who's confident and one who is not? I don't know. I'm thinking too much about this. Ignore the previous paragraph, I'm certain it makes no sense to anyone else.
Anyway, I certainly got an ego boost today. This kid in my Theater class decided to stop by and watch Andy and I rehearse our scene in Theater, and although he had a lot of criticisms for my poor partner (he got slammed. Geeze), he told me I was doing perfect. We ended up doing the scene for real today too, and although I froze up a bit actually being onstage (lowered my volume, less emotion in my voice, etc. etc.), I still got an A on the project along with some praise both from Donia and the kid who'd watched earlier. Finally! Done with the scene from hell! And I can just relax for the rest of the week...:)