my roommate is eating eggs "they're runny"
so i think a dude likes me...for once...i'm not doing the chasing.
his name is patrick and he's 30 and a graphic designer and he looks like philip seymour hoffman and i picked the lock to his apartment complex then stole a keg from their neighbours.
lots of interesting exciting things have been happening lately.
where's MY economic stimulus money? i need stimulation.
i went to that old fart lesbian party. it was the lamest shit ever. it just looked like everyone's mom who decided after their recent divorce they like snatch better. one of them asked me to dance. she just kinda waddled all over the place. the one woman i met though, her name was georgina...she's 54 and has severe fucking issues. we hung out and she kept kissing me on the cheek. i can't decide what's worse, being kissed on the cheek by a creepy old man, or a creepy old lesbian. honestly, let's take a poll.
anyhoots, we all went outside and her and a bunch of other old dykes smoked up in their buick. i told them i wouldn't let georgina drive but georgina wouldn't give me her keys.
"she's a pisces, she's pretty stubborn", her lesbian counterparts told me..."what's your sign?"
"i'm a scorpio, how is that relevant?" i retort.
"oh, georgina you better watch out!"
georgina would not give me her keys. reluctantly, i joined her in her cliche dykey pick up truck. i couldn't have driven it anyway, it was stick shift.
so we drove two blocks to muchas gracias. my favorite thing since the clown on wednesday at el charro and dollar margaritas. i showed georgina where the bathroom was and ordered her food. i couldn't believe i was taking care of this woman who could have been my grandmother.
while my back was turned, she slipped out. i looked out the window as i put our order down on the table and i saw her tail lights drift away. i ran out the door and started chasing the truck down the street, only making it two blocks, because of my recent smoking habit. i hobbled back to the restaurant and told her friends she was gone and that i would walk home...
during the whole time, all the lesbians kept telling me what an 'angel' i was...for being there for someone i didn't even know. i can't help it. i turn into mother theresa when im drunk.
when i got home carrying two entrees i told my roommate that there was a drunken dyke in a pick up driving around very cantankerous and intoxicated. rebecca let me call 911 with her phone.
it wouldn't have bothered me so much, but i bought the old hag a quesadilla and risked my life by being in her truck. i wasn't going to risk her taking someone else's. i couldn't have that on my conscious.
i drank the rest of my tequila then watched a video on ebola. i then hate the poots and went to bed.
off to see philip seymour hoffman!
his name is patrick and he's 30 and a graphic designer and he looks like philip seymour hoffman and i picked the lock to his apartment complex then stole a keg from their neighbours.
lots of interesting exciting things have been happening lately.
where's MY economic stimulus money? i need stimulation.
i went to that old fart lesbian party. it was the lamest shit ever. it just looked like everyone's mom who decided after their recent divorce they like snatch better. one of them asked me to dance. she just kinda waddled all over the place. the one woman i met though, her name was georgina...she's 54 and has severe fucking issues. we hung out and she kept kissing me on the cheek. i can't decide what's worse, being kissed on the cheek by a creepy old man, or a creepy old lesbian. honestly, let's take a poll.
anyhoots, we all went outside and her and a bunch of other old dykes smoked up in their buick. i told them i wouldn't let georgina drive but georgina wouldn't give me her keys.
"she's a pisces, she's pretty stubborn", her lesbian counterparts told me..."what's your sign?"
"i'm a scorpio, how is that relevant?" i retort.
"oh, georgina you better watch out!"
georgina would not give me her keys. reluctantly, i joined her in her cliche dykey pick up truck. i couldn't have driven it anyway, it was stick shift.
so we drove two blocks to muchas gracias. my favorite thing since the clown on wednesday at el charro and dollar margaritas. i showed georgina where the bathroom was and ordered her food. i couldn't believe i was taking care of this woman who could have been my grandmother.
while my back was turned, she slipped out. i looked out the window as i put our order down on the table and i saw her tail lights drift away. i ran out the door and started chasing the truck down the street, only making it two blocks, because of my recent smoking habit. i hobbled back to the restaurant and told her friends she was gone and that i would walk home...
during the whole time, all the lesbians kept telling me what an 'angel' i was...for being there for someone i didn't even know. i can't help it. i turn into mother theresa when im drunk.
when i got home carrying two entrees i told my roommate that there was a drunken dyke in a pick up driving around very cantankerous and intoxicated. rebecca let me call 911 with her phone.
it wouldn't have bothered me so much, but i bought the old hag a quesadilla and risked my life by being in her truck. i wasn't going to risk her taking someone else's. i couldn't have that on my conscious.
i drank the rest of my tequila then watched a video on ebola. i then hate the poots and went to bed.
off to see philip seymour hoffman!