Saving Camelot (With Crack)
Arthur stands shock-still his bedroom doorway as his queen and his favourite knight attack each other with their mouths. After a charged pause the two slowly turn their heads towards him. The strap of Guinevere’s dress slides off her shoulder.
“Arthur,” Lancelot begins before trailing off as the king stares pointedly at where his hands are still clutching the small of his wife’s back.
Lancelot drops his hands and steps back. His shoulders are tight and he nervously twists his riding gloves in his hands.
“Well,” Arthur exhales as he tries to work up some rage to bury his shock. “Does anyone want to explain this?”
Guinevere gives Lancelot a searching look before walking past Arthur to close the door. “We were going to tell you,” she says still looking at Lancelot. “But what with the quests and the pilgrimages and the never-ending magical threats to the kingdom, there was never a good time.”
Ah. There was that rage.
“I’m sorry, you chose not to tell be about your ongoing affair because the timing wasn’t right?”
“Arthur,” Gwen looks at him steadily and without a trace of guilt. “Please believe that we both love you and we never meant to hurt you.” She’s speaking to Arthur, but the words have a pointed edge that seems to be directed more at the still squirming Lancelot.
Arthur opens and closes his mouth like a beached carp, aware of how stupid he must look and all the more hurt and furious because of that. He looks from Gwen to the Lancelot, who continues to fidget under his gaze.
Gwen breaks the silence with exasperated noise and jabs Lancelot in the side, hard.
He gives a start. He locks eyes with Gwen’s steely gaze and she nods at him. He takes a deep breath, sets his shoulders and launches himself at Arthur.
It’s not so much a kiss, as being punched by someone’s lips, Arthur reflects as their mouths collide. The force knocks him back on his heels and he grabs the Lancelot’s shoulders to stop his fall. Lancelot pulls back quickly and looks at him with an expression of miserable devotion and dejected acceptance.
Arthur pauses to take this in, panting. The he puts his hands around Lancelot’s neck and slams him back against a bedpost. He shoves his tongue past the knight’s lips and pours all of his confused anger into the kiss. Lancelot goes limp beneath him.
When Arthur comes up for air his lips are numb and wet. Guinevere looks relieved and far too pleased with herself.
“I’m still really mad at both of you.”
Gwen gives him a wry smile and draws closer to press a soft kiss against his flushed check.
“That’s fair.”
Arthur nods curtly and pecks her firmly on the lips before shoving Lancelot backwards onto the bed.
“Just so that’s clear.”
Title: The Once and Future OT3
Fandom: Merlin
Pairings: Arthur/Gwen/Lancelot
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 429
Warnings: Polyamory, Crack
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters and am making no money off of them.
Summary: Lancelot gazed down at the town square where his fair queen strolled with her ladies. She was so lovely; she never stopped taking his breath away.
Lancelot gazed down at the town square where his fair queen strolled with her ladies. She was so lovely; she never stopped taking his breath away.
It was growing harder and harder to deny their attraction and respect her vows to Arthur. It was be easier, he reflected, if he did not know she felt the same as him, that she yearned as he did. But Arthur was one of the truest friends he’d ever had. It tore him apart to contemplate such a betrayal and yet it was never far from his thoughts.
“Beautiful, isn’t she?”
Lancelot jumped.
He turned to see Arthur looking over his shoulder with a knowing, and slightly dangerous, glint in his eye.
He gave a wry smile. “It’s not fair to her. I’m away so often these days and she gets so lonely.”
He paused and looked down into the courtyard thoughtfully.
“You’re in love with my wife.” Off Lancelot’s expression he gave a bark of laughter.
“Don’t look so surprised, anyone can see the way you look at her.” He slung an arm around Lancelot’s tight shoulders.
“Gwen and I had a long discussion and we’ve agreed that it would be alright if we were to share. But only if that was all right with you.”
Lancelot opened his mouth. He closed it again. He tried to think of something to say but his thoughts just kept whirling around, Really? This was really happening?
Arthur let out a ringing laugh. Gwen looked up and, seeing them both, beamed and waved. Arthur waved down to her, before turning back to his knight.
“I know that it’s a lot to take in. Let us know when you’ve decided one way or the other.”
Lancelot nodded uncertainly.
Arthur turned as if to go, but when just Lancelot had dropped his guard he grabbed him by the front of his shirt and slammed him up against the crenulations.
Lancelot had just enough time to worry that the entire conversation had been an elaborate ruse for Guinevere’s benefit and Arthur was going to stab him now that nobody could see them before Arthur kissed him.
Arthur’s mouth was wet heat, dirty tongue and so possessive it stole his breath.
Arthur pulled back and his lips brushed Lancelot’s ear as he whispered, “If it helps your decision, Gwen is visiting the Bishop of Suffolk and she’ll be gone all week.”
He winked and gave the knight a brotherly punch on the arm before walking away.
Lancelot sagged back against the wall.
His future had just become a lot more interesting.
Title: Come To The Light Side Morgana, We Have Great Kissers.
Fandom: Merlin
Pairings: Merlin/Morgana
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 616
Warnings: Crack
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters and am making no money off of them.
Summary: Morgana smirked evilly. The scorpions were as big as horses and Merlin was inescapably surrounded.
Morgana smirked evilly. The scorpions were as big as horses and Merlin was inescapably surrounded.
“Do you understand the folly of the side you’ve chosen now, Merlin?” she gloated. “With you gone, Arthur will be helpless against magical attack and I can finally claim my birthright and fulfil my destiny as ruler of all Albion.”
The scorpions, sensing their cue, raised their tails to strike in unison.
Merlin looked almost regretful as he threw out an open palmed hand and his eyes flashed gold. The scorpions broke into slightly smaller golden scorpion pieces, before vanishing.
Morgana’s mask of triumph froze.
There was a moment were they both just stared at each other; Merlin warily and Morgana in increasingly furious disbelief.
Her bottom lip jutted forward. She turned and kicked a nearby boulder with a vicious cry.
“How could you?” she shrieked. “Do you have any idea how long it took to get them that big? Do you?”
She stabbed the air with her finger as she pointed at him.
Merlin shrugged helplessly.
Morgana had taken the foiling of her last plots with a lot of good grace, but this was the third attempt in as many weeks and she had clearly reached the end of her tether.
“I was so close,” she wailed. She shoulders slumped and she flung herself down dramatically on top on the boulder. She crossed her arms and her legs and seethed.
Merlin perched awkwardly on the edge of the rock, leaving plenty of room in case she decided to come at him with her nails again.
Arthur had been insufferable the last time he had come back with four parallel lines of red showing over the neck of his shirt.
“The ruse was good, very convincing,” he offered after a moment.
Morgana grunted.
“No, I was totally taken in. I thought the druids really were asking for help. Although,” he said with a frown. “I probably should have been a bit more suspicious considering how I left them last time.”
“You still would have come, because you’re a bleeding heart. You’re also a moron.”
They sat in silence again.
“That’s a nice dress, is it new?”
He noticed that at some point or another all his female nemeses decided to wear red, ribbony dresses. Maybe they though he’d be distracted by the low cut and all the thigh on display. Which he wasn’t, he told himself as he dragged his eyes away.
Morgana raised an incredulous eyebrow at him before fastidiously smoothing down her skirts. “Morguase made it. That was before she abandoned me to go ‘win Cenred over to our side’. I haven’t seen her in two weeks.”
Merlin winced sympathetically. “Arthur and Gwen were still making tragically destined eyes at each other where I left. I don’t understand why everything has to be so epic and serious. I mean whatever happened to snogging for the sake of snogging?”
“Exactly.”
They nodded in agreement.
And then they fell on each other.
Dried leaves crackled beneath them as they rolled across the forest floor. Morgana fisted in Merlin’s hair holding his mouth against hers, her other hand frantically clawed at his back. Merlin pulled her closer, hands running over plush velvet and skin. Morgana tasted of magic. Like power and lightning and chaos.
Morgana drew back suddenly, panting.
“I’m only doing this so you’ll lower your guard, you know.”
Merlin nodded distractedly before beginning a trail of kisses downwards.
“I’m just luring you in so-oh!, you’ll sli-ip! up and join in the fight to rid, to rid sorcerers from tryran-yes there, right there, don’t stop!”
Arthur was indeed utterly unbearable when Merlin returned covered in leaves and scratches.
Merlin didn’t mind.
“Arthur,” Lancelot begins before trailing off as the king stares pointedly at where his hands are still clutching the small of his wife’s back.
Lancelot drops his hands and steps back. His shoulders are tight and he nervously twists his riding gloves in his hands.
“Well,” Arthur exhales as he tries to work up some rage to bury his shock. “Does anyone want to explain this?”
Guinevere gives Lancelot a searching look before walking past Arthur to close the door. “We were going to tell you,” she says still looking at Lancelot. “But what with the quests and the pilgrimages and the never-ending magical threats to the kingdom, there was never a good time.”
Ah. There was that rage.
“I’m sorry, you chose not to tell be about your ongoing affair because the timing wasn’t right?”
“Arthur,” Gwen looks at him steadily and without a trace of guilt. “Please believe that we both love you and we never meant to hurt you.” She’s speaking to Arthur, but the words have a pointed edge that seems to be directed more at the still squirming Lancelot.
Arthur opens and closes his mouth like a beached carp, aware of how stupid he must look and all the more hurt and furious because of that. He looks from Gwen to the Lancelot, who continues to fidget under his gaze.
Gwen breaks the silence with exasperated noise and jabs Lancelot in the side, hard.
He gives a start. He locks eyes with Gwen’s steely gaze and she nods at him. He takes a deep breath, sets his shoulders and launches himself at Arthur.
It’s not so much a kiss, as being punched by someone’s lips, Arthur reflects as their mouths collide. The force knocks him back on his heels and he grabs the Lancelot’s shoulders to stop his fall. Lancelot pulls back quickly and looks at him with an expression of miserable devotion and dejected acceptance.
Arthur pauses to take this in, panting. The he puts his hands around Lancelot’s neck and slams him back against a bedpost. He shoves his tongue past the knight’s lips and pours all of his confused anger into the kiss. Lancelot goes limp beneath him.
When Arthur comes up for air his lips are numb and wet. Guinevere looks relieved and far too pleased with herself.
“I’m still really mad at both of you.”
Gwen gives him a wry smile and draws closer to press a soft kiss against his flushed check.
“That’s fair.”
Arthur nods curtly and pecks her firmly on the lips before shoving Lancelot backwards onto the bed.
“Just so that’s clear.”
Title: The Once and Future OT3
Fandom: Merlin
Pairings: Arthur/Gwen/Lancelot
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 429
Warnings: Polyamory, Crack
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters and am making no money off of them.
Summary: Lancelot gazed down at the town square where his fair queen strolled with her ladies. She was so lovely; she never stopped taking his breath away.
Lancelot gazed down at the town square where his fair queen strolled with her ladies. She was so lovely; she never stopped taking his breath away.
It was growing harder and harder to deny their attraction and respect her vows to Arthur. It was be easier, he reflected, if he did not know she felt the same as him, that she yearned as he did. But Arthur was one of the truest friends he’d ever had. It tore him apart to contemplate such a betrayal and yet it was never far from his thoughts.
“Beautiful, isn’t she?”
Lancelot jumped.
He turned to see Arthur looking over his shoulder with a knowing, and slightly dangerous, glint in his eye.
He gave a wry smile. “It’s not fair to her. I’m away so often these days and she gets so lonely.”
He paused and looked down into the courtyard thoughtfully.
“You’re in love with my wife.” Off Lancelot’s expression he gave a bark of laughter.
“Don’t look so surprised, anyone can see the way you look at her.” He slung an arm around Lancelot’s tight shoulders.
“Gwen and I had a long discussion and we’ve agreed that it would be alright if we were to share. But only if that was all right with you.”
Lancelot opened his mouth. He closed it again. He tried to think of something to say but his thoughts just kept whirling around, Really? This was really happening?
Arthur let out a ringing laugh. Gwen looked up and, seeing them both, beamed and waved. Arthur waved down to her, before turning back to his knight.
“I know that it’s a lot to take in. Let us know when you’ve decided one way or the other.”
Lancelot nodded uncertainly.
Arthur turned as if to go, but when just Lancelot had dropped his guard he grabbed him by the front of his shirt and slammed him up against the crenulations.
Lancelot had just enough time to worry that the entire conversation had been an elaborate ruse for Guinevere’s benefit and Arthur was going to stab him now that nobody could see them before Arthur kissed him.
Arthur’s mouth was wet heat, dirty tongue and so possessive it stole his breath.
Arthur pulled back and his lips brushed Lancelot’s ear as he whispered, “If it helps your decision, Gwen is visiting the Bishop of Suffolk and she’ll be gone all week.”
He winked and gave the knight a brotherly punch on the arm before walking away.
Lancelot sagged back against the wall.
His future had just become a lot more interesting.
Title: Come To The Light Side Morgana, We Have Great Kissers.
Fandom: Merlin
Pairings: Merlin/Morgana
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 616
Warnings: Crack
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters and am making no money off of them.
Summary: Morgana smirked evilly. The scorpions were as big as horses and Merlin was inescapably surrounded.
Morgana smirked evilly. The scorpions were as big as horses and Merlin was inescapably surrounded.
“Do you understand the folly of the side you’ve chosen now, Merlin?” she gloated. “With you gone, Arthur will be helpless against magical attack and I can finally claim my birthright and fulfil my destiny as ruler of all Albion.”
The scorpions, sensing their cue, raised their tails to strike in unison.
Merlin looked almost regretful as he threw out an open palmed hand and his eyes flashed gold. The scorpions broke into slightly smaller golden scorpion pieces, before vanishing.
Morgana’s mask of triumph froze.
There was a moment were they both just stared at each other; Merlin warily and Morgana in increasingly furious disbelief.
Her bottom lip jutted forward. She turned and kicked a nearby boulder with a vicious cry.
“How could you?” she shrieked. “Do you have any idea how long it took to get them that big? Do you?”
She stabbed the air with her finger as she pointed at him.
Merlin shrugged helplessly.
Morgana had taken the foiling of her last plots with a lot of good grace, but this was the third attempt in as many weeks and she had clearly reached the end of her tether.
“I was so close,” she wailed. She shoulders slumped and she flung herself down dramatically on top on the boulder. She crossed her arms and her legs and seethed.
Merlin perched awkwardly on the edge of the rock, leaving plenty of room in case she decided to come at him with her nails again.
Arthur had been insufferable the last time he had come back with four parallel lines of red showing over the neck of his shirt.
“The ruse was good, very convincing,” he offered after a moment.
Morgana grunted.
“No, I was totally taken in. I thought the druids really were asking for help. Although,” he said with a frown. “I probably should have been a bit more suspicious considering how I left them last time.”
“You still would have come, because you’re a bleeding heart. You’re also a moron.”
They sat in silence again.
“That’s a nice dress, is it new?”
He noticed that at some point or another all his female nemeses decided to wear red, ribbony dresses. Maybe they though he’d be distracted by the low cut and all the thigh on display. Which he wasn’t, he told himself as he dragged his eyes away.
Morgana raised an incredulous eyebrow at him before fastidiously smoothing down her skirts. “Morguase made it. That was before she abandoned me to go ‘win Cenred over to our side’. I haven’t seen her in two weeks.”
Merlin winced sympathetically. “Arthur and Gwen were still making tragically destined eyes at each other where I left. I don’t understand why everything has to be so epic and serious. I mean whatever happened to snogging for the sake of snogging?”
“Exactly.”
They nodded in agreement.
And then they fell on each other.
Dried leaves crackled beneath them as they rolled across the forest floor. Morgana fisted in Merlin’s hair holding his mouth against hers, her other hand frantically clawed at his back. Merlin pulled her closer, hands running over plush velvet and skin. Morgana tasted of magic. Like power and lightning and chaos.
Morgana drew back suddenly, panting.
“I’m only doing this so you’ll lower your guard, you know.”
Merlin nodded distractedly before beginning a trail of kisses downwards.
“I’m just luring you in so-oh!, you’ll sli-ip! up and join in the fight to rid, to rid sorcerers from tryran-yes there, right there, don’t stop!”
Arthur was indeed utterly unbearable when Merlin returned covered in leaves and scratches.
Merlin didn’t mind.