More Amusing Than Not (THE JELLYBEANS!)
Full Metal Alchemist singular instance from multi-chp. fic
mock Ed/Roy, implied Roy/Riza
Roy sighed and ran a hand through his dark, messy hair. What the hell had possessed him into thinking his crazy scheme could work?
"Roses," he muttered angrily, "I actually got her roses! Of all the flowers in the world I had to go and pick those." He threw the expensive bouquet of a dozen long-stemmed red roses down on his desk. "I don’t even know if she likes roses! That’s it- I can’t give them to her; I can’t."
The roses were meant to be the final resolution to a problem Roy had been grappling with for weeks: his sudden- and surprisingly strong- feelings for Lieutenant Hawkeye.
Every previous plan had failed. He had tried to casually ask her on a date- he lost his nerve. He had tried to compliment her- it came out as much closer to an insult. He never came close to telling her how he felt, and his odd behavior only served to confuse her and make their interactions that much more awkward. He had pulled out every trick in his book to try and get her attention, but nothing ever worked.
Which, in retrospect, was why he failed. He used every ploy he had used for every other woman. And Riza was nothing like all the other women he had dated. Riza was special. Riza was... Riza was beyond even Roy’s extensively complimentary vocabulary. She defied all his normal standards of womanly behavior and totally disregarded all his usual tried-and-true flirtations. She intrigued him, but he had no idea ho to effectively pursue her.
Roy pouted and looked at the roses in dismay. She’d see through his stupid would-be romantic affectations in a minute. He was intelligent, charming, and- he was sure- unbelievably handsome. But Riza was, for whatever reason, totally immune to that.
"What am I gonna do?" he muttered to himself. "What the hell am I gonna do?"
Just then, however, the door to his office burst open and Edward Elric stormed inside. "Mustang. I need to talk to you."
Roy sighed. "Full Metal, I’m not in the mood to fight with you."
For a moment, Ed was taken aback. He had expected the Roy Mustang he encountered to be as cocky and arrogant as ever. What he did not expect was to find a vulnerable, weary colonel in no mood to spat. ‘Should I ask him what’s wrong?’ Ed wondered silently.
"Well what... Wh-what’s the matter, damn it? Why are you being so... so not you?"
"Edward, am I..." Mustang looked at Ed with a worried sort of frown. "Am I a good man?"
‘You’re wonderful,' was Ed’s first thought, though he lacked the courage to say it aloud. "A good man?" he questioned, totally confused. "Well I don’t know, Mustang; why the hell are you asking me?"
"I’m a smart man," Roy went on, ignoring Ed.
"Sure," the boy agreed, figuring it was best to humor him.
"And I’m charming."
"I guess."
"I know I’m handsome."
"Oh God yes."
"But... damn it, Full Metal, it’s totally hopeless! I don’t have a chance." He sighed and picked up the roses. "You know what? Just forget it." He threw the roses at Ed. "You take these. Find some sweet thing of your own to give them to- they’re certainly of no use to me." And with one last heavy sigh, Roy walked dejectedly out of the room.
***********************************************
Heh. Oh man... This is from "Preferences (In Which We Explore Ed's)", a humor fic a friend and I were once working on. Heh. This amuses me GREATLY. Ed's having some confusing "feelings" about his colonel and his mechanic. Roy's oblivious and Winry's a little too perceptive. I don't think this'll ever get finished, but this was an enjoyable little gem to find and re-read.
-ILB out
mock Ed/Roy, implied Roy/Riza
Roy sighed and ran a hand through his dark, messy hair. What the hell had possessed him into thinking his crazy scheme could work?
"Roses," he muttered angrily, "I actually got her roses! Of all the flowers in the world I had to go and pick those." He threw the expensive bouquet of a dozen long-stemmed red roses down on his desk. "I don’t even know if she likes roses! That’s it- I can’t give them to her; I can’t."
The roses were meant to be the final resolution to a problem Roy had been grappling with for weeks: his sudden- and surprisingly strong- feelings for Lieutenant Hawkeye.
Every previous plan had failed. He had tried to casually ask her on a date- he lost his nerve. He had tried to compliment her- it came out as much closer to an insult. He never came close to telling her how he felt, and his odd behavior only served to confuse her and make their interactions that much more awkward. He had pulled out every trick in his book to try and get her attention, but nothing ever worked.
Which, in retrospect, was why he failed. He used every ploy he had used for every other woman. And Riza was nothing like all the other women he had dated. Riza was special. Riza was... Riza was beyond even Roy’s extensively complimentary vocabulary. She defied all his normal standards of womanly behavior and totally disregarded all his usual tried-and-true flirtations. She intrigued him, but he had no idea ho to effectively pursue her.
Roy pouted and looked at the roses in dismay. She’d see through his stupid would-be romantic affectations in a minute. He was intelligent, charming, and- he was sure- unbelievably handsome. But Riza was, for whatever reason, totally immune to that.
"What am I gonna do?" he muttered to himself. "What the hell am I gonna do?"
Just then, however, the door to his office burst open and Edward Elric stormed inside. "Mustang. I need to talk to you."
Roy sighed. "Full Metal, I’m not in the mood to fight with you."
For a moment, Ed was taken aback. He had expected the Roy Mustang he encountered to be as cocky and arrogant as ever. What he did not expect was to find a vulnerable, weary colonel in no mood to spat. ‘Should I ask him what’s wrong?’ Ed wondered silently.
"Well what... Wh-what’s the matter, damn it? Why are you being so... so not you?"
"Edward, am I..." Mustang looked at Ed with a worried sort of frown. "Am I a good man?"
‘You’re wonderful,' was Ed’s first thought, though he lacked the courage to say it aloud. "A good man?" he questioned, totally confused. "Well I don’t know, Mustang; why the hell are you asking me?"
"I’m a smart man," Roy went on, ignoring Ed.
"Sure," the boy agreed, figuring it was best to humor him.
"And I’m charming."
"I guess."
"I know I’m handsome."
"Oh God yes."
"But... damn it, Full Metal, it’s totally hopeless! I don’t have a chance." He sighed and picked up the roses. "You know what? Just forget it." He threw the roses at Ed. "You take these. Find some sweet thing of your own to give them to- they’re certainly of no use to me." And with one last heavy sigh, Roy walked dejectedly out of the room.
***********************************************
Heh. Oh man... This is from "Preferences (In Which We Explore Ed's)", a humor fic a friend and I were once working on. Heh. This amuses me GREATLY. Ed's having some confusing "feelings" about his colonel and his mechanic. Roy's oblivious and Winry's a little too perceptive. I don't think this'll ever get finished, but this was an enjoyable little gem to find and re-read.
-ILB out