Comments | an_ardent_rain: Bit o' Fic (HP: R/S)

an_ardent_rain

Bit o' Fic (HP: R/S)

Feb 28, 2010 13:56

Harry Potter the first part of the first chapter
eventual James/Lily and Remus/Sirius

I'm not sure about this one, guys. Any concrit would be really appreciated (as always)!

( There is something as endearing... )

2010, remus/sirius, incomplete, harry potter

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wyvernstars March 1 2010, 10:30:25 UTC

Seconding the in-character comment here. And I like the pacing, relaxed and rambly and very much like the Marauders being Marauders. XD Your Sirius-voice sounds a bit- formal is almost the word but not quite- for Sirius, but maybe that's just because Sirius in my head is a lot more brash.

Also! James is a Chaser, just thought I'd point that out.

I hope this becomes a chapter. :D

an_ardent_rain March 1 2010, 17:26:28 UTC

Thank you so much for the feedback!

Chaser, yes! *headdesk* I knew that... Thanks for the reminder!

And thanks for the insight on Sirius! I actually did the formality (or what have you) a bit on purpose - trying to throw back to his upbringing. I figure that even though he is rebellious, things like that would be unconcsious and hard to un-learn. If that makes sense? I see him as sort of secretive, so that even though his parents know he disagrees with them, they don't know for certain that he's going to run away until he actually does.

Hmm, but if that doesn't work, I may have to fix it! Anyway, thanks again!

wyvernstars March 2 2010, 15:15:42 UTC

Okay, that makes sense then. In my head he's the rebellious bad boy of all rebellious bad boys, it's an interesting POV idea to see just how much what he was rebelling against still influences him. :D Then again from eleven onwards he'll have been at Hogwarts with James and the rest, so... I don't know, your call. XD

an_ardent_rain March 2 2010, 19:33:53 UTC

^^

Yeah, I see him as a rebel, definitely, but I see him more reckless than anything else - impulsive, I mean.

I think that I'm pretty happy with how I'm writing him. I think some of the formality might be my style of writing... ? I dunno, just a thought. Yeah, I do have this whole weird sort of backstory thought up. I'm going to run with Grimmauld place, how it was so run-down even though it can't have been abandoned for... more than 20 years? I think Sirius was in Azkaban when he was 22 (that's a random niggling idea from... somewhere), and he got out at about 35 or 37 or thereabouts, so even if his parents were dead already when he went to prison, it fell into a lot of disrepair. So I'm thinking that while their social status may have been high, their economic status not so much.

Er... sorry I'm rambling! XD This is a job for a beta-reader. Which I will get...

Anyway, thanks so much for the feedback!

wyvernstars March 3 2010, 10:09:22 UTC

You're welcome, and ramble on! Your journal, after all, and HP is one of the (admittedly very many) things I can ramble on day in and day out. :D

Yeah, that's a good place to start with. Most everyone writes the Black family as being terrifically wealthy, when they could very well have been like the Gaunts- family heirlooms they can't throw away, a handful of insanity, and too much pride than is good for them. Power makes you crazy, after all, even though said power may all be in your mind, and they probably thought they had a lot of it.

20 years is a long time for an unmaintained house, though. My mom and I live in the city while my dad and my brother live in our family house in the province, and when we leave them to their own devices for three months our homecomings are usually met with cobwebs and lizard droppings everywhere. And that's with people living in the place and trying to keep it habitable. 10 years of abandonment can work wonders. XD

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