"Sevenfold" Green: Wrath

[an_ardent_rain]

Yugioh "Sevenfold" next bit
Seto/AnzuHe wrote his name on the blackboard in smooth, deadly strokes - as though he had an assassin’s hand

Comments

[the_sweet]

I'm not sure why you WOULDN'T like it; it's certainly post-worthy, and I'm glad you shared this glimpse of it with us. I think "Wrath" was conveyed quite well, not just with Anzu's imagined what she'd like to do to Kaiba, but the breaking of the pencil and her attempt to introduce the textbook to his face.

For Anzu to feel that definitely takes some measure of explanation, and I think him showing up being all calm and collected -so TYPICAL of him, especially given that he writes things off so easily, even when they're clearly atypical/magical- works well for that. Him calling the whole Egypt thing a "mass hallucination" would almost definitely be a tipping point for Anzu, because that time meant a lot not just for Yuugi, but for herself, too, because it meant saying goodbye to Atem-- basically, Kaiba's "true" rival. It's almost like Kaiba wins by refusing to acknowledge it ever happened, and that might piss off Anzu more.

If you did end up editing it, would you expand on it in any way? If so, how?

Also, I didn't want to review the latest ICOE since I think I actually looked at it before; maybe you did a beta of it a while back here on LJ? I think the only thing I found weird about it was the use of Megumi as a boy's name, but other than that, it was cute getting both Mokuba's feelings and Arisa's explanation (I ADORED that!)... plus a bit of Anzu's own possible fear or hesitation, re: Kaiba.

Makes me want to haul tail with WDKY! Should I do like you do and post bits and pieces for people to comment on, I wonder?

[an_ardent_rain]

Thank you for your comments! You really actually got to the root of it and explained it in a way I don't think I could have. I can write things with depth (which in a lot of ways is the purpose of "Sevenfold"), but seeing beyond the surface? Not my strong point.

I think I didn't like it because it wasn't humor - that is what I feel most comfortable with, and when things aren't funny I tend to get a little insecure about it.

I probably would expand it (if I edited at all), but I'm not sure what I could add without it seeming contrived.

You did see the chapter in livejournal - I try to post here first, generally.

I think posting bits and pieces is a good idea. It helps me, at least - heh. I always find it's a good way to look at each piece separately, and that, in turn, helps me fit them together better.

^^